As a man who’s been walking in recovery for the last 14 years, the demographic that I’ve worked primarily with has been men. I’ve seen the devastating effects that pornography has had upon young men, older men, and everyone in between.
My wife & I have worked with couples and have seen the wrecking ball that is addiction virtually demolish marriages and families. And thankfully, we’ve also seen great healing in many individuals’ lives too.
Meanwhile, a statistic that is growing every day is the amount of women who are becoming addicted to pornography. According to a 2018 study from the National Library of Medicine, an alarming 91.5% of men watch pornography. And almost shockingly, 60.2% of women also watch pornography.
And the numbers have only gone up throughout the years.
It’s been long said that pornography doesn’t discriminate based on gender, age, or any diversifying factor. So the major question we’re presented here is why women are seemingly becoming addicted in the same way men are?
Well, believe it or not, the answer may not be as different from men as you might think. Granted, there is not a “one size fits all” event that takes place in every female’s life and leads her down the road of addiction.
One of the greatest reasons women become addicted to viewing pornography is due to early exposure.
Some kind of sexual material is found by accident. A friend brings a picture or magazine to school. There can be all sorts of ways something is discovered. And because most children are naturally curious, they have no idea what it is they are really consuming!
I was only 12 years old when I discovered pornography for the first time. Today’s statistics are even more frightening as children’s first exposure to porn is happening as young as 8!
What happens within a child’s mind and heart when they are first introduced to such graphic sexual material? Something they have never encountered before like hardcore pornographic images?
Certainly, for both males and females, there is a sexual awakening at an early age that was never meant to take place. This is something the Bible speaks very specifically about in Song of Songs 2:7. The writer says this:
“Promise me…not to awaken love until the time is right.”
It can also be translated: “not to awaken love until it is ready.” What does porn do (namely to a female)? It tries to convince her that in order to be loved by a man, she needs to be willing to do whatever she needs to do sexually to be loved.
It implants a false message in young minds that “women have to be desirable” and porn is the blueprint for how to accomplish that.
Now, of course, no 8-year-old has that specific thought. But as they become adolescents and as they begin receiving the messages our culture delivers, this becomes a very common mindset.
Pain is a universal factor that every human being shares. Every single one of us has pain that we’ve either experienced in life or are experiencing right now. And so often, for women who become addicted, there may be some kind of wound or trauma related to a parent or family member.
Maybe there was a fractured relationship with their dad OR no relationship at all! And they turn to porn in hopes of experiencing that feeling of love and safety. Perhaps there was a divorce that took place or some kind of abuse.
I recently heard someone talking about the heart-breaking scenario described above when a child discovers or is exposed to something like pornography before there is even a problem in their lives. Eventually what begins to happen is what took place in my life: I had no idea what I had just found. But at that moment, whatever innocence that had existed was gone.
Pornography creates both excitement and shame within a person’s life. It wouldn’t be long that as I started to experience moments that were painful, environments that were uncomfortable, and events that felt stressful, I would turn to porn to try and medicate what I didn’t want to face.
Ultimately, the reasons that women turn to porn aren’t that different from men. Pain is something that every person experiences.
Ready for the good news? (yes, there is good news!) THERE IS A BETTER WAY!!!
As you begin to explore, investigate, and address the pain in your life, you can become free! You can become healthy! You can become the man or woman that God created you to be all the way back in the garden.
It all begins with an honest admission of what you’re feeling and turning the tables on your addiction. You may have been exposed to porn at a really young age. But YOU now have the opportunity to expose your addiction to the light and truth!
If you’ve recently found your way to XXXchurch, there is so much help available. You can easily find links above to become a part of a small group of other individuals like yourself who are struggling, download helpful software on all your devices that will help protect you or even take the powerful step of connecting one-on-one with someone who is ready to listen to your story.