I recently went mountain biking with my boyfriend, this is the first time I have mountain biked in probably twenty years. Needless to say, it was very difficult and I pushed myself too hard at the beginning, which caused me to almost pass out. I felt bad for slowing us down but my boyfriend was so gracious and encouraging to me as we waited for me to regain energy.
As I lay there looking at the trees, I started thinking that this is just like my own journey with pornography. At the beginning of my journey toward healing and getting out of the addiction, I expected to change overnight and I pushed myself too hard, thinking that I could do it, especially on my own. With this attitude, I quickly failed and then I felt bad and the cycle began again and again. It wasn’t until I realized that this is a lifelong journey that I began to slow down, take it one day (even one moment) at a time. Just like on the bike ride, I learned that I had to take my time and warm up before pushing hard.
I saw Jesus in my boyfriend as he kept say, “its okay, we will get there. Let’s just take our time if that is what we need.” He was right there with me, making sure I had enough shade and water to help me regain my energy. He was my biggest fan and never once was condescending and I know that is how Jesus is and always has been with me on this journey. He has never given up or told me how stupid I was for falling; He always believed in me.
Once I was able to hop back on my bike, I was surprised at how much I accomplished. Without pushing myself too hard, we rode another four miles and the more we biked, the less hard it was for me because my body was getting used to the pedaling, etc. I thought again, this is just like my journey through addiction. The further I was away from the porn and the more I practiced being away from it, the less I missed it and the more accustomed I got to being without it. This was not an overnight process, the journey still continues as there are still times that I am tempted but I now have come so far that going back just doesn’t seem worth it.
With all that said, I encourage you to press on, especially if you are just at the beginning of your journey toward healing. It is going to be hard at the beginning and you are going to feel like you are going to pass out but you have to keep your eyes on your biggest cheerleader, Jesus and the fact that He knows the path for your journey and will lead you the whole way. He wants you to take it one day at a time and not set you up for failure. He knows the length of the journey and where you are to go, so rest in Him and don’t push yourself too hard. Yes, it would be great if this healing could happen overnight but then you would miss out on what there is to learn and drawing closer to Jesus which is what life is all about.
So, hang on, don’t give up! You will get through this; you first have to believe in yourself, believe that this is a journey and that Jesus is right there with you. You can do it!
Hebrews 12:1-2
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3 Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”
Adelaide Brown