I thought long and hard about writing for this site last year. It’s not that I don’t believe in what they are doing. It’s not that they are any more “out there” than I am (I authored a book on the lessons I learned about promiscuity in 2004). It’s not that I myself cannot understand the demonic stronghold that comes with pornography. It’s just that when you actually volunteer to put yourself on the frontlines of battle—and sexual misuse of any kind is a war of the flesh and will—-there are parts of you that will ask “Are you sure? To want to engage in spiritual combat is a little strange, don’t you think?”
I do “think” that. However, what I “know” supercedes it.
Last November, I asked several men in my life to commit to praying for me one day a week in 2007. I wasn’t sure what was going on at the time. I just knew that because I am still a single woman, I must make sure that I am “covered”. A few months later, in my prayer time, God told me to contact the XXX Church fellas to see how I could help. It was just way too easy how everything worked out and so I knew it was God (How do I know? Because where God is, peace is).
So, here I am. Who am I?
I am a woman who is a survivor of basically all things sexual. I have been sexually molested. I have been the victim of a date rape. I have aborted four children. I have been sexually involved with people’s boyfriends (and at one time, even someone’s fiance). I have been addicted to masturbation and at a couple of points in my life, even pornography. Yes, I do believe that I am an overcomer, but I have a different definition than most. Whenever people ask me “How do you know you are delivered?”, I tell them that deliverance to me is no more than operating in spiritual awareness and foresight. Refusing phone calls at 1AM from a guy I used to sleep with is operating in foresight. Not watching Cinemax at 11PM (it seems like “those shows” are getting on earlier and earlier) is operating in foresight. Avoiding spending time with the object of my affection while I’m ovulating (’cause ladies, that’s when we tend to be the most “amorous” and God made us that way) is operating in foresight. Being honest with myself and my God about my struggle(s) is operating in foresight.
I am a woman just like many of you who will read my blogs from time to time. I don’t believe that this walk of sexual purity is easy (whoever told you that is a liar), but I am proof that it is possible. When Craig asked me what I wanted to call the blog, I knew I wanted the word “butterfly” in it. Several years ago, I worked a job that I pretty much hated, but one thing I did gain from it was the knowledge that the symbol for those who have survived sexual abuse (AB-normal USE) is that of a butterfly. To this day, I collect them.
If you are reading this, you may not be as “free as the butterflies” yet, but you are coming out of your cocoon; believe that. I’m not here to force you. One of my favorite nature tales is that of the Emporer Butterfly. Although it’s considered to be the most beautiful, because no one is really sure when it will emerge, people often try and force it out. When they do, it flies for a moment, but then falls to its death very shortly. I believe that I am just one of the agents that God will use to protect you and nurture (through words) as you try and break free from the sexual addiction that binds you.
With that said, here’s to a divine connection,