Did you know that the biggest porn star you know is probably yourself?
Forget your Ron Jeremy’s or your Jenna Jameson’s.
It’s you.
Don’t follow? That’s OK. Let me explain.
When I was growing up it took me a while to get a girlfriend. I mean I’m talking early 20’s type of while. So I spent a lot of my teenage life kind of frustrated (teenage + frustration = uh oh) and wondering what was wrong with me. I wasn’t the guy that most girls would fall at the feet of. But it was annoying to me and I felt left out. I looked around and although not all my friends had girlfriends, I wanted one so badly.
Looking back maybe I can see a little of why I fell in love with porn so much. With porn I didn’t need a girlfriend. I didn’t need to feel confident around girls. I didn’t need to look cool. Because when I looked at porn I was all those things already…unfortunately just in my head.
I saw the guys in porn. I saw attractive women attracted to them. That attracted me and so I transferred myself into the scenario. I couldn’t get a real girlfriend to make me feel good about myself but who needs that when you can have porn instead. Porn was all I needed.
I had become a porn star and I didn’t even realise it.
But the thing was I had my whole self worth and being, totally screwed up. I was basing myself on something that wasn’t real. When you do that you’re not going to end up in a good place. I needed something to remind me who I really was. Or who I was already.
And for that we need to go back to the first naked couple ever. Long before man and woman got naked for other people’s pleasure on camera, there was Adam and Eve.
Isn’t it interesting that the first people were naked? Today we are trying to cover ourselves up to be decent. We don’t want anyone to see our bodies. It’s always just a little awkward every time you see someone naked on the street.
But for Adam and Eve that was normal. In fact it was celebrated. It was the way it was meant to be. When we see naked people today other than our husband or wife, we are probably watching porn. Probably in secret. Probably hidden. Either that or we have wandered onto the wrong beach.
For Adam and Eve however, being naked meant no shame. No awkwardness. Just real and perfect.
Today, in the wrong place and wrong circumstances, viewing nakedness is more likely associated with deep shame, regret, fear and loathing.
What changed? What happened from how things were supposed to be, to how they are today?
Well we all know the story. We all know how Adam and Eve disobeyed God and how suddenly “they realized they were naked”.
What’s happening here? Why did they look to something else for their self worth other than God? Why did they try to hide from God? Why were they so ashamed? Did they really not know they were naked? Did it not get a little cold outside? Isn’t this what happens when we look at porn? Aren’t these the same emotions and feelings? Is it possible…
that Genesis 3 is about porn?
Adam and Eve didn’t even know that they were naked. They didn’t know because all they knew was God. That’s all they needed to know. All they wore was God’s love for them so everything else could be stripped away. What else did they need? What else do we need?
I spent a lot of time wanting a girlfriend because I thought having a girlfriend is what would make me real. So I looked at porn because I thought that would make me real too. I “realized” I was naked and so I looked somewhere outside of God to fix that.
What is it that shows you you are naked? Is it porn? Is it how you look? Is it that you don’t think you are as sporty as other guys in your class? Is it that you never get picked first? Is it that the boys in your class think you are just a nerd, but you just want to be liked? Or maybe it’s just because you don’t feel like part of life?
Whatever it is, the good news is that it’s not how we are meant to be. We aren’t meant to be ashamed or afraid. We are meant to be naked. We are meant to not even be aware of it. We are meant to let God clothe us.
But first, we need to get naked.