It is so hard for me to write about our culture as it pertains to sex and sexuality. Just about anything that you learn about sex from our society is going to be wrong, your friends will lead you in the wrong direction and they will tell you things are good when they are not. You will be asked to do sexual things, and you will be told that you do not need to be married to do them. Many times sexual experimentation really is not even an issue. Mostly what one could once have called experimenting is just doing what you see and hear that “everybody else” is already doing. There is really nothing experimental about it. We all have everything calculated down to a science. Largely because of pornography, we have an unearned idea of how a woman or a man will react if we do X to them. From our friends we already heard what the best way to do Y is, before we can learn it for ourselves. Looking back on my first sexual experience, I was much more comfortable than I should have been. Of course there were nerves, and some self-consciousness, but I had very little sense of trying to figure things out, or even marveling at the female form. I had already seen it all, it was, “a very normal thing for a 17 year old to be doing”. Where we do see the aspect of exploring sex, we see it as a sort of competition. At least that a good deal of guys can see it that way. It turns into a game of “who can get a girl to do the dirtiest thing” or of who went “the farthest” with a girl. Sexual experimentation should be a beautiful thing. We should not be seasoned sex experts before we get down with our husband/wife on our honeymoon bed. That is the time when we should be uncovering all the mysteries of sex and how it works. But as soon as we could look up any kind of sex that we wanted to see, the mystery was gone.
How fun would the game Clue be if you already know who killed who, with what and where? We need the unknown, if for nothing else than at least for preserving excitement. A friend of mine claims that he has never looked at pornography, and I really believe that he is telling the truth. This friend just got married, and I am so stoked for him to find out for himself everything about sex. This is how sex should be. We should be able to experiment, and explore and find out everything about the body of the person we love, after all, God made the body, and it is beautiful. Sex should not be embarrassing, experimenting should not be shameful and absolutely should not be a competition. If you have never experimented sexually or have even had sex, you are the lucky one, and I envy you. If you can save that for when you get married I promise you that you will be so much more happy than if you had slept with a hundred beautiful girls and had wild sex all over the world. Although our society has told you your whole life that more is always better, any honest person who has lived that life will tell you that it means nothing in the end. If you are like me and have already seen or done more than you should have, I want to encourage you to stop, and to wait. You have ridden the rollercoaster, (please pardon the cheesy metaphor) if you continue to ride it every day, you will not be happy. But if you stop and wait until it is time to ride it again, its splendor will be restored. This applies to both the physical and the emotional aspects of sex. So please! Experiment away! Sex is a gift, but you have to be very careful with it, and it is only to be opened at the right time.