I was recently sharing with a friend about my struggles with pornography and she asked me a pretty basic question but it rocked me. She asked, “What is the biggest lesson you have learned since starting on this healing journey?” It took me a while to really pinpoint anything I have learned because it has been so easy for me to be blinded by the here and now and the fact that I still struggle. It is easier to look at my shortcomings and the fact that I continue to fall rather than what God is doing through my shortcomings and how He is redeeming it.
A little while later, I was talking to another friend about my struggle with self-worth that I have had ever since I can remember and how I have always tried to earn God’s love. Through this conversation, I learned the answer to the first question. The biggest lesson God has taught me through this all is that He loves me no matter what, even on the really crummy days. I can honestly say that I believe this. Yes, there are times that I can doubt it but I ultimately know that He loves me. This realization encouraged me so much and I had a new appreciation for this road I have been on over the last year and a half. God does not waste a hurt or a struggle and He is always there to provide a way out. Now, it is up to us to choose His way out but often times it is hard.
I have struggled for so long truly believing God loves, forgives and forgets but it has been through this painful, ugly process of my addiction that I have learned and started to believe the truth. This is fascinating to me as this is part of the reason my addiction started; I was searching for love and acceptance but in a very wrong way! One of my favorite scriptures is Jeremiah 31:3,
“…I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness”.
No matter what you have done or where you are at, God is lovingly and passionately pursuing you. He knows what is best for you and will do anything it takes to get you back. There is only so much hiding that can be done. Believe me, I have tried hiding from God and it does not work. He loves us too much and cares so deeply for us that He is not going to stop at anything to get to us.
Knowing and believing this has helped me on the journey toward healing. Knowing that God loves me no matter what has challenged me to stand firm and ‘just say no’. God has something so much better for me to fill my life and mind with. I have to trust that He has my best interest in heart because He loves me so much that He knows the intimate parts of me that I may not even be aware of.
I don’t know where you are on your journey but my prayer is that you would truly meditate on how much God loves you. His love is not based on what you have or haven’t done. He is a simple breath away and waiting for you. Reach out, even if you don’t feel worthy, and see what happens. I dare you. God has something so much bigger and better for you and your journey will take on a whole new meaning.