MySpace a Bad Place?

I was interviewed on a radio show last week and I was asked what some of the threats are that face our children online.  There are many but the one I discussed on the show was the dangers of Social Networking sites like MySpace.  Why did I pick this threat?  So many kids are on MySpace and many parents don’t even know they should be concerned about it.  For those of you who are not familiar with what social networking sites, like MySpace, are I’ll give you a brief overview.  Social Networking sites allow users to create their own personal webpage that is about them.  It usually includes things like: their picture, personal information (sex, age, where they live, where they go to school, contact information, religion, orientation etc.) a diary, a place where people can leave them messages, a place to post pictures and videos – you get the idea.  Why is this dangerous?  Well here’s what NBC’s Dateline said after doing an investigation: 

“When Dateline surfed MySpace, we found scenes of binge drinking, apparent drug use, teens posing in underwear, and other members simulating sex, and in some cases even having it ... Teens listed not only their names, and address, but even cell phone numbers and after school schedules.”        

Not only are the kids that are surfing MySpace being exposed to inappropriate content (vulgar language, porn pictures and videos, links to inappropriate websites) but a lot of kids are exposing all kinds of personal information about themselves to anyone with an Internet connection. That includes child predators and the stats say that 50,000 of them are online at any given time.  In my opinion MySpace is like a menu for child predators. The predator can search on MySpace by age, race, body type, height, religion, zip code to find the exact kids who meet their criteria. Then the predator can make contact with them depending on the information posted on the kids MySpace page (cell phone number, email address, school name etc.). I don’t know about you but I don’t want my kids on the menu.

So what’s the solution?  If your kids have a MySpace page (or a page on another social networking site) get them off the menu by having them take down their page.  You’ll probably get a lot of push back and hear things like, “All my friends are on it” or “You’re ruining my life”.  You may actually be saving it. At my seminars parents often tell me, “My kids say their MySpace page is private so only their friends can see their page”.  Here’s the problem with that. A local police officer, that’s on an Internet taskforce, told me that there is no such thing as a “private” MySpace page because there are many hacks freely available on the web that can unlock these “private” pages.  You think child predators might use these hacks?  I do.  The next thing you need to do is make you’re your Internet filtering software is blocking the social networking sites.  There is just too much inappropriate content that your child can be exposed to while surfing around on them.  Don’t have an Internet filter?  We’ll talk about that and other issues next time. 

Andy wrote on April 29th 08 at 04:04AM

Try this, there's a few Christian themed myspace pages out there. I lead the small youth group at the church and a few of them seem to like it. My favorite is:

www.yourchristianspace.com

There is still the issue of your child putting too much information/pictures, but one would hope that it has a more moral audience.

Peace,
Andy

Kevin wrote on April 29th 08 at 10:07AM

@Andy: Thanks for the post. The problem with any social networking site (Christian themed or otherwise) is that they can expose kids personal information as you mentioned.

Here what I found that was "exposed" as I surfed around YourChristianSpace.com for a few minutes:

- A 15-year-old girl who had her IM handle posted. She said on her page "IM me anytime". What an easy way to contact her. Most online predators contact their prey via instant messaging and chat rooms.

- A 14-year-old girl had her picture surrounded with Playboy bunnies and the word “Sexy” flashing. Probably not something her parents would want posted for the world to see.

- Several kids as young as 9 had there own page with their pictures posted along with other personal information. As you know I am not a fan of MySpace but it does restrict membership to 14 years old and above and it only allows you to search for people 18 and older. YourChristianSpace.com doesn't even have these restrictions.

Unfortunately social networking sites just have to many risks for kids.

Ian Burgess wrote on April 30th 08 at 12:21PM

I really have to disagree with you about getting kids to get rid of their profile pages. I agree that its too easy to get personal information, and things like addresses and phone numbers defiantly shouldn't be there, but a lot of youth group/church stuff is organized via Facebook for me.
And its a great way to stay in touch with friends who have moved away, not to mention a great way to witness, perhaps blogging about church stuff, or uploading pictures of youth group activities. Then non-Christian friends might go have a look, and see that Christians aren't boring at all.

Instead of just taking it away from kids, I would stress actually talking openly about the dangers of the internet, and perhaps even creating a social networking page and then adding your kids/youth group to it, so that way you can advise them if something is a bit risky.

Andy wrote on May 1st 08 at 09:31AM

I suppose ultimately, as with anything your children are into, it is vital that the parents are aware of what is going on and that the kids know about the dangers involved. It's up to the parent to decide whether or not they let their child have a myspace page. An idea that a friend of mine had which I thought was brilliant is for the parent to make a myspace page and befriend his/her son/daughter, and all of their friends. This way you know exactly what's going on. If the kid disputes, then take it away!

Peace in Christ,
Andy

Kevin wrote on May 1st 08 at 10:22AM

@Andy
@Ian

Thanks for the comments. Parents do have to decide what they're going to do with their kids regarding MySpace and other social networking sites. As a parent, and one who researches Internet safety issues, I have decided the dangers far outweigh the benefits so my kids can't be on MySpace or any other social networking site. It's not just the exposure to predators I'm concerned about. It's the exposure to inappropriate language, pictures and video’s, which are abundant, that I’m concerned about. It’s the exposure to all kinds of poor life choices that are displayed that I am concerned about. I don't want to have my kids surfing the web on that kind of playground. There are to many chances for accidental exposure to happen. Parents have to weigh the risks and benefits. On my scale the benefit stack is small and the danger stack is tall.

Noel wrote on May 8th 08 at 07:13PM

If I know a thing or two about being a teen (cause I was one once like maybe most of you here), it's that they will find a way to do what they want to do, especially if they think that it is not wrong. Trying to "censor" them and "require" them to be left out of a peer-influenced activity like having a MySpace profile would probably have them doing such things anyway in some other places, like maybe maintain their pages while surfing the net with their friends elsewhere other than home. And for all your efforts trying to stop them from engaging in activities like maintaining an online profile which is probably the way things are really heading, you get yourself labeled everything else except "correct".

One of the suggestions provided here is to be involved in activities your kids are involved in. I think that's called parenting. And if it requires that I learn this technology beast called MySpace, have my page linked to a dozen of teen friends of my kids, so be it. Taking the easy step of "no, you can't have MySpace" really doesn't work in this case. You have to be more creative (or involved) than that.

Kevin Outland wrote on May 8th 08 at 08:20PM

@Noel:

I hear what your saying but your argument, in regards to MySpace, is similar to what many public schools say in response to teenage sex. The argument goes something like this:

Teenagers are going to have sex anyways so let's give them condoms.

I don't buy the argument and don't agree with the "solution". I know having sex in high school is popular and all but, as a parent, I'm not going to cave in and say "Take this condom with you just in case." Kids in school my label my child a prude but that still won't make me change my mind. Teaching my child the difference between right and wrong and how to standing up in the face of adversity is called parenting. Giving into what's cool or hip (even though it my be inappropriate or even dangerous) is not parenting. I told my daughter she can't go on MySpace or have a MySpace page and I told her the reasons why. She wasn't thrilled but she understood. Could she go off to a friends house and create a page? That'd be hard since I know her friends parents and they know what our rules are for web surfing and they're on the same page as us. Communication with other parents and talking about this issue isn't easy but it what it takes to be a parent.

Of course I am only a parent to my children. I can provide advice, insight and suggestions to other parents but what they do with the information is up to them. MySpace has tons of porn on it and links to all kinds of inappropriate websites. Not to mention the whole sexual predator issue. Until there's a safer alternative my advice is to make sure your kids aren't on it. It might be tough to do but no one said parenting was easy.

Brian wrote on May 9th 08 at 02:29PM

Saying a blanket 'No!' to all of our children and teens because others are ignorant enough to post their personal information is a horrible precedent. Some kids don't look both ways before crossing the street, should we not let any of our children out of the house then because of the accident rate? No, we should teach them to look both ways, and we should teach our kids to keep personal info off and only deal with their personal, real life friends on myspace and not accept friend requests from people they do not know, not punish them because of what other kids do. It takes a parent about 10 seconds to check to see who their child has added recently as a friend on myspace, which is what should be recommended, not this visceral ignorant knee-jerk over-reaction to attack myspace and the internet in general based on some assumptions and numbers. Perhaps Kevin should research the statistics on how horrible many teenage drivers are, and tell his teens to delete (or sell) all of their cars as a result of the actions of those other teens? Why does this article not recommend this? Because parents understand cars, and grew up with them, and understand there is a safe and normal way to use them. Parents do not understand this about the internet - they are simply afraid of it and spread this fear mongering like Kevin's article for news ratings purposes.

Kevin Outland wrote on May 9th 08 at 04:07PM

@Brian:

You're certainly fired up on this topic. I don't expect everyone to agree with me and that's OK. But your analogies are all wrong. There are many things in life that our children need to learn. Some could potentially be dangerous, like driving a car or crossing the street. These are skills they need to get through life efficiently. MySpace does not fall into this realm. Being on MySpace is not a basic life skill children need to live a productive life. My views on MySpace are not knee-jerk. The dangers are well documented. I have spent a lot of time on MySpace and I know it very well. So my views don't come out of ignorance; they come from knowledge. You also mentioned I attack the Internet. I don't attack the Internet. I think the Internet is a great tool and kids should absolutely use it (mine do). What I do is help parents better understand the Internet and educate them about the parts of the Internet that could be inappropriate or dangerous for their children. Then I direct them to tools and services they can use to make the Internet a great experience for their kids.

At the end of the day it's up to you what you’re going to let your kids do. Trying to teach them how to play kick-ball in a minefield isn't a life skill I think my kids need to learn.

Brandon wrote on May 10th 08 at 11:43AM

Why not just stop your kids from putting up personal information? I don't see the need to take down the entire page.

Lou wrote on May 12th 08 at 10:40PM

I agree with Andy. The bible tells us not to do anything that even appears evil...it doesn't even have to be a bad thing, but u know what, there's a lot of "crap" on myspace that teenagers should not be looking at or have access to. Or anybody for that matter. Besides, you're promoting myspace and all it's garbage that comes with it. Now I'm not against the whole networking thing; infact, Facebook is pretty good and doesn't have all that explicit in your face ....stuff. But if myspace is a hindrance to your walk with God, what's the problem with ditching the page? Does it mean that much to you? Now I'm talking to the teenager. As far as the parents, i think they have a right to say to there kids what to do and not do.....and if your going to say that "oh, there going to do it anyway." and the parents are suppose to just give into that, then that's pretty much giving up on your beliefs as a Christian and ultimately your kids.

Kevin Outland wrote on May 13th 08 at 10:02AM

@Brandon:

As I mentioned in my Blog besides the dangers of kids exposing their person information to predators there is a lot of inappropriate content on MySpace (vulgar language, porn pictures and videos, links to inappropriate websites). Kids getting exposed to inappropriate content, which is rampant on MySpace, is another reason to keep your kids off MySpace.

miguel wrote on July 20th 08 at 09:11PM

i think you might be go a little too overboard. MySpace isn't as bad as it sounds. i have been on myspace for about 3 years and ive been blessed by so many ministries blogs, music and teachings. Now as a church, we do have a page and most of our outreaches come from that. We have a number of ppl who visited our church cause of our myspace, and they do stay.
my advice is get a monitor software that keeps a track of what they go into (like every page) and of course mentor them on what to get off and on. I dont like the whole "dont drive cause its dangerous" mentality. I like to use the devils weapons to defeat him. now i dont mean by going to pornshops and stores and trying to "reach out"...i just think you need to look at a different perspective. yes theres lots of exposure, but escaping it will not fix the problem. You need to train your kids to handle those problems. Theres exposure everywhere theres media. so if you want to kick that out, kick every form of media
do what you want with your kids. i just think that "dont drive" is temporary solution..they will get exposed by some other form

Heartbroken mom wrote on September 26th 08 at 12:56PM

In response to Noel.....I tried that and it was an abysmal failure.....my 16 yo son was livid I joined facebook and proceeded to "go under ground" by posting his comments to his "Inbox" and IM (all of which is private to prying eyes). His issues, ( pornopgraphy, hyper-sexual pursuit of "girl-friends", drug abuse) have developed BECAUSE OF his access to the internet sub-culture, which is now American mainstream culture. My husband and I thought we were doing everything right, with all the appropriate safeguards and "limits" ie. "as long as you act/behave appropriately and responsibly/follow the rules, you can have the privilage...." What a bunch of nonsense! That kind of thinking is just a pacifyer to make parents feel Okay about what they are allowing their kids to do. There is some inherent "evil" about the electronic information explosion that sucks people in, especially kids, taps into the darkest parts of our souls and won't let go. It's like a modern day version of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil from Genesis. Laugh if you want and call me a overreacting parent but I've witness my talented, upbeat, energetic, kind and respectful son who use to love the Lord, morph into a rebellous, agnostic, condesending detached liar. After many episodes of grounding him from his internet access/phone for his dishonesty and inapropriate behavior the ONLY thing we have found that's working is zero tolerance and intensive family couseling. He has no access to the internet unless we are sitting next to him. He can only have his lap top when we say so and we have to sit next to him. We took away his Treo and got him a cell phone with no picture/video capabilities. We check his text messages (another HUGE source of potential inappropriate behavior). We raided his room and other parts of the house, his car and anywhere else we can think of and threw away his stash of marijuana and paraphernalia. We have curtailed his comings and goings from the house. At this point if family counseling doesn't work, we will put him into an inpatient rehab program. After finding over 4,000 images of pornography on his lap top, which included many labed "taboo sex", I, HIS MOTHER, had to search his computer files to delete all of it. I am so distraught and filled with sorrow, have nightmares and flashbacks, that I honestly think I'm suffering from some kind of mild form of PTSS. I feel I have been mentally and emotionally raped. Think it can't happen to you with your kids?? Neither did we....