I personally believe that it is almost impossible to get free from your sexual addictions without strong accountability.
Almost as soon as God made man, he declared that it wasn’t good for him to be alone, and I believe that truth is critical to us today. In my own life I know that when left to my own strength I often fall and have trouble getting back up again on my own. Which is why I know it is Gods design that I have an earthly brother to pick me up.
Proverbs says that “as iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.”
I have lived in intense accountability ever since I started the journey to overcome my own sexual addiction. Currently, I send 3 text messages a day to one person letting him know how I am doing. To some, 3 times a day may seem like a lot, but I know my patterns, weaknesses, and triggers, and have adopted a method that I feel keeps me on track. And when I do start to go off track, I am not able to stay there very long since the texts are spaced out within certain hours.
There aren’t any surefire rules for accountability, but I do have some advice for anyone seeking (or currently living in) accountability.
– Find someone you trust.
It’s much easier to bare your deepest secrets to someone you know isn’t going to run out and tell your mother, your friends, the mailman or the waitress taking your order.
– Find someone who isn’t currently struggling with the same issue as deeply as you are.
If you are looking at porn and masturbating once a day, finding someone who is also looking at porn and masturbating twice a day will not help you in the long run. I’m not saying they need to be perfect, but you can’t ask someone to help you win this war if they haven’t won a few battles themselves.
– Find someone who is spiritually mature.
People who have a strong spiritual perspective on life and a mature relationship with God will be better equipped to speak into your life and give you the support you need.
– Find someone you respect.
If you don’t respect your accountability partner, their opinions/perspective won’t make any difference to you when it matters most. I hate having to confess stuff to people I care about and respect and therefore, I am less likely to do things that I will eventually have to confess to them.
Sometimes I hate accountability. I know those feelings are just coming from my flesh that wants to resist any kind of change (death). Deep down, I am passionate about changing my life and seeing others change theirs, and I know for a fact that it is so much easier when you have someone looking out for you. If you don’t have someone that you are meeting with on a regular basis and going over your issues – take the step and go find someone.
I once heard someone say that “when you are in a pit, you can’t get out unless someone pulls you out.”
I’m sick of seeing so many people, myself included, missing out on life because they are stuck in the pit. Lets grab on to someone and start the climb out. It’s worth it, trust me.