First, pray for wisdom, if your boyfriend is chipping away at your resolve to remain pure. It’s an attack against your virtue, plain and simple.

I see two obvious results of being pushed into going too far sexually: you can either resist and hold your ground (yes!), or give in to the pressure and just let that line be crossed (no!). If you have a sexual past, you may tempted to believe the lies that every guy will just expect you to give up the goods, or that you aren’t worth waiting for. Don’t believe them! Wherever you are at in your journey, Jesus can cleanse you and give you a pure heart. He can do the same thing for your boyfriend. It’s not a change that we can make in our own strength, so make sure you surrender to the only One who can.

Think about the character of someone who pushes a woman to go further than she wants to. Is he honoring you by wearing down your resolve and trying to get you to go a little further and compromise your morals? Is he honoring God by trying to see how much of your body he can gawk at or touch?

A lot of guys have never been instructed on how to treat a lady, and that leaves many of them literally fumbling around in the dark, seeing just how much they can get away with. At some point, boys who ‘will be boys’ need to grow up and be men. I think part of our roles as women is to challenge our guys to a higher standard and to call out the greatness in them. With that in mind, it does fall on us to draw the lines that must not be crossed.

Is the relationship even worth saving? An answer to that question can best be achieved by setting boundaries and enforcing them. If you set a boundary and he still pushes you to go further, that’s your clue that he doesn’t respect you enough to straighten up and be a man. If he respects your boundaries and stops pressuring you, then there might be hope. I think everyone deserves a second chance, but if you continue to date a guy who keeps pressuring you to go further, you will more than likely cave in at some point. It’s only through the strength of the Holy Spirit that we can resist temptation. Our own flesh is weak!

If he doesn’t respect you enough to obey this physical boundary while you’re dating, consider what other ways down the road he might try to force you to compromise your morals if you marry him. It sets a dangerous precedent, to continue a relationship with someone who is always trying to get you to go a little further and give up a little more of yourself. Trust me: you will die a little more as time goes on.

If he has forced himself on you against your wishes, it was rape, and that’s not your fault. If he has already succeeded in getting you to compromise yourself sexually, I encourage you to seek the advice of a godly woman at your church who can speak truth into your life. No matter what you have done, you are never beyond the reaches of God’s grace and forgiveness. There is no mess that’s too dirty for God to clean up. But you need to stop whatever you’re in the middle of doing with him and repent. Remember: You are a daughter of the King, and he needs to treat you like one. He is a son of the Most High, and you also need to treat him like one, even if he isn’t acting like it. 

Finally, who does he desire more: you or God? If he desires you more than God, he is turning you into an idol. If he desires God more than you, as it should be, then he will probably listen to godly wisdom and respect your boundaries. It’s not an easy situation to be in, but you are worth fighting for, and if he can’t or won’t fight his own urges, he’s fighting against your honor — not for it.