God bless you, Great men of God.

Welcome…in this room I believe you can find life and I know you can find love.  No matter where you have been I want you to know that I sincerely believe you can find your way back.  As we go on this walk together I will share with you scripture and tools which have changed me from the angry, raging, swearing, mean addict of my past, to the man I am now.

 I received a note a few weeks ago about a transaction in my business which did not go very well.  The other person in the transaction sent me a note which said “Steve, I just wanted to thank you for remaining so calm the other day during a most difficult error our company had made.  I so appreciated your kindness as we worked through the problem; it made it easier on all of us”

24 months earlier, that would have been very different.  Everyone knew that Steve had a very explosive temper and a tongue just as sharp.  It is how I always got my way; it is how I thought business got done.  It was also how I raged at my own children and my wife so they knew I was the ruler of the kingdom.  It is also that same anger which kept them at bay while dad acquired an affair partner.  The blue elephant was in the room and living large.  In the end, it would almost kill me.

At the end of Porn Boulevard for me, I agreed to go to a place called the Meadows, where I checked in for 5 weeks and met a counselor named Victoria and great friends like Eric and Clark.  In those 5 weeks I would face the damage my actions had done to my wife and kids.  There is something very powerful when you are sitting face to face with your daughter and she says “Dad, I don’t even know who you are anymore and I don’t know if I want you in my life”.  When you sit in a room surrounded by other patients and some of their family members and you hear those words from your 16 year old daughter…with tears running down her face…it was brutal, but I had to go through that fire.  But the Meadows gave me the strength and the tools to change my life and that is what I did!

Today I am a member of a great fraternity in this world.  It is a fraternity of those whose present successes have been built upon the wreckage of past failure.  People who belong to this fraternity, which exists without a formal organization, have a common bond of experience…They help one another.  They help others who come to them in trouble, seeking the strength and guidance which comes only with experience.  This fraternity is made up of people who have known the locked doors of mental institutions.  Among them are those to whom the seamy side of life is no strange garment.  The language of the clinical institution, the jail, the penitentiary, are well known to members of this fraternity.  Among them are some of our most respected citizens. 

As a group, members of this fraternity are perhaps the most sane individuals in our society today.  They know how to give.  They know how to love their fellow man.  They understand their own weaknesses and are tolerant of weakness in others.  They are at home in the heaven of their newly-found serenity because they once learned in all honesty to face the inner hell of their own confusion….(Search for Serenity by Lewis Presnall)

From here my friends, this is where I want to start…being real and helping each other.  I will do my best and then I will let God do the rest; He loves you ya know!  I remember what it was like for all those years when I thought “If you really knew me, you would not like me”.  I truly understand that feeling of loneliness…but not here…not ever…Jesus came to this earth to show compassion….this is what you will find here from me.

God bless you, Great men of God.

Steve

Christopher Wu wrote on April 16th 08 at 04:09PM

Hey Steve,

Thank you so much for your vulnerability and willingness to share your "stuff" so openly and honestly on a platform like the internet, where secrecy and darkness can often reign. Light is who and what Christ is and I believe that's what comes through in your testimony to us.

I am also a fellow sojourner, very much still in the early stages of recovery from porn addiction, though I praise God He has done nothing short of MIRACLES to bring me to the place of sobriety that I am currently in. Were it not for the grace of God, loving me EVEN THERE in my worst places, I would not have a hope today.

"If you really knew me, you would not like me," has been what I've believed for most of my life, which is why my porn addiction has remained secret and out of the light for so long. I praise God for the help He is giving me through great friends and relationships in my life, giving me all the support and love I need to leave the former lovers I once had.

You're an inspiration to all, Steve. Thank you

Chris

Pete wrote on April 17th 08 at 08:29AM

Thanks for your story, i'm been trying to sort myself out for 3 years now and still at times screw up.
i'm not sure what the future looks like for me so your prayers would be great and i will pray for you also.

Pete

Barak wrote on April 17th 08 at 03:32PM

I have an urgency to speak out so I'm using this format to do so. I feel bad about using porn, but I can't figure out what to do with it. It's hard having these needs unfulfilled. its hard being alone. I feel an urgency in this (quit porn) but
I can't tell if its stupid holy morals or true calling from god (or my true self). I've spoken to people I think highly of and they comfort me with the knowledge that even though its not the cleanest thing, its sure not the worst. I try to keep it in mind, but the horrible beast of guilt is haunting me, hungry for a meal, and I'll do just fine. My friends, Please what ever you do, how ever bad you feel you've sinned, please have mercy on yourself. We are not to blame its cold and dark.

leandro ramirez wrote on April 18th 08 at 01:15AM

Good Evening Sir, (at this moment it is evening)
I am a single father of three; two marriages three children. I have strugled with porn addiction since I was very young. Incest between cousins and sisters were a big part of growing up. I hate who I am. I have been trying to follow the Lord for 6 years and 8 months. A year and a half ago pornography and alchohol resurfaced in my life. Alchohol and other drugs almost killed me, (hep c). The Lord has been good enough to allow me to repent. Many times I should have died, (o.d. among other things). I have joined with Samson Society, I get news letters from Pure Life Ministries and XXX Church. The problem is that as a single father I don't have alot of idle time. The moments of my weakness come suddenly and without warning. Usually I am neck deep in sin by the time I can think about it. I cannot go to a retreat because I lack the money, and as a single father who will support my children while I am gone? I have prayed and prayed, if it were not for my children I would have already pierced my skull. What ever help you can offer will definately be welcome, most of all prayers, thank you.

Russell wrote on April 18th 08 at 08:37AM

Steve,

I have been battling with porn since I was twelve years old. While God has given me more strength over the years, I cannot seem to shake off this demon of lust,temptation, and guilt. I am about to turn 23 and I am a respected leader in my church's youth group. I feel as if deep inside is a monster that is begging to rip from my chest and consume my life and I try everything in my power to suppress it. Steve, I need help, encouragement, strength, purity. I long so much to have God cleanse my soul and make me feel whole once again. prayers and advice would be more than amazing. Thank you for your willingness to show weakness; it is a true man that can drop his pride and pick up his cross. thanks again for this wonderful ministry and i look forward to the future. Rescue is coming, his name is Jesus.

Barry wrote on April 19th 08 at 06:49PM

thanks Steve, I have been struggling with porn since I was about 1 yrs. old when I discovred my dads stash, ("sins of the father")
It has taken me to some pretty weid and seedy places , especially on the internet. The raunchier and kinky the better and I am for the most part into Tv's/Ts's and its not a good thing. I have been fighting it for years and constantly "Purging" only to buy more clothing or toys or porn site memberships. I am losing thousands of dollars that could help me and others.. My one Hope is Jesus Christ he alwys gives me another chance to rise above. Like the song says it's his Stubborn love that never lets go of me. God Bless you and all you guys struggling out there. I love you all!! and my prayers are with you

Dave wrote on April 21st 08 at 06:27AM

As a man who has struggled with porn on and off cince I was 13 I am so glad for people who admit to the same struggle.

There is no point in being in denial about this. Pornography has become easier to access with the internet so we have to keep watch and keep acountable.

Having said that I have been getting onvolved with cam sites and I have gone from the free chat to the private. I found it so easy and did not think about what I was doing. There are beautiful women on these sites and they want you. But it is all a fantasy. I know I will never meet those women. I am dishonouring God with what I am doing and it grieves him because sin grieves him. I am also being a bad steward of what God has given me which is also another issue I have to seek forgiveness for.

Thanks for reading.
God bless you all as we work through these issues.

Dave

asaph wrote on April 21st 08 at 07:44AM

God bless your ministry.

Let us fight against that roaring lion.
We must not feaqr anything but God!

"Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed, for the LORD thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest."


greeting form Germany
Andreas

Barak wrote on April 23rd 08 at 01:08PM

Greetings,
Since last I wrote I'm off the wagon. It actually feels great. No mind games to try and pin point the reason for the remorse. Each time the temptation arises I remind my self of the letter I wrote last time and how bad I felt when I wrote it. So now I'm writing for future remembrance of how clean I feel now, without the... Its really amazing how forgetful we get

WJ wrote on April 23rd 08 at 03:01PM

After a long lapse, I have trashed all the porn I was keeping on my computer. Having been addicted to this sexual sin since I was a teen, real change is coming slowly to me. I thought IRL love would cure me, so I got engaged. I realized that was a mistake, so I broke the engagement. I then that leaving the UMC, joining the UCC, coming out, and finding a boyfriend would cure me. It hasn't. I need real healing. I am seeing a LGBTQ friendly Christian psychologist that specializes in sex issues among other things. She told me I am a porn addict. I am therefore going to go back to SAA or SA. I have been porn free for two days now. Pray for me, everyone.

Was not sure weather to post this in 'men' or 'pastors' as I am a seminarian- I have been a minister before but have no church atm. I posted in both places.

Ali wrote on April 23rd 08 at 03:59PM

This is a really good idea to have stories posted here as it's encouraging to read them all. This is a great website and another one I found is safefamilies.org as they have a pretty good presentation located at http://www.safefamilies.org/webcasts/recovery/Presentation_Files/index.html

One thing that I wanted to mention is cause it really bothers me is that the general population believes porn is now cool where as it used to be only for perverts but that's not true. The truth is that the perversion is moving mainstream; just because more people are doing it, doesn't make it right.

Yours in Christ wrote on April 24th 08 at 02:21AM

To everyone out there,

Now I am by no means perfect, but God has given me insite and revelation through prayer time and through pastors in my life about a couple different things that I think will really help.

First, the guilt that you might feel for the things you have done could be one of three things. It could be conviction from the Holy Spirit, or it could be condemnation from the enemy, or it could be a combitnation of the two. In any case it would be best to pray for forgiveness and repent of your sins.

To repent is to turn 180* from your sin and never turn back. After doing so, if there is still that guilt there it is more than likely condemnation from the enemy and you just have to put it behind you and move on. Allow the Holy Spirit to convict you in the future when the temptation rises up, that you may stop befor it is too late.

Second, I would say the best way to fight the devil in this area and in any area would be to FAST AND PRAY!!! The best way to stop the enemy in his tracks is to fast and pray against him and to fast and pray for your deliverance.

If you do not know much about fasting you might try to pick up a book called "Fasting" by Jentezen Franklin. He goes over many different things about fasting, like the different types, the connection between fasting and prayer, and what to expect from a fast.

I personally know someone who was and is in ministry that broke pornography completely off of his life through a fast. They are so powerful as well as pleasing to God.

I sincerely pray that this will help as many as read it to get the freedom and deliverance in their life that they so desperatley desire to have.

Sincerely,
Yours in Christ

ryan wrote on April 24th 08 at 10:39PM

I have a problem looking at porn. I have a beautiful girlfriend who wants to marry me and i would want nothing more. I hate looking at porn because of the shame and guilt i have when i look at her!! I want to be free!!! I love the LORD but still struggle immensely. WHat can i do?

Steve wrote on April 25th 08 at 11:36AM

Sin in my life hides in darkness and will continue to feed on me, until brought to light. So I repent right now, I am a sinner I am addicted to pornography, I have been adulterous and cheated on my wife, as I child I was involved in incest, I sexually wronged people and have many impure thoughts daily. Jesus you are my saviour and as these people as my witness I submit myself to You, I turn my back to this sin and pray for Your Love to fill this void in my life. Renew Your strength in me Lord and build a foundation of love and patience for me to seek after You and turn away from sin.

Steve g wrote on April 26th 08 at 11:30PM

@Steve...Welcome brother! What an awesome example you are to others in confessing your sin here.

James 5:16
Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.

Thanks for being open and honest. Just 24 hours at a time, brother, one day...Give us this day...

Steve g

Steve g wrote on April 26th 08 at 11:58PM

@Ryan…I know that struggle, I always thought "If only I had ______ then I would not...." but nothing seemed to satisfy, it is like any drug, the more I had the more I wanted until it came within moments of destroying my life. Then 6 months in to a divorce from my best friend in the world, God answered my prayers and reconciled my marriage...I serve a God of miracles!

What to do? First, commit to pray every morning and every night…spend time with God, quality time. 2nd, get X3 watch on your computer(s), no excuses because there is no real excuse. Then get in to a group at your church, not just any bible study; find an accountability group which deals with addiction, maybe a Celebrate Recovery group at http://www.celebraterecovery.com/?page_id=7, or an SA group at www.sa.org, but you have to find a group and commit to go every week, I found meetings 7 days a week and I attended them because in the beginning 24 hours was a huge accomplishment and I needed the support.

You can do it and it sounds like you have a wonderful woman in your life that deserves your best…

Steve g wrote on April 27th 08 at 12:08AM

@Yours in Christ…Hey thanks for bringing up Fasting! I also have found this a powerful tool in the arsenal against addiction!

Many people think you have to live on water for a month to fast. Quit two or three things you really like for 40 days, for me that was coffee (Starbucks!), chocolate and TV! I found I thought of these things all the time, all day long. What I did was replace the thought of what I was missing with thoughts about all God was doing in my life. I would pray and give thanks to Him many more times everyday…it was and is an incredible feeling and it will change your life.

Thanks Great man of God!!!!!

Steve G