If you wait for the last question from the child on this short, you will see why I thought it was a good fit for this blog:
“Extra virgin”. Indeed (LOL). Frankly, I’m at a point where I find myself asking the same thing. Well, not what it means so much as *where are they?*
Yesterday, I was engaging in a conversation with a couple of people; one of the them a church elder. In the middle of our conversation I said, “Masculine men are an endangered species in the spirit realm.” Initially, it didn’t sit too well with the elder, who is the father of three sons: “We’ve got to watch our words, Shellie. I have sons”, to which I replied, “Hear me out. Masculinity is under attack and when an animal is on an endangered species list, what do we do? We make a concerted effort to do whatever we need to in order to protect it. Even if it has to be extreme.”
After reading an article entitled, “Five Reasons Not to Sleep with a Virgin” (from a men’s site with some graphics that I’ll spare you of), I realized that virgins probably need to be placed on the “spiritual endangered species” list as well:
1- There’s extra prep work
2- There’s a freak-out potential
3- She’ll likely get attached
4- She lacks skills
5- It could get messy
Yeah. It sounds pretty selfish and creepy and worldly and even a bit mean. But you know what? I’ve had conversations *with Christians* who have had some pretty miserable *wedding night* experiences (with a long series of disappointing nights to follow) all because they went into sex with this kind of mentality as well. They didn’t process the sexual intimacy with their virgin spouse as a *blessing* when it comes to the fact that their covenant partner is unskilled, which means that yes, it will probably take a while for things to “gel” and all of the orgasms that you’ve been hearing about to unleash themselves (hence, the two *becoming one*-Genesis 2:24-25).
And do you know a big part of the reason why they weren’t in that kind of headspace? It was because they may have been a “virgin” but not “extra virgin”. Meaning, they may not have been *penetrated* or have penetrated someone else, but oral sex, porn, masturbation, mutual masturbation, “everything but” had consumed them for so long that they *mentally* were not *pure enough* to embrace the *physical beauty* that comes with the gift of virginity. Personally, I think this is a huge part of the reason why I Timothy 5:22(NKJV) *tells us all* to “Do not lay hands on anyone hastily, nor share in other people’s sins; keep yourself pure.” It’s to keep us from reducing such a *sacred blessing* into something that is no more than a physical release…an act. A place where we’re actually finding *cons* when it comes to sleeping with someone who has never slept with anyone else. I mean…
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE WORLD WOULD LOOK LIKE IF ALL OF US WAITED UNTIL WE COULD SLEEP WITH ONLY ONE PERSON FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES? GEE, NO STDS, NO UNWANTED CHILDREN, NO TRYING TO AVOID COMPARING OUR SPOUSE TO OTHER PEOPLE WE’VE BEEN WITH WHILE WE’RE SLEEPING WITH THEM. YEAH, THAT’S A REAL BUMMER. *blink, blink*
Which brings me to another list that I found. The “Top 10 Reasons to Stay a Virgin Until Marriage“. Here’s this author’s take on the “pros” of waiting it out (these are excerpts, by the way):
Number 1: You have one life… and sex can cause drastic changes in it.
Whether you are young or old, action brings forth consequence.
Number 2: Happiness and kids.
If you don’t like kids, then why try so hard to make one? If you don’t know if you like kids, be a babysitter once in awhile and see how much you like it! Yes… guys too.
Number 3: “I saved this just for you!”
Wow… that’s commitment to another person. Doesn’t it feel really special that your partner for life actually had forsaken giving it all to someone else until they had met you… before they knew you?
Number 4: Hypocrisy is not the best policy.
Going out to all of those who decide they are wannabe zealots for God… you know who I’m talking about. The people who hold up signs in front of places that say “Homosexuality is a Sin” when they are banging every cheerleader on the pom squad or sleeping with the captain of the football team. When you put up signs that also say “Fornication is a Sin” then I might actually take you seriously.
Number 5: I make the trends, I don’t follow them.
This attitude is highly respected. The celebrities are getting divorced, everyone is having kids early, and people are losing their virginity in grade school. Why should you? Treasure your individuality by not sharing it with anyone. Individualists are a prized novelty, though often reviled by society in general.
Number 6: The less you look at others, the more people look at you.
Respecting someone can get you light years ahead of people who don’t respect anyone (including themselves). If you are known not to be a chaser, people tend to feel safer being your friends and it may open up more opportunities for you in the long run.
Number 7: No matter where you do it, with whom you do it, or in what position… the wrong people tend to find out.
How many times have you seen it happen? You two have an escapade, they promise not to kiss and tell, but the next day everyone is a buzz about you two getting together and the other significant other that you never knew about wants your throat ripped out. Or how about this one? Her dad has a shotgun, she’s underage, and he accidently sees the e-mail you sent her about what a great time you had in the car. Drama is a part of life, but most can agree that we can live a lot better without it. If something is just gossip, you have a lot easier time making it not believable if you keep yourself.
Number 8: I’d rather buy an X-Box 360 every month rather than pay child support.
This may sound asinine, but if you are a single man, there are better things to spend money on than a girl with a baby. There are also very predatory girls who use pregnancy as a weapon against guys in this day and age.
Number 9: You avoid playing the dangerous game of STD Pokemon; “Gotta Catch ‘Em All!”
You think AIDS is the only thing you have to watch out for? I’m not a statistics monger, but there is no better way to live a long and happy life than to wait until you have met the woman you will spend the rest of your life with. Why shorten it by playing “rushing roulette” with condoms and four partners? After all, statistically, one of those four condoms will break. This also goes for those who may have another sexual orientation than what is expected. Sure… two guys and two girls can’t get the other pregnant, but when one out of four sexually active teens have an STD and 80% aren’t aware of it (www.getthetruth.com), it can easily be carried over into adulthood unchecked.
Number 10: ‘I love you’ ain’t what it used to be.
No flowers, no movie, you’ve known one another for two days and you wanna show the dedication you have to the love of your life by sharing your body. When one says ‘I love you’ in this day and age, it is often times best to finish the sentence. The person you are seeing may want to finish the sentence with “I love you… frequently”. Another popular one is “I love you if…”. Or how about this one? “I love you, but…”. Make sure the definitions of love are known between the two of you!
(Shellie here): You know, I tried to find a YouTube that I checked out earlier this week on the very topic of virginity, and more specifically, *purity*. While I’m not sure why the girl was laying down and being seductive to make her point (LOL), it was a good point nonetheless. She had a glass of water and she said, “You know, right now the water is pure water. What happens if I pour a little bit of bleach in it?” (She pours in a few drops) Then she says, “It’s just a little bleach. Will it kill me? I doubt it, but why take the risk?”
*Why take the risk, virgins?* (And trust me, sex outside of marriage is RISK-Y!)
And for the rest of us, why are we not *putting forth more effort* to one, get our ownselves pure and two, to protect such rare and precious beings as the virgins that we personally know?
You know in the Bible, you were either a virgin or you were married (see I Corinthians 6,7). There was no “in between”. Well, there was, but it wasn’t really unpleasant (see stoning). Also, we know what God says about being lukewarm (Revelation 3:16) and so I’m not sure why we would assume that our sexuality was exempt. God doesn’t change (Malachi 3:6). Sexual purity is still a part of his Master Plan.
And the irony to all of this is that if we waited until marriage, would there even need to be a “pros” and “cons” list? Would we even use the phrase “losing virginity”?
Personally, I’m thinking we would be more in the lane of “I am one with my spouse. And they’re not going anywhere. Especially the next morning. Especially just because things got a little messy. Especially since I was *skilled enough* to love them enough…to wait.”
Just a thought.
I mean, the world doesn’t care about virginity and purity, but we certainly should.
With the main reason on “the list” being, “Because I deserve to be loved in sex, which means being protected and committed to. Forever. *Purely*.”