Four years ago I finally got real with myself and admitted that I wasn’t going to kick this porn thing alone. I realized that I could not rely on myself to kick this junk to the curb. I finally admitted that I needed someone else. This step in the healing process is not always easy. You see, naturally we think that we are strong enough to do things on our own. We think this is a problem that we can overcome if we just have enough faith and determination, or if we only pray enough. While, yes, you will not get passed this without your faith in Christ, the one thing missing is that human connection encouraging you and, more importantly, calling you out on your crap. Someone to ask the tough questions. Someone who will actually come out and ask the question, “Dude, you been lookin at porn?” or, “Dude, how you been doing with masturbation?” This is called accountability, and I am telling you right now that you will not get clean without it.
Porn is different from many other addictions. It is such an internal addiction that can so easily be hidden. It is something that no one can even know you battle with. I know for myself, until I came clean to the dude that eventually became my accountability partner, not a soul knew I was struggling with porn. I even was on the leadership board for different ministries on my campus, and no one had a clue. This is because it was my dirty little secret that I kept all to myself because I thought I could beat it. I thought I could overcome it on my own. Man, was I wrong. Not until I opened up to my best friend, Tim, did the healing begin to take place. It felt like a million pounds had been lifted off my shoulders. It was like I was free for the first time in years.
Tim wasn’t afraid to ask me the tough questions, and I asked him the same questions. We kept each other in check. Sometimes weekly. Sometimes daily. Sometimes hourly. It was something we were both committed to. We knew this was something we had to get out of our lives. We knew that eventually there was going to be a future Mrs. in our lives and that every time we indulged in this crap that we were only cheapening what we would one day have. Our accountability is something that we even continue today. We are also both getting married soon and will be each other’s best man. It’s been a pretty cool ride praying the past four years together for the future and to be living it out together.
I give you this little piece of my story because I want you to know that accountability is where it’s at– real accountability, that is. Real accountability is not being afraid to ask the tough questions. Not being scared to call your friend out on their crap. It builds life long friendships. It is the most effective road to recovery.
Jordy