“For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.” Hebrews 8:12

“As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. “ Psalm 103:12

The other day my friend was talking about the idea of God forgiving and forgetting our sins. This is something I have heard so many times yet this is the first time it really struck me. I have been wrestling with what defines me, as it is so easy to let my porn addiction define me. Especially as a woman porn addict, I feel like the addiction is that much more serious and defining because it seems to be so rare (which is such a lie in itself!).  That brings up a whole other issue in itself, creating a picture in my mind that my porn addiction is so huge and such a bigger problem than anyone else’s. How can I have pride with the sin I struggle with? That is just twisted!

It is so easy to look over who God has created me to be and to allow my sin and mistakes define who I am. I think this is one of Satan’s greatest tricks. He wants us to believe that we cannot measure up and that we always will have our sin be a part of us. This is true, we are sinful but God doesn’t define us by our mistakes.

I started thinking about how it is so hard for us to forgive ourselves and let it be. We often bring up our sin over and over again in our prayers and conversations. We cannot let it go and we so easily assume that God sees us as addicts as well.  But if the above verses are true, God truly forgets our sin once we ask for forgiveness. If this is the case, He cannot see us as addicts or someone who struggles with the same sin over and over. It is so easy to get caught in that trap of feeling guilty for struggling with the same sin and letting it become a part of who you are. God sees us as His children though and He doesn’t dwell on the sin, so why should we?

Over the last few weeks I have been spending some time praying and reflecting on who I am, aside from my addiction. It has not been easy as for the last two years I have only seen myself as a dirty addict and sinner. It is hard for me to see the good things when I have this ugly thing standing in the way.  Even though this process has been hard, it has been so freeing. The more and more I get away from defining myself as an addict and allowing other people’s opinions define me, the more free I am to be me and I am okay with that. I know that God loves me because I am His child and I am His beautiful creation.

I have recently been listening to this song that uses the phrase, ‘If God is for us, who can be against us?” How true this is! God is our biggest cheerleader and no matter how many times we slip or fall back into our addiction, God is still for us and still loves us. In no way does this excuse our behavior or choices or does it gives us the freedom to keep on sinning. But it does give us the freedom to be loved, be ourselves and keep on moving forward.

Adelaide Brown