Failures are a part of the process.
I must be suffering from writers block during the times I refer to other articles- but this is one that I think is a must read for those of us who have chosen to stand with our husbands as they continue to battle through their struggle with pornography. I have heard some opposition that if a man is a new creation in Christ that he will never ever struggle again and if he does then there is no evidence of transformation. I disagree with that. I do believe there is fruit that remains from true repentance but fruit is not instantly seen. We know that something was going on inside the seed and under the soil before the ripe plant grew up and out and produced it's sweet fruit! I hope you enjoy this article from my friend Kathy Gallagher of Pure Life Ministries.
Failures are a part of the process.
When
Steve came to the Lord in 1982, I naturally assumed that his sexual
escapades were over and done with. But like many newborn believers,
his zeal for the Lord was no match for the lustful desires still
stirring deep within him. Three weeks after his conversion, he fell
back into sin. For a long period afterwards, He had spurts of victory
followed by relapses into pornography and illicit sex. I was
devastated, and I couldn’t imagine much good ever coming out of his
failures.
At times I questioned his sincerity. “How can he say that he loves God
and loves me and still return to his sin?” I asked myself. I was very
idealistic about spiritual matters. To me it was simple: you repent,
you turn away from sin, and then you get on with life. The
inconsistency in his walk with the Lord led me to think that Steve
didn’t mean business.
Eventually, I realized that he was in the fight of his life and hadn’t
become addicted overnight. Sex was his biggest idol even before he got
saved. For years his mind was a fantasy warehouse where he stored
volumes of pornographic images. He had had countless sexual encounters
before and after we got married.
My husband’s experience helped me to see that in order to break free
from sexual sin, a man can’t simply flip a switch that completely shuts
down his sex drive. It is unrealistic—and unwise—for any wife to think
that one experience of brokenness at an altar will be the last of her
husband’s struggles. In our society today, complete immunity against
sexual temptation is virtually impossible. Nevertheless, a wife whose
husband truly desires victory, but occasionally stumbles, should remain
hopeful. God is at work in his heart.
Breaking free from habitual sin is almost always a process, and
failures often serve as springboards to real freedom. Very few sex
addicts are zapped. Therefore, setbacks are to be expected—despite any
resolve to find freedom. Each of us was born with a natural propensity
to sin. Only after a person gets sick and tired of wallowing in the
pigpen and reaping the consequences, will he begin to hate his sin.
A godly wife must find a balance between patiently bearing her
struggling husband while refusing to tolerate insincerity and
unfaithfulness. Often it can be difficult to discern when someone is
having a temporary setback as opposed to someone who is not serious
about quitting.
A man who really wants to break free must show some willingness to
change and make the necessary steps that will lead to long-term
freedom. Although I was devastated by Steve’s repeated failures, I
never lost hope because it was obvious he was desperate to find God.
Because of the depth of his sin, our marriage would have quickly
fizzled out had he not permitted the Lord to deal with him. Many times
his sin brought me almost to a breaking point, but God was faithful to
give me the grace to endure.
If your husband is battling habitual sexual sin, I encourage you to focus your attention on three things:
1. Focus On An Awesome God
Don’t stare at the overwhelming mountain of your husband’s sin, look to
God who moves mountains. It is imperative that you spend quality time
with the Lord everyday to maintain this kind of faith. If you don’t do
this, your hope won’t be based upon the reality of what the Lord can do
but upon how well your husband is doing. This is an easy set up for
much heartache and grief. Your hopes of him ever changing will be
dashed often.
2. Focus On Your Husband’s Efforts
If your husband has demonstrated a desire to change, believe the best.
Perhaps you have tried to do this in the past and have been
disappointed when he failed. It is very likely that this kind of
disappointment comes whenever you zero in on his failures instead of
examining the overall pattern of his life. If you seek the Lord for
yourself, you are less likely to brood over his past sins and will look
for the good in your husband. However, if you don’t press into God,
his failures will distort your view of him.
3. Focus On The Length Of Your Days
Try your best to see the big picture. You and your husband are on a
long journey, and hopefully by God’s grace his addiction will only be a
small part of it. If you were to draw a ten-inch line on a piece of
paper, representing the rest of your lives, this period will appear
very small. If you then draw that line with respect to eternity, this
season of your life will barely be distinguishable—it will appear as a
tiny dot!
You must have the proper perspective; otherwise your husband’s
failures will paralyze you emotionally and spiritually. As a child of
God, you cannot allow his setbacks to cripple you. To avoid going off
into despair when your husband fails, focus on the One who is Sovereign
over all things, on your husband’s efforts to change, and on the big
picture. Then before long your faith will once again soar like an
eagle!
Kathy Gallagher is the Vice President of Pure Life
Ministries. She has been ministering to Christian women for over 20
years and has a deep desire to see them living a fulfilled life in
Christ.
This is all a Marxism Formula, of course to appear Christ-like, it's mixed in with Religious words:
I'm sure your not even aware your doing this Michelle.
Here are Very Key Marxist words that are spoken here in your Article:
1.) Change (4 times it's mentioned)
2.) Transformation
3.) Process
4.) Long Journey
5.) Proper Prospective
6.) Finding a balance
7.) Necessary steps
8.) Business
9.) Spiritually
Not once is Jesus Christ, God's Holy Spirit or God The Father or Reading the Bible mentioned. No man comes to God but by Jesus Christ and no man comes to Jesus Christ except The Father Draw him. So when this article speaks about God it's not "The God of The Bible" it's not "God The Father".
Prayer:
Oh Righteous Father, please save these folks in Jesus Name. Amen.
This article was taken from Pure Life Ministries and was written by Kathy Gallagher- vice president.
They only preach the gospel of Jesus Christ and a relationship with Him that will create a new heart.
Thanks for taking the time to pencil your comments though.
Your post touch my heart. I'm a normal, every day believer of Christ who is so not in tune with RELIGIOUS conversation that I have no idea what Marxism even means. And you know what, I couldn't care less. You spoke to a layman's heart, and for all the people out there that you may have somehow offended - quite frankly, who gives a rip? I hope to God that I never become so educated that I am condescending towards fellow Christians. THANK YOU for sharing this private piece of your life so that others can benefit from your experience. It takes a humble heart to admit that your spouse has, or had an addiction to someone outside of your immediate relationship - even if only online or in print media. Don't let the negative feedback keep you from encouraging others - there's always a critic - and when it comes to religion - always a hypocrite. Where else would you find one?
Take care,
Cheryl
I actually appreciate your post for a couple of reasons. I do not think that your education of Marxism is condescending, but I do think that your application of it in this context is a bit extreme.
My first crisis of faith occurred when I was in 7th grade, when I picked up a book about Buddhism and realized that if I had been raised a Buddhist, I would never doubt its teachings, because they are in the most part good - so why is Christianity any different?
Don't misunderstand, I know and love Jesus Christ as my Savior - though there are great teachings outside of Christianity - there is a truth in our faith that is above all.
OK - so my point: it is good to recognize heretical doctrine when it appears to ensure that you are not misled - in fact, too many people close their eyes to anything outside of our faith and therefore are susceptible to being led astray - but if you reduce the above article to a Marxist doctrine, then you are missing the point - there are key Communist dictates that make sense in a Christian context. Just because I see some good ideas in Marxism doesn't make me any less of a Christian - just because I see the value in some Buddhist teachings doesn't mean that I'm turning my back on my God and Savior.
All Christians must be bold in proclaiming that Christ is the Savior of the world - and wholeheartedly accept his mercy because of our depravity without Him. Please don't point fingers - especially at those who try to uplift and encourage ... we have to be careful about the way we think, what we say and certainly what we do, but deconstructionism won't get us anywhere.
I know I'm a rambler - I hope I made a bit of sense.
We are all in this race together - let us continue to (constructively) help each other along the way!
Blessings,
Jennifer
