Ex-Porn Star Kimberly

Last week Jeanette and I had the great privilege to spend sometime with Kimberly formerly known as Houston. She lives in Vegas and I happened to be speaking at the church that she has been attending and we caught up shortly after that. Jeanette and I were both blown away by her story and want to share some of it with you all and give you a chance to respond.  We don't  have all the exact needs in front of us quite yet but we want to do something for her. I asked her to write out some of her story for me and here is what she gave me today.

          My story, upbringing and the problems I experienced are far too common.  A family history of alcoholism and abuse and a personal history of alcoholism and drug abuse rarely lead to good things.  You can walk into any strip club or porn set in the world and will find that 99% of the women have the same back story.  Through hard work, bad luck and a lot of pain I was able to take porn to a whole new level.  I achieved national and international success and experienced people, places and things most people only dream of. 

    Unfortunately, those incredible highs have also been offset by horrible lows, from medical drama to addiction, divorce, kids teasing my child and now cancer. 

    The world of porn is one that thrives on numbness typically created by drugs and alcohol.  The more numb you are, the more you are willing to do.  The more drunk and high you are, the crazier things you do and the more you get paid. It's a vicious cycle.  Case in point, I had sex with 620 guys in a single day.  The event was a successful publicity stunt that won me an award for best selling video of all time.  That, along with the other movies and crazy stuff I did catapulted me to the top of the adult world. I was so deep into porn that I just took the ball and ran with it, doing more and more outrageous things. 

    I was a single parent living in LA, supporting my daughter by doing bachelor parties, bikini contests and mud wrestling. At the same time I was also getting into mainstream acting, but not making it big fast enough.  I was introduced to a porn agent and asked if I'd like to be in a porn video, they paid very well and I thought I had nothing to lose.  That week the producer called me and asked me if I would like to be an exclusive contract girl for their company. They would pay me $10,000 a month for several films.  I was so broke and struggling that there was no question in my mind. I didn't think of anything but the fame and money, not God, disease, my family or anything. 

    By 2002, I was still living in LA.   I had bought a home in the San Fernando Valley, I was a featured stripper for 32 weeks a year all over the world. I was surviving on methamphetamines to keep going and was a complete mess. I was still doing porn and basically killing myself.  I had a nanny for my daughter who would take care of us both, I don't know how she did it.  She said she prayed for me all of the time.

      By now ten years had gone by and I had become one of the biggest porn stars in the history of the adult industry. I was an empty shell full of hate and sadness and I felt totally alone.  I contemplated suicide often and all the money in the world couldn't make me feel happy or whole.  By that time in my life I had by then been brought to my knees on several occasions, praying to God to not let me die this time.  My heart would beat so fast that I know a couple times God stepped in and saved me.

     I had enough and I knew couldn't die and leave my daughter.  I decided to sell the house and move as far away as I could afford from my druggie friends and porn.  I retired after 10 years, having been inducted into the porn hall of fame.  I thought "my daughter and I can move to Vegas and start a new life," and that's what we did.  I couldn't handle the fans and the people all over; I knew I would eventually overdose if I stayed in LA. 

    Later, I got my real estate license and was working for a home builder.  I had been working for them for a couple of years, trying not to wear a lot of makeup, dying my hair brown and even gaining some weight as to not get recognized. In April 2008, I was fired on the spot. Someone in the corporate office recognized me.  I was devastated, I worked so hard and was a great sales person. They said they just couldn't have me on the front lines, even if that career was in the past. 

    That same month, I was diagnosed with stage III Melanoma Cancer.  I was in complete shock, I never had a growth removed or any kind of skin issues.  It was in my lymphatic system.  In July, I had extensive surgery to remove several lymph nodes in both my right and left arm.  I recovered for a month and then in August I was put on a drug [a form of chemo] for an entire month, intravenously, everyday.  I now give myself injections at home three times a week for the remaining 11 months.  It's a year of treatment and the percentages of survival are not good... but my attitude is.     Everyday I put on my armor when I get up.  I will beat this demon, I have beat worse. I know that I am special and God is going to use me to help others. God has something for me that I can't even imagine. 

    My story is one of hope, that people can change, that women and men in porn have a choice and they don't have to be violated or exploit themselves in order to feel accepted and loved.  There are people to help and love them unconditionally, to show them God is love.  I am growing in God everyday and will continue to learn and grow in the church.  I cannot change the past, but the past does not make my future. Everyone needs to know God is a loving God and He will love you. 

    I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior and vowed to never be a part of the world that I had lived in before.  I have asked for forgiveness and know that I am worthy.  My daughter has been attending a new church for 7 months and I started going about 4 months ago.  It's a wonderful church and we love it.  I found out about XXXChurch there and wanted to get involved from the minute I found out about what they were doing.  I want to help these girls see that they don't have to go that route...and if I can do it, so can they.

Almost everyone I know that has left the industry walks away with nothing. If you have heard Donny talk about this he says, you never plan for a rainy day in porn so you don't save and plan on this money going away. Kimberly's story is no different. She is trying to live a simple life and the bills are piling up because of the cancer and her loss of job. The money from porn is gone if you have not figured that out.

Most of you know we developed The Esther Fund to be able to help people like Kimberly. You can get more information on the Esther Fund here. We want to help meet some immediate needs and bills for Kimberly. We also want to help her get on her feet financially. We have accountability in place and do not just throw money out at people. We take this very seriously and both Jeanette and I can sense the sincerity in Kimberly. She mentioned to us that she would do whatever we needed to help spread the message of XXXchurch and help others. Before we think about having her help others we want to help her.

She has been on Howard Stern over 50 times and went on Stern earlier this year and talked about her fight with cancer. Stern helped her raise some money for medical bills but that money is now gone.  Why let Howard Stern do, what the church should be doing. Please consider donating to the Esther Fund to help Kimberly.

DONATE ONLINE BY CLICKING HERE.

(Write Esther Fund in comments section)

We will keep you all up to date on this situation. We hope to introduce Kimberly to you real soon on-line with some videos or blogs or both. Keep checking back.

Thanks for reading this and please Keep Kimberly in your prayers. Pray for complete healing!

Craig Gross

Ian wrote on November 3rd 08 at 03:19AM

God is good and his love endures forever.
Amen

Ian wrote on November 3rd 08 at 03:19AM

God is good and his love endures forever.
Amen

Jared wrote on November 3rd 08 at 10:51AM

Many thanks to Kimberly for sharing your story. I'm in tears from both sorrow and hope. May God use your story and your life to help others in a powerful way. My faith is increased and strengthened because of you.

My prayer for you is that you will experience God's mercy, love and healing even so much more in the coming days than you ever have before.

As the Lord spoke to Joshua, "Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go." (Joshua 1:9)

SamMcKay wrote on November 3rd 08 at 04:12PM

Wow

Brother Jim wrote on November 3rd 08 at 04:46PM

Kimberly, your story will impact many for years to come. You leave a legacy of redemption girlfriend! Now it's off to the Esther Fund to help you get through this tough season.

Anonymous wrote on November 3rd 08 at 06:26PM

I used to live in Vegas and I know girls that were dancers, escorts, prostitutes, and a few turned porn stars. It is so hard to leave the buisness and that life. Even if you leave the buisness, it takes alot of work and purposeful effort to leave the life and the bad habits behind you. Most people can't begin to comprehend what a woman goes through in that industry. And it is really hard adjusting to "normal" life. My heart goes out to you and I will pray for you, but like you, I recently got out of the industry after 10 years in. I wish you the best of luck.

Daryn wrote on November 3rd 08 at 06:49PM

wow. what a story. i will keep her in my prayers.

erwien wrote on November 3rd 08 at 09:20PM

Thangs GOD for this........

Kai Chinn wrote on November 3rd 08 at 09:24PM

Kimberly,

The Lord is good, ain't He! :D
Yea, i know you've had a hard life and like so many others out there, and the thing (Like you) that i've found, is that God loves us, right were we are and that He want's the best for us, it's hard when the life we live only brings us pain and misery no matter who we are.

My heart aches for you and your little one and will be praying for you.

The one verse that comes to mind for you is the one i have to cling to every day myself:

"Therefore, there is "NOW" no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death" Romans 8:1-2

I love you in Christ sis and know, there are those uf us (in yo new family) that are here for you, praying for you and loving you in a non sexual way, but a pure love that comes from the almighty God who creats gold out of ashes and that is what we are!

Ah yes, How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him! 1 John 3:1

Much love from lynnwood,WA

Kai Chinn
BHGM Productions

Kai Chinn wrote on November 3rd 08 at 09:38PM

Another verse:

This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers Romans 8:16
Ok, i love romans, lol!

Kai (Again)

Eddie Marquez wrote on November 4th 08 at 10:42AM

Kimberly,

Know that the greatest comfort is that God is with you. God will sustain you and keep you. He will give you the strength and the provision for the purpose and calling set before. Nothing is in vain and your testimony will set many free. Be encouraged and stand firm.

Eddie Marquez,
Orange County, CA

Beth wrote on November 4th 08 at 11:03AM

Kimberly,

God bless you for sharing your story. I have a past similar to yours, with drugs and sex, which I turned to because of sexual abuse. I did not get into porn, but I have always had a heart for women who have, because I understand why.

I pray in the name of the Lord Jesus that you will heal from this cancer and be blessed with the means to care for yourself and your daughter. I will be praying for you and your daughter. You will be on my heart. I look forward to the next update.

May the One True God who has saved you and me, from the depths, bless you and your daughter.

Beth

Dälom wrote on November 4th 08 at 11:15AM

there is NO limit to what the grace of God can do. My prayer is that just as He delivered you out of this torment of a lifestyle, even so He will deliver you from this torment of an illness. You Are His!!
~in our prayers,
Dälom

Joshua wrote on November 4th 08 at 12:19PM

Kimberly,

I met you a long time ago and only knew you as Houston. It is refreshing to now know you as Kimberly and a new sister in Christ.

I was addicted to pornography, and have been fighting it off for years. I bottomed out, lost my wife, job, and home.

God restored my life. The struggles are still there. I just wanted to encourage you and let you know that God was always there in the dark times rooting for you.

Thank you for becoming a messenger to your former business. Those girls need your help.

I pray for your healing from cancer and your daughters' emotional healing. Keep fighting the fight.

Hindsight always shows you where the enemy tries to get you.

Sincerely,

Joshua

annidez wrote on November 4th 08 at 01:21PM

God bless Kimberly. She's an inspiration and I'm sorry that her determination and faith haven't given her just a bit more ease - the fear of leaving her daughter behind has to be a crushing experience. Losing her real estate job so suddenly and cruelly makes me angry - she was obviously recognized by a porn fan. Staggering hypocrisy. I'll be praying for her and am filled with faith that she'll beat this. God loves her and I trust him to watch out for her.

Shawn Wilson wrote on November 4th 08 at 02:50PM

No matter the outcome of you struggle with cancer, you have WON!!! Your victory is sure in Christ!! No only that but your testimony will reach others. NEVER FORGET THAT!! May our Father's love surround you and His peace comfort you.

Much love,
Shawn

Sam wrote on November 5th 08 at 02:54AM

Kimberley,

Thank you so much for your honesty - it is a wonderful story of God's grace and mercy!

My prayer is for full healing and opportunity for you to enable others in the industry to meet with Christ.

When we're both in heaven I'll catch up with you and we can celebrate together!

God bless you, and your daughter.

Sam

Ian wrote on November 5th 08 at 03:10AM

Could someone please delete my double comment (and this one)

Andre wrote on November 5th 08 at 06:04AM

I'm on my knees for you right now Kimberley. I also pray GOD will use you mightely. I'll be standing in the gap for you and your daughter.

Blessings,
Andre'

james wrote on November 5th 08 at 10:31AM

Way to go kido. Your story breaks my heart. God is good.

John wrote on November 5th 08 at 10:37AM

Kimberly,

Thank you for sharing your story. May God grant you more good days than bad as you go forward. I will be praying for you.

John
Pastor Columbus OH

Courtney wrote on November 5th 08 at 12:05PM

We are praying for you. The Lord has truly made you a new creation! May He bless you as you seek to reach others with His gospel message of hope and restoration!

J. wrote on November 5th 08 at 04:37PM

Kimberly ~ how moved I am to instantly recognize that your past is someone from my past. In my early teen years I had heard you on Stern. I had objectified women through porn and when Jesus came into my life I quickly realized that all porn stars are someone's daughter, someone's mother, and a child of God... they had a story too! God bless you and the ministry path Christ has set you on despite your own personal challenge!

James wrote on November 5th 08 at 05:49PM

wow, i dont even know what to say. my heart is breaking to hear about all you went through but iam also rejoicing that you've found the light. Keep fighting the good fight

nightbird2k08 wrote on November 5th 08 at 10:29PM

Kimberly-

I love you purely with all my heart as a sister in the Lord. Though my struggles have not been the same as yours, what I have learned is that The God Who Provides is never early, but always, always, always on time. Please rest in His grace and mercy, and know that all of us are here for you.

In His love,

nightbird2k08

miguel wrote on November 6th 08 at 12:23AM

wow what a story...I will definitely be doing the Esther fund and praying for kimberly..God bless u kimberly, our prayers are with u!

Posted from my iPhone

Barry Mason wrote on November 6th 08 at 05:24AM

Kimberley, it is so encouraging to hear your story. Although there is much physical pain, I was really excited to hear of the way you have walked away from the life you were caught up in.
I belive God has amazing plans for you to connect with others who need His loving arms, but most of all He loves you just as you are.
I pray you are able to take strength from Him and those He's put in your life to supprt you.
God Bless sister,
Barry

Jesse Prud'Homme wrote on November 6th 08 at 11:32AM

Amazing.

don wrote on November 6th 08 at 03:13PM

Kimberly why is there still plenty of porn stuff around on the internet featuring you?

Carmen wrote on November 6th 08 at 05:50PM

To Kimberly,
I just want to say what a brave and courage women you are!! God truly has something awesome in store for you! God is good and faithfull, He will restore 100 fold back to you including your health. Women like yourself need to come out boldly and declare the truth!! My husband was involved with porn and believe me I need to keep him up in prayers b/c it is not easy for men. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not in your own understanding but in all your ways acknowledge Him. T his too shall pass. I will be praying for you and your new ministry!! Blessings and much healing for you!! love,
Carmen
Columbus, OH

craig gross wrote on November 6th 08 at 06:13PM

Hey Don!

Most porn stars dont own all their own content. In a ten year career Houston did work for plenty of different people and companies. Some of those things ( a lot ) made it to the internet and will never come down. Jenna Jameson has not shot a porn in over 3 years I believe but yet the internet is loaded with pics and new content. One of the fear of many gals coming out of the industry is that these pics will never come down, but that does not mean that you need to remain in it. My friend Crissy had the same problem with her pics and even her own sites with her name that she does not own.

Kimberly has not shot porn in over 5 years plus. So, just cause it is on the internet under new content dont believe it.....porn is a lie.

Craig

Jeremy wrote on November 6th 08 at 08:23PM

Kimberly,
Back while I was in the middle of full-blown active alcoholism, I would see you on "Howard Stern" at night. I was delivered from drugs and alcohol almost three years ago, but porn seemed to take its place. The Holy Spirit has helped me to quit that as well.
And now, when I see your face on XXX.Church, I cannot describe the joy I feel. Stay strong, my sister in Christ. I am praying the best of everything floods your life. I am praising God that you're safe, and well. You are a miracle! Stay strong! Thank you for inspiring me and giving me hope!

Sister-in-Christ wrote on November 6th 08 at 08:40PM

Kimberley,
I will pray for your healing, physically and emotionally. And for your dear daughter. My husband is a sex addict, in recovery for about two and a half years. God is awesome and can do miracles and that is happening in our family now which I am so thankful for. I am also so glad that God has brought you out of that past life of such pain. I will be praying that He will use you in a mighty way to raise awareness of the horrors of porn and what it does to all involved. I would love to see all forms of porn gone from this country and some serious laws put in place. God can do anything. He is so Mighty. I hope this note encourages you in some way. When you are down, know that God is on your side and you are His beloved child.
In Christ

Daniel wrote on November 6th 08 at 10:51PM

My gosh. Houston. God bless you, woman. If someone like you who climbed the ladder as high as you had done in porn can get out of it and choose Jesus Christ as your savior, then this is proof that God really is an answer to ANYONE with problems/challenges/pitfalls/in need of guidance/etc. I still struggle letting go of watching porn. It's a completely empty experience, providing only a very false illusion of temporary "fulfillment"--really, just a distraction. I want a family someday. I can't possibly be ready to raise one if I'm still a slave to this. The fact that you've left porn after being in it so completely makes my struggle so minuscule in comparison. You've inspired me Kimberly. Thank you so much. God bless you. You're in my prayers. I hope with God's help you defeat this cancer and live in full health to tell about it. Even if it gets you though, you have a much greater treasure in Christ awaiting you.

Jey wrote on November 6th 08 at 11:08PM

Kimberly,

The Lord has brought you out of the pit you were in for a good reason. His thoughts toward you are for good, to give you hope and purpose.

We will be praying for your healing and ministry!

Annetta wrote on November 6th 08 at 11:35PM

Hi Kimberly,
I know about being a druggie with a daugher. On top of being a druggie my sister and our friends were strippers. It is a hard world to come out of. The only way you can come out of it and survey is through our LORD JESUS CHRIST. I know this first hand. When I would see the hurt in my daughter eyes and know all the people I was hurting. It killed me but the drugs were bigger. I would take my daughter and we would hang out at the club. She saw more then any little one should. I got clean before anyone else in the group. It was hard. I started going to the garden (reading the bible) every morning. It took me more than five years to finish it. But let me tell you it was a jouney of a life time. He tought me soooo many things about myself. And his plan for my life. As time unfolded while being in his word. A new person started to apear. At the being of the adverture I didn't know how to climb out of the gutter. But through time and hisword HE pulled me out of the gutter.
All thing a possiable through Jesus. I know because I have been clean for 20 years now. Both of my daughters love and respeat the person Jesus has made. I have a wonderful husband that loves me and we are waiting for our first grandbaby to be born the month. If someone would of told me how my life would of turned out I wouldn't of believed it.
Now about the cancer. My wonderful husband has bladder cancer and my father in law had throat cancer and now is battling lung cancer. I won't give up. I will be their prayer warrior. Because I serve a might and wonderful God. I know all things are possiable through him.
I will add you to my prayer list. Kept up the good work. Kimberly I want you to know that your Father sits on the throne. He is the King and you are his princess. Just like you would do what is best for your daughter he will do the same. Remember that satan can take our earthly life but he can never take our hope, faith and love we have for Jesus.
Your sister in Christ

tara wrote on November 7th 08 at 01:10AM

Praise the Lord Kimberly that you no longer have to be known as a porn star but rather as a daughter of the King! Hold onto that EVERY day! He has bought you with a price and He calls you BLESSED.

My prayers go out to your and your daughter. May he "supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Jesus Christ" Phil 4:19

Armin wrote on November 7th 08 at 03:45AM

Dear Kimberley, I am German and I just read your story, because I get the X3 newsletter. Presently I am translating (very practical) Christian manuals by Dr. A.L. Gill into German - A.L. teaches via the International School Of Ministry, and has thousands of bible students all over the globe. His manuals are about all aspects of Christian life, but his focus are the gifts of the Holy Spirit. He has one of the most successful healing ministries in the US, firmly rooted in biblical teachings, and with many wonderful, sometimes spectacular healings. I would send you the "Healing" manual, but I don't know how - so I just donated 25 $ to the Esther fund, so that you can download it yourself (in English it costs 20$ I guess) from the Gill homepage: www.gillministries.com - You will not regret this. This moment, the Holy Spirit speaks to my heart about you in the most loving terms. He loves to heal and He will do so for you, in the powerful name of our Lord Jesus. I firmly believe, that the greater the ordeals we face or go through, the greater the reward. With many blessings from Berlin, in His love, Armin Völckers PS I am a movie director (though not XXX) and I am looking forward to you working in the industry again, if that is your wish. The movie industry needs Christians. If you haven't heard about the Act One program, I recommend this to you, too.

Holly Lightner wrote on November 7th 08 at 04:00AM

Wow! You go girl!!! What an awesome story Kimberly. May God continue to bless you and enrich your life as you seek him. Thank you for being a bright light shining hope to people in the adult industry that have such emptiness. Thank you for being an example of the amazing things God can do in us and through us. You and your daughter are in my prayers. :D

GB wrote on November 7th 08 at 06:58AM

A Princess reunited with her King, We need to pray for more of these reunions!
Thank You Jesus

vince wrote on November 7th 08 at 07:22AM

kimberly,

i'm so touched that you shared your story. stories involving trauma and shame aren't easy to tell at all. i'm so glad you included in your testimony how you KNOW you're worthy (emphasis mine). i feel like that's how the devil gets us, he tries o distract us from the fact that through God we are made brand new creatures, and that children f the King have kingdom rights and an inheritance. keep your head up in the days, weeks, and months ahead :o)

Brother Jim wrote on November 7th 08 at 08:15AM

hey all, as a fellow kimberly supporter, allow me to challenge each of you with a task that could prove a bona fide miracle for our sister Kim. The challenge: click on the donate now link and give $1 for every word in your blog post to Kimberly. For example, my post above is a total of 32 words; hence, I've donated $32. The Bearded One we love and follow was a man of words and action... let's follow His example!

Posted from my iPhone

Mike wrote on November 7th 08 at 08:34AM

Kimberly,

Bless you, sister. I was so glad to hear that our Lord has brought you out of the industry. I cringe at the pain you must be going through on all levels. I pray for you that you would experience healing so that you may be able to help testify to the goodness of our God for many years to come. I pray that you would continue to grow in knowledge about and love for our Lord Jesus, that you and your daughter would draw close to one another, that you would experience love and acceptance from those closest to you that mirrors the love and acceptance we have on the basis of the death and resurrection of Christ.

Thank you many times over for sharing. Your words will bring healing and joy to all who read them.

With all love,

Mike

Drew Anderson wrote on November 7th 08 at 09:21AM

Kimberly,

You have an amazing story of God's love and grace! You are an inspiration to so many people, and God is using you right now!!! Keep pressing on for Jesus!

Your Bro In Christ, Drew

craig gross wrote on November 7th 08 at 10:35AM

Over $1500 has come in so far. Jeanette is going to get Kimberly a check this Sunday at church. Thanks to everyone for what you have done so far...Keep passing the post along.

Tara Chavarria wrote on November 7th 08 at 10:54AM

Thank you so much for sharing your story Kimberly! God is so good and powerful! I will be praying for you and your new life. It is not always easy but it is so worth it!!

Crystal Cordell wrote on November 7th 08 at 05:07PM

Kimberly,
Your story was increadible, but what is more increadible is that you survived it and now you are glorifying the Lord with it. I just wanted to remind you that Christ is the giver of hope, and the lifter of our head. I was aprehensive about writing, but strongly feel like you have been praying lately that you and your daughter would have someone to lean on. That ya'll wouldn't be alone here on earth. Know that the Lord has heard your prayer and is sending an answer to you! May God bless you and continue to use you to help expand His kingdom.

Allan McElroy wrote on November 7th 08 at 06:05PM

Wow

Kenny D wrote on November 8th 08 at 12:36AM

I think you're an Amazing Person Kim & U can do all things thru Christ, which strengthens You!!

Luv You & Friends 4ever!!

The Insurance Mafia wrote on November 8th 08 at 07:55AM

I will pray for her and her daughter. It isn't much, but I have a small $$ gift that will be sent. I hope all the girls of 'the business' can find their way out.

Joshua Travers wrote on November 8th 08 at 10:49AM

Kimberly, your story moved me to tears. I pray the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, would grant to you the spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Him, the eyes of your understanding being enlightened, that you would KNOW the HOPE of HIS calling, the greatness of His power for you who believe.

He loves you so much. He bleeds love for you Kimberly. Don't lose heart. Don't give up. You have a family now, and we love you.

Rick Roberts wrote on November 8th 08 at 11:38AM

Kimberly

Congratulations! Now may God bless you and heal you and use you for His glory. So many of us have been broken people and only the Lord and His love could save us, and He will. Praise Him for you and I pray for your daughter, your health and most of all for God to send His kingdom into your every day life, your heart and your mind. He loves you and after a time, He will use you to go back and rescue the same people you used to do porn with and many more! That is a process, but that is also His revenge on satan for manipulating your life before. Let His light shine and be encouraged. There is a group of believers who love you, maybe not every church or every Christian will, but the ones who love Jesus will and that's a gift to you from our Savior and King.
You're brave Esther, for such a time as this- be encouraged Kimberly and walk with your Jesus hand in hand through healing, through restoration and into warrior service reclaiming lives for the kingdom of Jesus!

Steve S wrote on November 8th 08 at 10:29PM

The site is likely owned by whatever company or individual was managing her career before she left the business. I can't imagine what it's like to be out of the business but yet remain in so many ways.

Congratulations Kimberly on your walk into the light. I think it's funny that a former adult star I used to watch routinely and myself are now both walking God's path. Amen to that.

I also hope you are working to get other women and young girls out of the business too.

Joseph wrote on November 10th 08 at 09:02AM

Kimberly,

One thing the Lord revealed to me is that HIS GRACE is more than sufficient. Reading it in scripture and then knowing in it your heart is a totally different thing. I pray that you know that. Your life is evidence that our Lord is a REDEEMER and as you stated in your testimony that you KNOW that the Lord has awesome works planned for you. I feel this too- because the hunderds of women who are used up by corruptive system need someone- YOU, to show them the way to the light.
God bless you on your continued journey and welcome you into the body of Christ!
My fiance' and I will definitely will be making a contribution to your the Esther Fund for you as well as keeping you in our thoughts and prayers.
Remember- make EVERY TEST a TESTIMONY and every MESS a MESSAGE.

God Bless and keep you.

A guy wrote on November 10th 08 at 02:33PM

go watch Penn & Teller Bullshit! show episode "War on porn" :)

Amanda Allen wrote on November 10th 08 at 04:16PM

God is so good! He is the redeemer! There is NOTHING His blood hasn't covered and NOTHING His wounds can't heal!

Sister-in-Christ wrote on November 10th 08 at 08:57PM

Hi Kimberley,
I keep praying for you and your precious daughter. I am praying that God will send you some really faithful Christians to help you in all aspects of your life. I will be praying that you meet some really good Christian friends to love you and help you during this time. God loves you!

Mr Blue wrote on November 11th 08 at 12:18AM

What an inspiration, you're amazing,
Bless you

Steve G wrote on November 11th 08 at 08:19AM

Of all of this I read it is so hard for me not to focus on you being fired from a real estate company...really any company, for your past...YOUR PAST!! I guess when we see churches firing pastors for coming forward and seeking help why should we be surprised that some pea-brain real estate broker cannot find the sense of compassion and pride which comes from making changes in ones life...Sometimes "The Truth will set you free" seems to take on a very different external meaning...but the internal feeling of it is awesome!

You are correct; God has a plan for you. Thanks for sharing, for being so open on a very public site. I know from my own experience the fear of more exposure when you post and put your life here on X3, but God told me everything I needed to overcome this fear and pour out my life on these pages; in Genesis 1:3 the Bible says "...and God said 'Let there be light' and there was light."

This is the God you and I serve...with Him as our partner, whom shall we fear?

Continue to serve God and find the happiness which only He can provide.

Thank you for sharing here, God bless you for the life you are leading and the lives you are touching through the Truth. Don't listen to the lies of satan.

Steve and Ann

Matt wrote on November 11th 08 at 03:02PM

Kimberly's story really touched me. Having been addicted to the cancer of porn and eventually kicked it, it was still sobering hearing from someone who used to be in it and how they turned their life around by accepting Christ as their savior is awesome!

Cleve wrote on November 11th 08 at 06:44PM

My story is in some ways similar, we both contemplated suicide, and in my case I attempted it, and was VERY blessed to come out on the other side alive and healthy. In my case a long history of porn addiction and severe depression almost cost me my life, and in some ways, I geuss that it did! If I had never hit rock bottom I would have never found Jesus and I would probably be doing the same things today that got me by before. Now, it took me a long time to get over most of my problems, and I still have occasional relapses, but by God's infinite grace he forgives me each and every time and that is all the hope that I need. This past sunday night the preacher taught out of James 5:19-20, and while I think that these verses apply more to believers that have turned their backs on God, it did make me think of all the people that have shown me the love of Jesus and how grateful I am for all of them.

Jesus saves wrote on November 11th 08 at 06:57PM

God is amazing..he has a plan for everything. I will pray for you that your relationship with God continues to grow everyday. Thank you for sharing your story.

Aaron B. wrote on November 11th 08 at 09:37PM

Incredible story you have. God is Almighty and able to keep us from falling.

Nat wrote on November 12th 08 at 03:21PM

Wow. I shouldn't be, but I am amazed at what God can do. I would have never thought that Kimberly would come to be a follower of Christ. What a testimony. God is good! Kimberly will be in my families prayers.

John wrote on November 12th 08 at 11:47PM

Wow! This is one of the most amazing things I've ever seen, I had no idea!

No matter how much you've been through, there's someone who has been through more and has managed to find God. I really wish Kimberly the best and will pray for her and her family!

kevin wrote on November 13th 08 at 01:23PM

hey kimberly,

good to see your kicking the addiction to pornography and my prayers are with you even with fighting the melanoma cancer...yesi can relate cause i had the same thing.

you know what the best part is.. God will never leave you nor forsake you.

Bro in christ, keep serving the Lord

Joel Burman wrote on November 13th 08 at 10:41PM

I could never relate to what you've gone through and what you're going through. I do know though that it is hard to change. I would like to share with you my favourite psalm - psalm 139:

O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.

You hem me in -behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you,

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hid from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of the sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.

If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD,
and abhor those who rise up against you?
I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

That's my favourite psalm and I hope you ponder it and are blessed. Even when you think the darkness can hide you it cant. You've done a very beautiful thing in choosing to follow the Lord, may your whole life continue to be as beautiful as this choice.

Maritza Valle - Chicago, IL wrote on November 14th 08 at 10:17AM

"The more numb you are, the more you are willing to do."

Wow. So many of us experience this. Thank you for sharing Kimberly's story.

Lord you are SO sovereign and almighty! Thank You that You would break generational curses in Kimberly's life and I pray all bonds would be broken, that you would use her to reach billions!! Praise You that You redeemed her. If she needs anything, a place to stay if every in Chicago, use me! Thank you for my sister in Christ! AMEN!

Gods will be done in your life Kimberly!

Joshua wrote on November 14th 08 at 11:39AM

Your testimony is an encouragement to me.

Thank you.

I came to this site looking for encouragement.

You remind me how important it is to see women as something more than for my personal pleasure, despite the images that ask for the opposite.

Don't give up...
I won't either...

Jamie wrote on November 14th 08 at 02:00PM

Kimberly~
May God bless you and continue to keep you in His care. Isn't it humbling to know that no matter how far we stray from God and what he has for us He is ALWAYS with us. We may forsake Him, but he never forsakes us! God has a purpose for your life and I pray that you continue to seek Him. As a wife, I have been hurt by porn. It is such a painful situation to deal with, but God is good. What really breaks my heart though is all of the beautiful women who allow themselves to be exploited and treat so very disrespectfully by guys. I am so glad that you were able to overcome the nasty cycle you were in. I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers.

Harald, Norway wrote on November 14th 08 at 07:51PM

You have a lovely "never say die" attitude and I believe you are on your way to healing and new success in helping other people. No matter how sad your background is you are now positioned in an amazing place to help others! Wow! God turns weakness to strength and tears to joy! I believe God says: "Treat my daughters nicely!" The devil regrets every bad thing he has ever done to you for God is turning it into salvation, into comfort and new starts for both you and others! You rock sister! May God bless you abundantly! Amen! :)

just another shmoe ........ wrote on November 14th 08 at 10:54PM

Wow, a truly moving testimony Kimberly !!!

May the Lord continue to strengthen you sister. As He promises : that He is faithful and just to complete the work that he began in you.

I will add you to my fellowship prayer list. I subscribe to this site becuz of my own challenges with pornography and my own spotted past ...... of which, your story rang so very similar to many people closest in my life.

I find your story and those of others on this site extremely uplifting and represent to me the healing power of Christ during these crazy "daze" of which we occupy. May the Lord continue to enrich & bless your life.

On bended knee, Anthony

Johan Svensson wrote on November 15th 08 at 11:21AM

Kimberly,
You're story is sooo encouraging for me. I am recovering from watcing porn and I just want to ask you for forgiveness for all the support of the porn-industry I've been doing in watching it. I will pray for you, that God would help you continue on in your life. Jesus loves you! Do never ever forget that!

in Christ
/Johan

James wrote on November 16th 08 at 07:25AM

Let me see if I have this correct. This lady made a lot of money from porn, but it's not her fault, it's the drugs fault, even though actresses are drug tested. Then when she was getting too old to compete with the younger actresses anymore, despite attempting by getting more and more outrageous, she decides to retire for ethical reasons, not because the money was no longer on offer. Now she wants to be a suburban mom, so she decides to repent her former life, and hide it. Presumably she lied on her CV to get jobs. A bit of disease appears, so hey, now it's a good idea to turn to God too, just in case. This lady is an actress. Every good choice she made she takes ownership of, but anything questionable wasn't her fault. One of your commenters thinks it outrageous that anyone be judged on their past, would they like a convicted paedophile babaysitting for them? Of course not. Or a fraudster running their community agencies? Of course not. Your past is your best predictor of future behaviour. Kimberly is no victim, she is a manipulative 'passive sociopath' who is now too old and flabby to survive in the competitve porn business, she's had ten good years, I don't see her handing any of the money back, and now she needs to change her tune a little so she can fit in somewhere more appropriate to her age, and every former porn queen knows there is good money to be made advocating against the evils of your former employer (after they have dropped you for a younger candidate).
Get real people, you need to get out more, those Jesus loves y'all either way.

Armin wrote on November 16th 08 at 02:00PM

Dear James, God forgives us even if our motives were wrong, even if we blamed others (or drugs), even if we fall back every day. We all have our "hidden agendas" (we won't mention on internet forums like this). Cancer is no laughing matter especially if you have a child. As Christians, we are to forgive, like Christ, because we all have failed and will fail til the end of our lives. Even if Kimberly lied to everybody on this forum (personally I don't believe she did) or in her heart continues to follow the wrong path, we are to forgive. Even if she uses the money we donated on new drugs, even then. That's what Christ is about. It's not "wake up in the 21st century, you naive Christian" - waking up is about forgiving. In our church here in Berlin we have former hookers, junkies, child molesters, murderers. They don't do these things anymore. But if they did, we would welcome them again, if they repented. This world is bad, and we know that. Fortunately, this world is not our only chance. With love, in the powerful name of Jesus, Armin

Tim wrote on November 16th 08 at 03:44PM

I am thrilled and saddened all at the same time. I prayed for you years ago when I heard about your line of work. I am thrilled my prayer is now answered in that you have come to the loving arms of our Saviour. I am saddened to hear of the illness. I am praying for healing and for your family. May His comfort and healing be with you.
Tim

GJ wrote on November 16th 08 at 08:13PM

Kimberly, you are being used to minister through the grace of God. I have struggled with pornography, lust, maturbation and self-hatred (the cycle) for years ... I am a Christian, a husband, a father. Because of the sins in which I have partaken, I know who you used to be - and to read about who you are is probably the single biggest step forward that I have seen in my spirit in a while. God Bless You. Keep walkin'

Dan wrote on November 16th 08 at 09:50PM

We should get Kimberly over to Bethel Church in Redding, CA or contact them to get someone to go pray for her..check them out God is releasing His healing power through their ministry, there are many cancer healing testamonies. We are seeing some similar releases here in northern Michigan because we serve a good God who's in a good mood! Let's allow the Lord to work!! http://www.ibethel.org/

prodigalson wrote on November 17th 08 at 01:30AM

Praise God for you, Kimberly! It's encouraging to see stories like this because I know that God will move these mountains through our small faith.

Pray also for the people that got you fired. How else could someone in corporate recognize you unless they were consuming porn? I pray he/she gets out/help before getting further into trouble.

marina albertyn wrote on November 17th 08 at 11:39AM

Kimberly
I was so encouraged by your testimony! I know God has such a huge plan for your life and I'm so exited for you...may He continue the good work which he has started in you!

Love
Marina(from South Africa)

Bill wrote on November 19th 08 at 09:11AM

Craig - wouldn't you agree that Vegas is probably the worst place for a recovering porn star to live ? Just curious. Thanks

I will be praying for you all.

brandon piety wrote on November 20th 08 at 05:16AM

Bill - Kimberly states in her story that she moved from LA to Las Vegas to move away from her life in porn....she is established here and has found a great church. I would be careful to credit a place as the "worst place" for someone to live...anywhere can be redeemed. This is where Kimberly this came to Lord and is raising a daughter and is growing, keep in mind Las Vegas is pretty normal in the suburbs...it is exactly the place she should be...

kristian wrote on November 25th 08 at 11:42PM

Hi, I'm from Indonesia and i have many friends from college have the same issue as yours. Thanks for your testimony. Always remember Proverbs 3:5-6

Nancy wrote on November 27th 08 at 09:51AM

Kim - you have a beautiful testimony. There are many things that I have done in my life that I am ashamed of, repented of, and have been forgiven of. I did not earn forgiveness, nor did good things, to get forgiveness, but by God's Grace, I have been forgiven too. Yaaa ! We will be prayin for you and your family. You have a beautiful, full of life, daughter and we love her as if she was our own. I know that she loves you very much... I never knew the whole story, but I am filled with nothing but compassion for you and praise that you have found that the "Lord is Good, and He is faithful".
We are here for you if you should need anything!

..now I know why we have crossed paths... PTL!

Paul wrote on November 29th 08 at 10:01PM

Kimberley: I read your story with amazement, sadness, and joy. I was addicted to porn for many years, but I walk in freedom now as a result of a lot of hard work and God's grace. I used to wonder why girls would make porn at all (besides the money, which can only take you so far) and I understand now that most of them are hurting inside and looking for love, they are lost and confused, as you yourself said you were. Know that the redemption of Christ is complete for you, He has bought you back and you are His, forgiven, loved and accepted. I pray for you and your healing and recovery - God Bless.

MaDrone Alexandre wrote on December 3rd 08 at 12:33PM

Hi.

I heard about Kimberley's situation several months ago and I was shocked. In all honesty, I used to be a big fan of her's and then when I read her story, I felt ashamed. I hope that she gets better and I will do my best to send her positive energy.

Jeff wrote on December 8th 08 at 03:44AM

Not sure if anybody wrote this already or is curious about this, but shouldn't the title read Ex-porn star needs help? Just a thought. Or just a sister needs help. I think she is defined now by her faith in Christ, not her past.

Praise God for your story Kimberley. I hope to hear more soon. And I will keep you in prayer regarding your health and finances.

Jim wrote on December 8th 08 at 09:38AM

She said that she had sex with 620 guys in one single day....is that possible????????????
God help her if that is the case

anon wrote on December 14th 08 at 07:54AM

it wasnt 620 guys, i am led to believe it was 55 guys who performed multiple sex acts on her each act individually counted.

rev.spike wrote on December 15th 08 at 11:22PM

Kimberly,

I remember seeing you on Stern years ago and feeling terrible about how exploited you would be. and how I wanted to see it. At that point in life I was a young Christian struggling to get out of the consumer side of porn. I often wonder how girls from the "industry" are doing. It is awesome to know that God has brought salvation to your soul. I pray with all my heart that he will heal your body as well.

Thank you for sharing your story. It takes great humility to do so. It is also my prayer that God will use your story to help other girls out of the "vicious cycle" of porn.

Grace and Peace,

Rev. Spike

Nancy wrote on December 16th 08 at 09:06PM

Kim - To continue what we were talking about... the other ex-porn girls call themselves the JC's Girls who were at the Las Vegas Adult Expo: Lori Albee, Tanya Huerter, and Heather Veitch.
http://www.beliefnet.com/Faiths/Christianity/2006/02/Jesus-Loves-Strippers.aspx
I don't know enough about their ministry to know if they are legit or not. I did see some negative blogs about them. Maybe Craig has heard of them?

jordan wrote on December 22nd 08 at 08:05PM

i feel bad for watching all your films now

i hope life gets good for you and jesus will be your homeboy

Max wrote on December 22nd 08 at 11:15PM

I have to say that I have recently started going back to church, but I always Believed in God and Jesus. I just didn't believe in the church. I am now in a presbyterian church that I love.

I also have had a problem with Pornography and I used it for 17 years. It twisted my views on what sex is, it made it hard not to look at a girl without sexualy fantasizing about her, and it made me feel guilty and lonely

That is nothing compared to what it does to the people in the industry. I feel even more ashamed for achieving pleasure at there dedregation.

while I may not agree with everything you guys agree with, I believe that Masturbation is healthy if you don't have a wife to have sex with, it;s what you are doing while doing it that makes it harmful and sinful.

I haven't looked at a porn magazine, porn website, or porn video since I started going back to church in early October, Thank God

Jesus talked and dined with sinners because "the well have no need for a doctor"

Houston is like the woman who crashed Simon the Pharisee's party in Luke 7 and we as christians should help her

I used to spend on average $15-$20 a month on porn. I would like to give back, so in 2009 I will donate $11.99 a month, the cost of a new Barely legal to the Esther's Fund

God Bless

Albert wrote on January 4th 09 at 09:19AM

Kimberly
Thank you for sharing this.
I admire you for taking the very difficult steps you have, and hope every day you find greater strength and healing. Look deep inside yourself for your strength - we have so much strength inside of us to help us through the difficult times. And surround yourself with loving people who you trust, who give you strength and inspiration and who you can rely on, be it your daughter, other relatives, friends, the Church... You know who those people are.
I wish you every Success and Happiness in 2009. Be proud of yourself and remember you have amazing things in life ahead of you ;-)
All the Best
Albert

Joanna wrote on January 5th 09 at 12:33AM

I hate porn and always feel super threatened by the girls . I feel like I could never get the "rise" or attention out of my husband, like those girls do. They are a threat to me and I struggle to love (even my husband) through it . But I know that Jesus' heart has to be in favor of this whole movement. Even though it's super risky. I don't know how these men are at porn conventions around sexually stimulation and function propperly. I admire it. I just don't understand it except that it must be comeplete selflessness. I respect it. Its needed and I'd love to see how the pastors wives are involved in the whole thing. thanks

mds544 wrote on January 5th 09 at 06:34PM

Thank you for sharing. I've been able to spend some time with a woman whose story sounds so much like yours. I'm so encouraged--there's hope...