Porn hide and seek is a game you play on your own and you never win.

I should know because I played it for years.

Basically you hide yourself away in porn, stuck in your room and wait until you find yourself. The trouble is the longer you play the deeper you go,the further you hide yourself and the more unrecognizable you become. Until you don’t even remember the person you were looking for in the first place.

I first saw porn when I was 14. From then I spent over 10 years getting sucked into a game I never really wanted to play, but couldn’t stop.I got better at the game too. I evolved at porn hide and seek. I knew how to stay hidden when people got close. I knew all the best places to hide. The perfect times that no one would be around to find me.The lies to tell to get to the next level.

In short, I was a porn hide and seek Ninja.

But there is always a price with porn hide and seek.

The price you pay is that the effects of the game spill out into the real world.

The changes in my personality, the withdrawals from people I knew, the low-self esteem, the lies I told myself and others, the increasing change from being an extrovert to an introvert. When the game stopped for a day or two, the changes continued. Then just when I was starting to feel real, alive and hungry for life again, I re-hid myself in porn and counted to 10.

The rules never changed but I always did.

Maybe you are playing this game too. Maybe you have lost count of how many days you have been hiding without anyone finding you. You feel lost forever.

But you do not have to be. You can be found. Like I was.

But you need to get someone’s attention. You need to tell someone you are lost so they can stop counting and come looking for you. To help find the real you. To search under the rocks and the dirt to find you buried, barely recognizable as the person you once were or are supposed to be.

But once you are found you do not have to hide any more. You can see the sunlight again and feel its warmth on your skin.

And it feels great. It really does. You can join in with everyone else who all the while you have been hiding have been playing better games.

That’s what happened when I told the first person that I was lost. They helped me find myself and they helped me rediscover the person I was all along. Since then, many people have helped me. The difference is the difference between black and white. I am more confident, I have a purpose, I love life, I am still human, I still struggle, I still want to give it all up to play another game of hide and seek from time to time but..

I have been found.

I am not sitting in the dark.

And the great news is..

You can be found too.

Perhaps this is the moment to stop counting and go seek.