Is it possible to not have sex before your married?
The simple answer? Yes, it is. But while it’s easy to say, it’s hard to do, especially in the sexualized culture that we live in.
To be completely honest though I really didn’t understand what it meant when I made the decision “to save myself for marriage”. In seventh grade when I took the purity class my youth group was putting on, I understood purity as not having sex till I was married.
I have now come to the conclusion and now firmly believe that purity before marriage for the most part is possible, but I also know it involves a lot more than just keepin’ it in your pants.
Because if we look at it through the lens of scripture we see Jesus at the Sermon on the Mount say-
“But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Matthew 5:28 (NIV)
So even though you may never have “sex” you can still have sexual sin. And I’m sure as some of you can attest, it’s possible to never actually have sexual intercourse and still be a sexual addict.
Being sexually pure means keeping our minds just as pure our bodies.
We should make strides to make sure we are guarding our eyes from sexual images. 2 Corinthians 10:5 says we are called to “take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”
The place I would start is by making decisions and boundaries for purity before heated situations come up.
Set up realistic goals, and boundaries for yourself
Here are two boundaries that I’ve set for myself:
- Don’t put yourself in risky situations, or even ones that look bad. Make sure you are not alone with the member of the opposite sex; if you want to hang out, go somewhere public. Don’t close doors, don’t seclude yourselves, and don’t even go into a house when there is nobody there.
- Who is your company? Don’t date or get really close to someone whom you know would push you to compromise your boundaries and your purity. “Do not be tricked by false words: evil company does damage to good behavior.” (1 Corinthians 15:33) If you choose wisely who you date, or even who you keep company with, then you won’t need to worry as much about fighting the pressure to give in.
One more thing that helps is accountability and support. It’s a lot easier to keep on track with extra support and to make sure you have someone who’s got your back. So surround yourself with other people trying to reach the same goal.
In the sexualized culture it’s hard to live for purity, especially since most of us have permanent scars because of the culture we live in. For those of us who have already made mistakes, we to can strive for purity. It’s never too late. Purity is something that must be fought for. So let’s fight. Together.
When you live for a strong purpose, then hard work isn’t an option. It’s a necessity. -Steve Pavlina
Together we can do this.