I was sexually abused as a young girl, which led to masturbation at a young age; not much later down the road, I was led to pornography, and it progressed from there. All these new and unknown emotions that were not supposed to be awakened until I was married had been awakened in me well before the age of ten. I had no clue what was going on, I didn’t know what I was doing, or even what all the feelings were. As I grew older, I slowly began to put the pieces together and understand all the feelings. I was a prisoner to a sexual addiction, but I never had a choice or a voice in the matter. I was a slave.
When I began to understand, I wanted a way out, and marriage seemed like my only escape from this addiction that had been haunting me ever since I can remember. I would tell myself, “If I can just hang on until I get married… Everything will be better when I’m married… Having a husband is the only possible escape from my addiction. He is my only hope. I just need to hang on till then…”

Still, marriage was miles away from middle school. Through high-school, I continued to look to my wedding day as my day of escape. I didn’t want to sin anymore; I was tired of being a slave to my desires and doing the things I never really wanted to do in the first place. I was tired of the repeat emotions of trying to break free, trying to take control, but always failing in the end. Sometimes, I would just give up and try to “embrace” my addiction, keeping it to myself so I wouldn’t do anything I would regret in years to come.

I finally got to a point, where I knew for a fact, I needed someone’s help. And as I began to work through my issues and search for outside help, I found myself in a support group with women who were much older than me but had once been in the same situations that I had been and was still in. Their stories told of pain and struggle, failed marriages, broken hearts and relationships, insecurities, and the ache in their hearts because God seemed too far away. Take the lesson I learned from them: don’t stuff your problems in a closet and think they will get better in time, or when A, B, and C happen. Even once you get married and the desires and “need” for porn or masturbation seems like it is gone, it is most likely not.
I learned it is best to deal with my problems now.  Marriage was not going to “fix” my addiction; the hurt from abuse would not be healed by having someone at my side, (though I’m sure it’s nice to have someone, and he/she could probably help). But, it is best to deal with your problems while you’re young, and before you’re married.   After hearing other’s stories, I can tell you that after the newness of a relationship has worn off, the addiction will poke its BIG ugly monster head once again.

Now, I do not look to marriage for an escape, because I have looked to God, and after years of bondage, I have been rescued! God saves us from our destructive behavior and addictions. He, and not our future spouse, is our only hope. We need to use this time before marriage to seek God and search for healing. Being content in God and where He has placed you is the best place to be. 
Though I do want to say that even though being cleansed by Christ is freeing, it does not mean there will not be consequences or repercussions from your actions or actions that others have committed against you.  For example, the pornographic images that you have seen will be engrained in your mind even when you are old and gray; but in Christ there is healing, there is freedom. Seek it now- don’t wait.
We should strive to enter marriage pure; for those of us who have messed up, or never really had the choice to be pure, there is still hope! I know it seems impossible to be pure after all the junk you have done or gone through, but by and through Christ alone we can be made whole and found pure. Go to your marriage bed forgiven and cleansed with the blood of Christ- purity, healing, and escape that is found only in Him.