I’ve never done drugs, any drugs, outside of an early-age bout with Flintstones chewables (20 years clean), but I think I can successfully draw some comparisons between porn and drugs. You gotta have it, right? Nothing else matters until you’re satiated. The thoughts, the movements, the sounds, the images somehow dance and drown simultaneously in your mind. You become consumed, body and brain, until you get your fix. Ah, there it is, you feel good, for about two seconds, then the guilt sets in, then sleep. When you wake up, you remember your previous night’s activities and guilt sets in once more. Fast forward to the next evening or maybe just the next time you’re alone, and there it is again, that craving, that desire to be “fulfilled”.
I wonder what it would be like if drugs were as easily obtainable as porn. What if you could get high with simply a few clicks. Would it be as appealing to secure that two second high if you didn’t spend hours and hours searching for it? On the flip side, what if you had to procure your pornography by calling your “guy” or hoping that some friends bring some extra to a party? Would you proudly display your evidence on your kitchen table or in your Facebook photos as many do with their drug paraphernalia? The point is that these two addictions can draw many similar attributes as well as outcomes. Porn makes you withdraw from others and from things you used to love. You become completely consumed in the addiction.
Again, what any addiction comes back around to is the importance of accountability. This being XXXChurch’s main message, you may have heard all different angles of the topic. What I want to convey here is the sheer necessity for the RIGHT kind of accountability. I’ve been in groups where most of us considered ourselves to be at the same level of struggle. This by itself is not a bad thing. But what happened was that we met, we talked, everyone agreed, and then no conversations were had thereafter. What happened? Was everyone magically cured of their challenges simply by having that initial conversation? No, what happened was that no action was taken. Since everyone seemed to be on the same page, a mentality of “Well, if I’m screwing up at least I know that all these other guys are on the same wavelength as my mistakes” began to set in. THIS IS NOT THE GROUP TO BE IN! There was no motivation to quit, only to not exceed the par set by the others. That’s like working a job just hard enough not to get fired.
Real, true accountability partners have to tell you like it is. They have to be those blunt but helpful people that addicts naturally steer clear of. Ask someone you’re not that comfortable with to begin with, but you know is solid in their beliefs and will promise to call you out on your BS when needed. I’ve learned time and time again, this is not something you do alone. You’re simply not strong enough, which is a hard concept to accept but is truly the first step toward kicking the habit for good. You can be delivered from pornography, I’ve seen it and it’s a beautiful thing. Keep at it.