I remember being shy as a teenager. I mean really shy. I was outgoing and funny, and usually the loudest person in the room. However when it came to “making a move” I would get petrified. I would break out in cold sweats; it was a horrible sight to behold.
I went on a lot of dates, had sex and messed around with girls (before I knew it as sin) yet held onto the title that I never asked a girl out on a date or made a first move. In the moments of searching for companionship (dates) when the well was dry, there was porn. I had a plethora of girlfriends who in my mind pursued me. Being so paralyzing shy this was a great escape for me. When I became a follower of Christ, porn was even more of a convenience. “At least I wasn’t having sex anymore, or messing around” was my common excuse.
The problem was it was all a lie. I found comfort for a moment. Yet I found nothing satisfying. The momentary comfort of my heart was at the expense of the discomfort of my soul. It began to make sense to me why Jesus said “anyone who looks at a woman lustfully, has already committed adultery with her in his heart”.
Categorically it blows my mind that this is in the gospel of Matthew right after the beatitudes. He gives out all of these blessings, then immediately puts the focus on major heart matters. The sin is not in the act viewing porn, or masturbation. We forget the sin, is a heart matter. A soul matter. We look so many times to “comfort” our souls, or our hearts with so many things that are not of God. Yet we forget that God is the greatest comforter we would ever have.
David wrote “May your unfailing love be my comfort”. Just because you may be shy, or struggle with feelings of loneliness. Remember momentary comfort is not comfort. Where porn may feel as if it’s comforting a desire, God comforts the soul.