I wanted to be fair to everyone who reads this article. Since I only knew a girls perspective on masturbation, I went to a few of my awesome guy friends. These guys were willing to be open with me about their struggles so that I would be able to better reach not only my fellow struggling girls but also you guys out there who are struggling. In this way we all can learn better to fight our fight against masturbation.
After being in the habit or even addicted to masturbating is it possible to live without it? I know it may seem impossible but it’s not! Though I can tell you it is NOT an easy road, but it is worth it. Though if you really want to stop, you really have to WANT to stop, dedication is key.
And I’m sure there are some of you guys out there that want to stop but you have been told that you NEED to masturbate because there is some kind of health benefit, or even to stop wet dreams. Truth is there is no real benefit to masturbation, and you can’t stop wet dreams. Just take a shower in the morning.
Porn and sexual addiction is said to be one of the hardest addictions to beat. One reason I believe this is true is because you can take drugs away from a drug addict, food from a glutton. You can go broke if you’re a shop-a-holic. . . With most addictions you can take something away and learn how to live without the addiction. But if you’re a sex addict you can just go into a bathroom and even if you don’t have anyone else there you can get your fix. If you watch porn, you know those images are unforgettable which unfortunately makes “easy access” anywhere, anytime. Even without porn we still have our imagination to fantasize. Even fleeing temptation is harder because of this sexualized culture we live in. We are constantly bombarded with images and messages of sex, in the checkout aisles, billboards, TV, music, advertisements –even now on Facebook. And masturbation is a sort of release for these images and messages.
HOW TO DEAL WITH THE SEXUALIZED CULTURE
The key to remember when you see these images (especially guys, cause God made y’all to be visual) re-train your brain. How? In 2 Corinthians 10:5 we are told to take every thought captive. So when you see these images in everyday life or even some girl (or guy) dressed to turn heads, then train your mind not to lust over what you’re seeing, and focusing on their physical attributes – instead focus on other attributes, like their character, and learn to respect them as a person instead of an “object” to lust after. Pray for her (or him) and think of them as a real person with a real life, and real feelings.
We are sexual beings so it’s no wonder why King Solomon warns in Song of Songs “not to awaken love until the time is right.”, because once the sexual nature is awakened in us, once that sense of innocence is -(not knowing that) gone, there is no turning back. Either by your choosing or someone else’s, things will never be the same, you can put it in “remission” or even control it, but it’s still there; you can’t take back the feelings and memories you now have.
Making a choice to stay pure before marriage takes a decision made before hand, one that comes before the heat of the moment; even if you have messed up before, it’s never too late to start taking a stand for purity. It can be easier to take a stand against someone else in the heat of the moment, but when it’s just you in the room it’s harder to take that stand and say no. But it’s important to remember that you are not alone in ANY room, because God is omnipresent, which means He is EVERYWHERE! He sees EVERYTHING! That thought alone can be intimidating, but looking past that, and seeing what a great thing that is – It means that God is with us!
Unfortunately it is so easy to forget that God promised us that He would be with us always, but it means even in the heat of the moment we can call upon His name for strength to fight temptation. It is not a sin to be tempted, even Jesus was tempted by the Devil while He was fasting for forty days in the desert, and Jesus never sinned. We sin when we fall into temptation, by letting our desires get in the way of what God is calling us to do.
Though unfortunately I can attest to times, of even knowing that God is there, it didn’t have too much of an effect on me because either my heart had been hardened, or I had felt like I had messed up too much, or it felt too good to be true that there was a loving God and I was breaking His heart, and there was option of turning back. Can you relate?
FACING THE GIANT– Part one
The question is: have you faced this? This struggle will never go away, even when you are old and gray you will still have the urge to masturbate, and marriage will NOT fix this. So have you admitted what that you’re struggling with masturbation to anyone, or even yourself? For the longest time I couldn’t say it to myself or even write out masturbation because I did not want to face it, saying or even writing it would mean admitting the horrible thing I had fallen into. In James 5:16 we are told to confess our sins to one another; It is important to break the silence and tell someone that you are close to and can trust that you struggle with masturbation. Look for accountability. Also it is important to make sure your accountability partner is the same gender as you.
I know it is hard to look for accountability. Either once you do speak out, they don’t understand what you’re going through, or even to find a person who has the guts to straight up, on a regular basis ask “When was the last time you looked at porn? Had lustful thoughts? Masturbated? What are you turning to instead of masturbation?” It’s hard, and sometimes seems impossible to find someone. Pray for God to provide someone, and He will.
Even in the time that you are looking for an accountability partner, don’t wait to speak out, because you never know where you can find accountability. Keeping the secret definitely won’t help you find someone. Once I spoke out and now have now been clean for months I made a decision that if I messed up again I would go to the people I first opened up to and confess that I messed up again, whether they asked how I was doing or not.
Parts 2 and 3 coming soon.