Can you choose your family - blogYou can choose your friends but you can’t choose your family.”

I’m pretty sure everyone has said these words, or at least thought them at some point. Family can be frustrating at times, even downright embarrassing (don’t tell my mom I said that!). Yet there’s comfort in knowing there are people who have your back. People who tease you on one hand, but will be over in a flash defending your name if need be.

There is security in knowing there are people who will stand by you even when you mess up and let them down. This is called unconditional love. It’s such a powerful force that when we grasp it, we truly believe we can do anything. We become secure in who we are because we don’t have to live a certain way to be accepted.

But porn addiction causes these kinds of thoughts to wither and die. You hide from the people who care about you the most because you’ve become afraid of hurting them.

For the most part, families have something in common beyond having the same last name or same nose. Something that, despite all your differences and fights, you unite around:

Each other.

If you are an addict you need a family like that. Other men and woman who have had their lives controlled by porn. People who understand.

I lead an X3group which includes men from all over the world. Different cultures, different accents, different time zones… but the same fears and hopes. We’re a family. We may not always agree on life, but like a good family we don’t let that get in the way of being there for each other. We celebrate with each other and pick each other up when we trip. Some of us have more experience than others and we are all able to teach and learn from each other.

When you find community like this it changes everything. You can stop looking over your shoulder and look forward. You don’t have to worry about being rejected because you are in to stay. 

We want you. We need you. We love you.

Yeah you mess up sometimes, yeah, you hurt yourself, and yeah, you can be hard to live with.


We all can.

Today can be the day you stop defining yourself by what you do and rather start defining yourself by who you really are (Tweet This!). That is, someone who is loved and accepted just as they are. Families shouldn’t be about always looking good and keeping up appearances that everything is perfect all the time.

True family is about being open and honest because you know you won’t be rejected.

Is your family like that? Do you have people who love you for who you are?

It’s okay if you don’t, because you can.

Open up to a friend.
 Talk to a trusted pastor or counselor. Join an X3group.

Choose your family.


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