ForgivenessA few years ago I went to a counselor. We talked about a lot of things but one of the things we got around to discussing was my childhood. People or events from when you were a kid can have big effects on you when you grow up. Through our talks I came to realize that shortly after my Father died, I had tried to reach out to someone to become a father figure, only to be turned down. To an 11-year-old who just lost their father, it was like a punch to the stomach.

I also realized that there were multiple other times when I had felt let down by people I needed to care for me. It wasn’t always their fault, but I took the rejection as it was something about me that made me unlovable. Or unworthy.

I carried those feelings with me as I grew up. In how I thought people didn’t like me, or in how I tried to act in a way to please people in my life.

So my counselor had me write a letter to one of the people to tell them I had forgiven them. I didn’t actually send that letter, but the simple act of forgiveness I put into it had a dramatic effect on my life.

Forgiveness is about restoration. For you and the other person. It’s about freedom for yourself. To not let what the person did to you or said about you be true any more. When you forgive, you are no longer under the control of them or the event.

Sometimes we can feel shame or misplaced guilt; forgiving allows us to break free from that.

Much of porn addiction is about dealing with deep shame. Shame that maybe someone else made you feel or brought upon you.

Porn is our responsibility, but sometimes a big step in recovery is looking at all the ways we were hurt and all the doubts that arose from that and which led us to seek solace in other places.

Maybe you need to forgive someone from your past. A parent who was distant? A relative who abused you? Did something happen to you that made you feel unloved or unappreciated? Forgiving others will allow you to forgive yourself.TWEET THIS!


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