Ladies,
Thanks so much for responding to my CFS (Call For Submissions). I must admit that while I was hurt to read so many stories, I wasn’t shocked. I have stood firm for a long time now on the fact that women are much more affected by the porn/sexual addiction world than society and/or the Church want/choose to accept. Your boldness, ladies in briefly sharing your testimonies are proof of that.
I have archived the responses and I will be getting in touch shortly. I DON’T NEED ANYMORE (at least for this book) and so any testimonies that are sent after this day, while I will do my best to respond, I will not be reviewing them for “Eyes Opened; Legs Closed”.
In the meantime, let me offer you all a brief praise report of mine in hopes that it will give you some encouragement.
Week before last was a WEEK FROM HELL when it came to me and my hormones. Everything in me was screaming to give up this “I can’t believe I am celibate during a time that I am entering my sexual pique” fast. Exes were calling. I was dreaming about porn videos I had seen. I was consumed with getting a “fix”.
Some people ask me how I can be so “candid” about things like this. Well, I will tell you why. I know who and whose I am. God is very supportive when it comes to making confessions:
“Confess to one another therefore your faults (your slips,
your false steps, your offenses, your sins) and pray [also] for one
another, that you may be healed and restored [to a spiritual tone of
mind and heart]. The earnest (heartfelt, continued) prayer of a
righteous man makes tremendous power available [dynamic in its working].”—James 5:16 (AMP)
“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”—I John 1:9 (NKJV)
That’s one of the things that I both appreciate about ministries like X3Church. It provides a platform for people to open and honest about their struggles, and I just want to say that contrary to some of our religious upbringings, THAT IS A GOOD THING. When you are humble enough to admit that you are human, that is when the Divine can do miraculous things in your life.
Anyway, back to my week from hell.
So, come around mid-week, I found myself saying, “OK God, you are going to have to give me some incentive here. I don’t know where my (future) husband is, so if I am going to stick to this program, that means I have no clue when I will have sex again. Besides, you know I wouldn’t have given it up on my own accord. This is strictly a ‘because you said so’ thing. I don’t know how long I can hold on, so help a sistah out.”
Actually, I was a little more graphic when I got to talking about the sex part, but there can oftentimes be a fine line between testimony sharing and TMI, so I will leave it right there. 🙂
Now, let me show you how faithful our God is and why we really should “cast our cares” because he really does care for us (I Peter 5:7). On Monday, I got a phone call from Michelle (the blogger for the spouse section of the site). Long conversation short (because she and I just love gabbing), she booked a date for me to speak on January 10, 2009. Do you know what’s so deep about that?!? JANUARY 9 MARKS THE TWO-YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF MY ABSTINENCE.
You get it? God could have given me any date, but he gave me a day that I could actually celebrate overcoming this stronghold of mine (I’m sure it was no coincidence that it’s a whopping four months away, too. Gee…thanks God. [smile]).
And why am I sharing this with you? In some of your sharing, you queens sounded so hopeless. Yes, the bondage that you are in can seem crippling, but there is hope, there is faith, there is grace, there is mercy. GOD LOVES YOU and your sin/stronghold does not intimidate him; don’t let it scare you.
Because next to salvation, sex is the most powerful gift given to man, it’s understandable how it can have such a severe effect on you, whether you are single or married; whether it’s based in love or lust. Any time you feel alone in this thing, just go back and read that 19 messages (to date) from other women (and a few men) who are dealing with this. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. We are praying for you and more importantly, there are more of us—including me—who understand what you are going through.
Quite frankly, another motivator that I have in staying abstinent is so that I can stay in a place where I understand the blood, sweat and tears that come with fighting a battle like this. The truth is, it’s pretty easy to preach an option that you yourself are not using. (So, be leery of the people who make light of your pain…there’s a good chance that they have the same “log” in their eye [Matthew 7:3-5] that they are giving you grief over!)
I know it’s not easy and from what I’ve read, a lot of your issues go way beyond porn. Some of you have made statements/confessions that I will be addressing on this blog over the next few days, but in the meantime, as I’ve often said, I am not someone who believes in coincidences. If you are “here”, it’s for a reason. We respect that and we don’t take it lightly. Your soul is beautiful to us because GOD MADE IT.
Hang in there. Stay hopeful. Take it one day at a time. That is all God expects of you:
“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”—Matthew 6:34 (NKJV)
“Talk” to you soon,
Shellie