“Consuming pornography does not lead to more sex, it leads to more porn. Much like eating McDonalds everyday will accustom you to food that (although enjoyable) is essentially not food, pornography conditions the consumer to being satisfied with an impression of extreme sex rather than the real.”—Virginie Despentes
I’m a relationship writer and coach but at my core, I’m an observer of human nature. I enjoy digging beneath the surface with people to find their true motivation, their passion and their purpose. So, when I was posed with the [top] quote, it made me consider the nature of people as opposed to what we can see on the outside.
So, if I drink a hot chocolate, does that make me want a frappuccino? If I drive a Honda, does that make me want a BMW? Referring back to the quote itself, if I eat Mc’Donalds, do I now want Ruth’s Chris steaks? Am I driven to take this consumption to a higher level?
Examine one of those questions for a moment. I am actually both a Honda and BMW owner. I had a Honda before I owned the BMW. Owning the Honda didn’t make me want a BMW. My proclivity to drive fast and appreciate immaculate handling made me want a three series. One had nothing to do with the other. Similarly, watching porn does not motivate one to do anything other than watch more porn.
The difference with any form of media as opposed to my examples is watching something can give us the misconception of what is portrayed on the screen is what we want. At that moment, you may think it’s what you want on a conscious level. Your subconscious imposes limitations, because at this level, you realize whatever your fetish or attraction, it’s just that…a fetish or attraction to what is on the screen. It’s not a carte blanche opportunity to go live out what you see on the screen.
“Consuming pornography does not lead to more sex…” She’s spot on with this statement. If that’s what you’re desiring (which is not what I’m promoting), you’re wasting your time. As a matter of fact, you’re being counterproductive. Porn gives you an unattainable concept of your sexuality. When you’re watching and aroused, it looks great, but if you step back and look at it for what it really is…it’s sterilizes our sexuality. Therefore if you’re watching porn, all you’re really doing is satisfying yourself for the moment. There is no leading up to something better. All there is to look forward to, is the next movie. What have you seen or learned (ladies, I’m talking to you) which will get you more play? Nothing.
Check out this part of the quote: “…pornography conditions the consumer to being satisfied with an impression of extreme sex rather than the real.” Again, I think she’s right with this statement, but I want to take it a bit further. If you have the imagination it takes to make watching a movie interesting to you in the first place, then the impression of sex at a higher level is going to be intriguing to your subconscious thought. You may think of it somewhat consciously, but the picture you build in the depths of your mind is what keeps you coming back. The fact is, if there is no picture then these are just horrible movies with bad plots and sex between plastic Barbie dolls and genetically mutated men. If you think about it that way, it’s not so extreme…and kinda gross. It’s all about how your mind perceives what you see.
Conditioning. Whatever the movie looks like in your head, don’t allow it to condition you to be satisfied with anything. If you take porn out of the equation, you find that a loving, compassionate man will mean more to you than some extreme fantasy ever could. The awesome thing about conditioning is that you can control it. Be around people that uplift. Hang around ladies that are in and want to be a part of healthy relationships. Condition yourself! Visualize the quote in your mind to read “Consume life and condition yourself to be satisfied with true happiness and contentment.”