As I was growing up, my Dad would always tell me “When you have sex outside of marriage you are at war with yourself”. Growing up this concept was difficult for me to understand because I didn’t fully understand the mind, body, and soul as distinctively as I would’ve liked. Growing up with Christian morals and a Christian routine, I was educated in the fact that sex outside of marriage was not ok. It was not pleasing to God, and I knew this in my mind but I never truly understood “why” it was not pleasing to God.
I was a “why?” child, and I always wanted to know why I should or shouldn’t do things. My dad is very wise and had tried to explain to me why, he always said the same thing and to this day still says it-“when you have sex outside of marriage you are at war with yourself, your soul is at war with your mind and body”. And this is very true, my dad was right. If you are not a Christian, the concept of waiting until marriage is not something of a priority, there’s probably no real desire for sexual purity and there isn’t any striving for a pure relationship. And this idea of waiting will probably make no sense to someone who does not follow God. Don’t get me wrong I’ve met people who are not Christians that are more sexually pure than some Christians I have met. The difference is that as a Christian, if you are taking up your cross daily, you DO have a standard to live up to. You are called to live like Christ (Ephesians 5:1-2). If you are a Christian you are choosing with your free will to say that you will follow God, and listen to his commands and accept his love and grace. And He commands us to live pure lives, He commands us to wait until marriage to have sex.
Sex is not bad. Sex is a gift FROM God to us, for our relationships with our husband or wife as an intimate act that can’t be expressed in words. We have to remember as believers that God is good and He has the best ways for us. He does not withhold goodness from those who love Him and seek Him. God created sex for us, He created this pleasure for us because He knows we are relational and intimate beings. He wants us to experience the fullness and the purity of sex within a marriage. God doesn’t tell us no because He wants to make us miserable, He tells us no because He loves us and does not want us to hurt and feel broken. But if we are not willing to wait and we decide to take matters in our own hands…well I’m sorry but I’ve been there and it is a destructive heartbreaking path. It is a path of tremendous damage and even greater healing.(1cor. 6:18,19)
You see what I think my Dad always tried to say is that as a Christian, you heart and soul cry out for God, it cries out for purity and holiness, it cries for Jesus and the likeness of Him. But your body cries for satisfaction, pleasure, and relationship of some sort. So if you are having sex outside of marriage you are giving your body satisfaction and pleasure but you are slowly but surely hurting your soul and relationship with God by knowingly going against His commands. Sex outside of marriage harms your soul. Sex outside of marriage harms your relationship with Jesus (Ephesians 5:3-5). Being sexual outside of marriage has more consequences than just your soul and your relationship with God. There are risk of STD’s, pregnancy, and addiction. These things are VERY real, all it takes is one time. I understand that is harsh, but it is true. And if you don’t understand the seriousness of this topic, I’m sorry but you’re missing something as a Christian. As a human you CAN do whatever you want, whenever you want. All things are permissible but not all things are profitable. A thing to know and remember is that when you have sex outside of marriage you are probably sleeping with someone else’s husband or wife. And you are going against your future husband or wife. You don’t think about it then but can you imagine how hard it will be when you find someone special who waited and you didn’t? It’s not fun,it’s a kink in a relationship to work through
I understand sex is so normal in today’s society. And losing your virginity by 13 is “normal”. But my pastor used to tell me “Just because everyone is knee deep in the mud doesn’t mean that’s where you’re supposed to be”.
You see sex is like Christmas. If you sneak in and open your presents before the actual day of Christmas, when Christmas comes around any,(if not all) anticipation of the surprise of the gift has left and you already know what you’re getting. There is no excitement or anything to look forward to. Christmas would be so boring if the presents you might’ve received were just sitting there unwrapped and your parents said “there ya go”. Marriage and sex is like Christmas. There is a time and an occasion to enjoy this gift that God has given you. And when you wait for it, the excitement and joy is through the roof.
Sexual purity is important to God, therefore as a follower of Christ it should be important to you. If it isn’t then try praying for Gods heart on the matter. We are human and sometimes it’s natural for us to not care for things we think are so ok in today’s society. For a long time I knew it was wrong but I really did not care or take this matter seriously. That is because I had never faced a moment yet where it would be tested. But I can tell you that the moment came and I was not ready and it is something that to this day (six years later) that I am still healing from, struggling with, and regretting. You must decide and keep deciding every day until the day comes that you will wait for yourself, your spouse, and because you know God has a greater plan than you.
The beautiful thing though is that God is good, all the time. And God’s grace is great and sufficient. It helps us in our weakness and proves his love and power in our lives. Most people that I know would not be able to refrain from having sex with there fiancé’s or boyfriends/girlfriends if it was not for praying and turning to Jesus. IT IS NOT EASY for almost everyone I have met. So don’t feel alone, or feel like you are a complete failure. People know where you are in this, other people struggle too. I struggle still. You can not do this on your own though, if you desire to live out this command…BE IN PRAYER. Pray for yourself and your relationships. His love will give you the strength to make the right choice. When it comes to things like this we have to remember we are human, we are prone to do the wrong thing, want the wrong thing. It’s an extremely dangerous spot to be in when you think you can do it on your own. It’s spending time with Jesus that gives us the wisdom and strength to rise above the things that we want but will hurt us. It is hard, it is difficult, it is upstream, but the reward is rich, it is good, and the reward is over the top.
If you have not exactly lived up to this command, don’t be discouraged, there is hope and grace to cover multitudes of sins. Jesus died for you, and He died so that in times of weakness you CAN ask for forgiveness and help from Him. My advice is that you would stop where you are and just pray and be with Jesus. You don’t have to clean yourself up, or get anything together. It’s beautiful and absolutely mind blowing that Jesus will take us as we are. You do not have to be afraid to be married. You do not have to be afraid of relationships with people. You do not have to hide from Jesus. I am sorry if you haven’t felt loved or respected before, or if your purity was taken from you. I am so incredibly sorry and my heart agonizes for you. Jesus see’s you, and He see’s you as pure and whole. He already loves you in spite of everything. Now LET Him love you. Jesus is a lover, healer, savior, and best friend to people. He is a gentleman, Just give him the permission to invade your life and he will swallow you in love and grace.
Sex outside of marriage is a destructive path, and I am not writing this out of a religious heart or spirit. I am writing this because I care, I care about teenagers and adults not making the same mistakes I did. I care because God cares. I care because I want you to understand what I didn’t at a young age. I care because you are worth waiting for and so is marriage. God desires for his children to live FULL lives, He desires for you to be able to indulge and enjoy in the blessings and gifts He has for you. Marriage is a beautiful thing and sex is an even more beautiful awesome enjoyable thing that married couples have every right to enjoy. This is a gift, and God commands and ask us to wait until “the day” to open it, so that we can enjoy it in ALL of its goodness.
So I pray that you will receive God’s wisdom on this subject. I pray that you would receive the strength you need from Him to live a life upstream. I pray that in reading this you would see another glimpse of the love and prosperous plans He has for His children.