“Wisdom is the principal thing; Therefore get wisdom. And in all your getting, get understanding.”—Proverbs

4:7 (NKJV)


The Comforter (John 14:26) already gave me a head’s up that this week was gonna be a trip. I’m just kinda rollin’ with it. If you’re currently struggling in the area of “relational impatience”, this is a good time to claim Proverbs 34:17 (NKJV): “The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears, and delivers them out of all their troubles.” Hold on to that. You can trust him.

Now this message won’t be for everyone…necessarily. But I know that there are some of you who have been speaking to the concerns about why it’s taking so long to get to “your one”. I prayed and El Berith, the God of Covenant, led me to two articles that I would encourage you to check out. Both are about marriage but before I begin, I want to share the definition of one word. A common word we use on a regular basis, but I’m not totally sure that we are certain of what it means…in its entirety:

Understanding: mental process of a person who comprehends; comprehension; personal interpretation; superior power of discernment; enlightened intelligence; knowledge of or familiarity with a particular thing; skill in dealing with or handling something; a state of cooperative or mutually tolerant relations between people; a mutual agreement, esp. of a private, unannounced, or tacit kind; an agreement regulating joint activity or settling differences, often informal or preliminary in character; LOGICAL POWER

Yeah. Somebody’s gonna get free up in here today! (LOL) After all, that’s what truth does, right (John 8:32)?

It’s funny. I remember the R&B group, Xscape’s song from back in the day. The chorus? “What I need from you is understanding. How can we communicate if you don’t hear what I say?” And I think that is where the Lord is with some of us right now. In various ways, through many avenues, a lot of us are receiving *wisdom* (knowledge of what is true or right coupled with just judgment as to action; sagacity, discernment, or insight), but we are still unsettled, we are still fearful, we are still impatient…we are still complaining. Even though the Word says that in ALL THINGS we should operate without complaining (Philippians 2:14). When I asked God (James 1:5) what the deal was, he simply said, “Because a lot of you don’t *understand* what is being told to you. You’re like the student who memorizes something just to pass a test…but doesn’t retain a thing. My ‘school’ doesn’t operate that way. WISDOM and UNDERSTANDING work TOGETHER. It’s when you have both that you will get a ‘progress report’ from me.”

<ding> I get it!

And so, because this “movement of women” has evolved into addressing so many issues, I do want to remind us that the main focus is preparation for being a wife. Adonai called this and so he has not forgotten. But, to minister as a “flame of fire” to others (Psalm 104:4), we must be refined *first*. If you feel like things are “heating up”, they probably are. Hang tight. It’s all for a purpose. When I asked the Lord what it is that some of us don’t understand (and in some way, I’m sure what I am about to share will be a light bulb…actually, “light flame” moments for all of us), there was some pertinent information that he led me to (I will bullet point the bottom lines but links to both will be attached in the comment section). We’ll start with this:


#1. Man needs a Wife.
#2. Marriage is a covenant between a man and a woman, initiated by the exchange of vows.
#3. The Husband is the head of the house and responsible for the marriage.
#4. The Husband is commanded by God to love his wife.
#5. The Wife is commanded by God to respect her husband.
#6. The Husband and Wife are joint heirs to life.
#7. A Wife is God’s grace to the Husband.
#8. The Wife is the most powerful influence over her Husband.
#9. Marriage is a sexually intimate and passionate relationship.
#10. Marriage is the mystery of the Messiah’s relationship with us.

OK. I think a lot of us have the *knowledge* about these things…but I’m not so sure about how many have the *understanding*. That a man NEEDS us. That there is no marriage until there are vows exchanged. That a man is *responsible* for how the house runs. That he is commanded by God to love us. That we are commanded by God to respect him. That we are to work together, as one, to fulfill God’s will in the earth. That we bring our husbands *unmerited favor*. That we have a powerful influence over our husbands. That sex is only for marriage. That marriage gives us a glimpse into Christ’s relationship with the Church (that too would be us).

Yeah. I’m not so sure how many of us really understand this. How many of us “accept” it; “discern” it; “get the picture” of it; “identify with” it; “make sense of” it; “realize” it…because if we did, I’m not sure we would be so impatient. First of all, based on the biblical principles of marriage, what are we so flustered about? THEY NEED US. And if we are to be in a godly covenant (Malachi 2:14), why would you want to rush God’s handiwork? Shoot…with each passing day, I’m coming to understand my value more and more. If you’re gonna be “running this” (metaphorically speaking), YOU’D BETTER HAVE YOUR STUFF IN ORDER, MISTER (LOL)! And please, take all of the time you need. I’m not waiting on YOU so much as I’m waiting on God’s best for ME. It’s not *wisdom* that brings me to this place of peace. It’s *understanding*.

Oh, but we’re not done.

Another article I read was on a new site that I “dug up” and I now “dig”. It’s a Jewish website called, Aish.com and there I discovered the following feature article:


#1. You pick the wrong person because you expect him/her to change after you’re married.
#2. You pick the wrong person because you focus more on chemistry than on character.
#3. You pick the wrong person because the man doesn’t understand what a woman needs most.
#4. You choose the wrong person because you do not share a common life goals and priorities.
#5. You choose the wrong person because you get intimately involved too quickly.
#6. You pick the wrong person because you do not have a deeper emotional connection with this person.
#7. You pick the wrong person because you choose someone with whom you don’t feel emotionally safe.
#8. You pick the wrong person because you don’t put everything on the table.
#9. You pick the wrong person because you use the relationship to escape from personal problems and unhappiness.
#10. You pick the wrong person because he/she is involved in a triangle.

Uh-huh. Cause you see, here’s the thing: An excerpt from this article is *dead on*: “If you are unhappy and single, you’ll probably be unhappy and married, too. Marriage does not fix personal, psychological and emotional problems. If anything, marriage will exacerbate them.”

So let’s define two other “highly-used” words right quick:

Right: in accordance with what is good, proper, or just; in conformity with fact, reason, truth, or some standard or principle; correct; most convenient, desirable, or favorable; in good order; sound, sane, or normal; in good health or spirits

Wrong: not in accordance with what is morally right or good; deviating from truth or fact; erroneous; not correct in action, judgment, opinion, method, etc., as a person; in error; not proper or usual; not in accordance with requirements or recommended practice; out of order; awry; amiss; not suitable or appropriate; that which is wrong, or not in accordance with morality, goodness, or truth; evil; an injustice; *an invasion of another’s right, to his damage*; to pursue an immoral course; become depraved; *to cause to come into disfavor*

James 4:17 (NCV) says, “Anyone who knows the right thing to do, but does not do it, is sinning.”

So, if you’re in a relationship, are you doing it the RIGHT way? Or the WRONG way? If you desire to be in a relationship, is it for the RIGHT reasons? Or for the WRONG reasons? If you are impatient about marriage, are you sure you have the RIGHT perspective on its purpose? Or the WRONG one?

If you are not courting based on what the Lord says is biblically right, it’s wrong.
If you are not doing things in order, it’s wrong.
If you are invading someone else’s rights (that would include “spiritually stalking” him), that’s wrong.
If you are partaking in ANY KIND OF IMMORAL ACTIVITY, that’s wrong.
If you are not adhering to the Lord’s requirements and recommended practices, THAT’S WRONG.

And the Word says that if you know the right thing to do…but don’t do it, it’s sin. The Word also says that the wages of sin is death (Romans 6:23). Two definitions of death are “extinction” and “destruction”. What are you so prideful about right now that you have ignorance re: your arrogance that is actually the demise of your own desire (Proverbs 16:18)? That has you actually believing that “he”, whoever/wherever he is, is the hold up and *not you*? A Scripture that I hold very closely to me at this time is Ecclesiastes 3:11(NKJV): “He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end.” And a Scripture (that I quote *all of the time*) that complements it beautifully is Acts 1:7 (Message): “You don’t get to know the time. Timing is the Father’s business. What you’ll get is the Holy Spirit.”

I wonder how many of us *really understand* this. WE DON’T GET TO FIND OUT ALL THAT GOD IS DOING FROM BEGINNING TO END. It’s time that we *mutually agreed* with Adonai that he knows best. WE DON’T GET TO KNOW THE TIME. What we’ll get is the Holy Spirit. We need to focus more on *becoming familiar* with how he communicates to us. Because when we really start to HONOR how God does things, amazing things happen. Honor doesn’t just bring about a level of honesty, integrity and respect. But as women, another definition of the word is “chastity or purity in a woman”. What does the New King James Version say in Hebrews 13:4? That marriage is HONORABLE among all? What is the husband instructed to do to his wife? HONOR her as the weaker vessel, right (I Peter 3:7)? Sistahs, ministers-in-training, we have to become HONORABLE so that we can be honored. We have to operate as a woman of greatness *now* by doing what’s right, not in our eyes, but in the sight of God. We have to prove ourselves worthy of reverence and trust by how we treat men *now*, married or not. And Lord have mercy (literally)…some of us need to sprint to the throne of grace (Hebrews 4:16) to get our ESTEEM (a synonym of “honor”, BTW) in check, quick, fast and in a hurry!

All of this wisdom. Now it’s time to retain what we have learned. Now it’s time to understand it.

Praise God for his mercy, though. Hmph. It does kind of feel like getting a test paper back and hearing the teacher say, “Do over.”

Shoot, but praise God for the “DO OVER”. (LOL)

Praying for your understanding, my friends.

It’s the honorable thing to have.

Wisdom says so.

Love to you,


©Shellie R. Warren/2010