OK, IN RESPONSE TO YOUR QUESTIONS...

I grew up in a home with pornography. My step-father asked me to marry him after he divorced my mother, who was divorcing him for "touching" my little sister. He would touch me from the time I was 5. I was his "favorite". Pornography makes men sick. It was all sick. Being a Christian, I couldn't understand a God who would allow all the sickness to continue without intervention. My father was a minister that ran off with the organist because he said my mother didn't give him enough sex after having several children with her. (She was exhausted chasing lots of little ones all day.) He married a woman much younger than my mother, who would do anything to get him. He left my mother to raise the children by herself, to get his sexual needs met by someone else outside the home. Pornography destroys. A whole church community was destroyed. I went to college and found Christian men weren't very different then other men... and if they took advantage of a woman, it was the woman's fault. So many people think it is perfectly acceptable and normal for men to do this, and if they are -- its the woman's fault. No matter where I went, I couldn't get away from the sickness... Its on the store shelves, gmas and gpas are doing it. I gave into the "sickness as normal"... I ran away from God to get even with the "men" -- trying to find love. When I couldn't find love, to get even. I dated "normal" men -- who broke my heart and used me time and again. They would promise marriage to get down my pants to get their needs met and throw me out like so much garbage. But the Lord found me inspite of it all. He protected me from harm inspite of it all. He even used some of the most unusual people to protect me. When I was drunk they would carry me home put me to bed and lock the door behind them when they left, so they would not use me. (They treated me like they were my big caring older brother.) How odd that they were often drug addicts and bartenders. Jesus pulled me out of the gutter and brought me back to safety, but I got a horrible disease from the things I got involved with which is what scared me straight after looking for love in all the wrong places... I was suppose to have cancer and not to be able to have children. God healed me miraculously of the disease. I now have two beautiful children. Sadly, their father is addicted to masturbation and pornography. God told him to stop when we were married - he didn't obey the Lord and it began to destroy our marriage from the moment the pornography first appeared on our tv. The church was no help -- it is like they ignore the problem and said it was normal, and blamed the women. My husband's mother says it is "normal and encourages his behavior in front of my children". We are now divorced because of his addictions to masturbation and other women. The pornography which was hidden, but came to light during my first pregnancy... totally destroyed my sense of safety in the marriage and my ability to function or trust my husband. As the ignored wife, I got very sick and emotional. He was verbally abusive to the point I was barely able to function and was praying that God would either let me go or cause me to die. Sadly, the children still have to deal with it when they are with their dad for visitations. He moved them into the other woman's home. He leaves sex toys where the children end up having to explain to others what the items are... Being a lonely divorcee... I have found that I cry alot, I still don't understand why God can't heal it -- heal our family -- and cause my husband to have a pure heart towards me and the family. I have asked the Lord to put me in a bubble - to protect my heart from the ways of the world and to give me the mind of Christ concerning my loneliness, dating and remarriage. I have not had sex for years. (I had become a sex addict in college.) I am not interested in dating any more... It seems there is a rare person who actually wants a "pure relationship". When I am lonely I go to Jesus and cry, sometimes for hours just begging God to show up in the church in this area. I have maybe kissed 4 people (one incident each) in 7 years time -- as I have tried to listen to the "church people" and date. But the truth is... most people aren't interested in relationship, they are interested in sex, just getting their own physical desires met. I don't have any peices left to sell to others. I cry out for the angels of God to come and intervene to save me from my self and going back into a pit that I have not lived in since college. I have actually had "happenings" that interrupt what is going on... so I cannot continue going down a "bad path". I cry to Jesus to give my children eyes to see as he sees and the mind of Christ to know how to respond to the enemies schemes blatant in their faces. My children are teens. Their father a man who just moves from one woman to the next to get his sexual desires met. The women today are really no different then the ones on the film when he moved the pornography into the home, except now the woman are not on film but real people who have entered into our marriage and destroyed our relationship and communication completely. They originally took his time from me -- which was precious and rare time we had together. Now they take his time (if not from me because we are divorced now) from the children,and from what is good and right. I often wonder if he never wanted to travel with us because that would have taken him away from his own idea of a "good time". I have lost my faith in men, in marriage and in relationships. I try to believe their is a God who could offer more. I would prefer to be alone than abused by being objectified and seen only as an object to "meet someones" sexual sicknesses. I have no desire to attract attention to myself anymore - I don't like what it feels like. (I was a cheerleader and a homecoming person.) The attention makes me feel dirty. I feel dirty for all that has been done to me by my stepfather, by my father to my mother, by boyfriends in college, and my husband. I feel used and dirty and dont' want to be touched in that way ever again. Oh that there were a God who could heal my broken heart and really make a difference. But alas.. the pattern repeats itself. Oh that God could protect my children from the horrors of it's emotional abuse. Father's who tell their daughters they need to loose weight - are father's watching pornography! They are sick. (Maybe I am wrong, but I don't think so -- because they are not seeing their daughters for who the daughters are as people -- but as bodies.) My brother told me I needed to loose weight in high school -I was an embarassment to him. I became bulemic... which added to my difficulties later in life. I could never be "skinny enough" to please any man -- even my husband - there would always be another woman in his heart and mind "better than me". I lose. My heart is broken. My daughter has little to look forward to in life -- if this is all there is... and the pattern repeats itself in her life. She finds it hard to trust any man because of what she has seen them do to the women in her own life - especially her gpas and her own father to me. The boys in her school tell her they "like" her and the next day they are with someone else. How cheap relationships are these days.

Well I have dealt with porn addiction masturbation and homosexuality for as long as I can think of it nd it only gets worse in my eyes. I try so hard not to buy yet I always fall into it! I kno its not right nd I kno I need to change nd I want to but for some reason I can't fully commit to it nd I let guilt take over nd it only makes me worse! None of my friends or family kno but I feel like I need to talk to someone about it to get help which is why I'm talkin to u but can I do this with jus the help of God or do I need some other kind of help?? Please help me!!!!

Your blog made me cry. I am trying to get over my addiction to pornography and masturbation. I loved how you talked about the Scripture verses. 2 Cor 12:9 has been my mantra for the past 4 months. And you are so right. It is not easy to get over your addiction. I fail sometimes and it is easy to fall into guilt and despair over it, but you just have to turn back to God, trust in Him and start over.

Dear Shellie,

Terrific advice regarding using the Word, as Jesus did, to fight off temptation!

And Rae,

I feel for you and thank God for the men you have discovered in your life who did not take advantage of you and protected you from others and themselves. It just goes to prove that we can overcome our desires and do the right thing, but it takes effort and willpower along with God's grace to do this. God is righteous in that He knows we have to participate in becoming who and what He desires us to be in Christ. There is no EASY FIX!

I am sorry for your situation, but I rejoice that you are resting in God and trusting in Him despite everything that has happened in your life. I pray for you and women like you to find all you need in Christ.

Here's my little testimony:

I was able to give up porn, to which I was addicted for decades, when God showed me it was ruining my marriage (I wasn't interested in normal sex) and it was a matter of giving it up or Him going away. What I mean by that is: I thought I was a Christian 20 years before, but I never had the power to overcome my youthful lusts. I tried very hard, off and on, to not give in, but was always disgusted by my giving in and how inevitable it seemed.

When I got married the first time, it was for the sake of sex. But, sex alone doesn't make a good marriage and along with the porn and the fact that I didn't really love my first wife, it was doomed to fail. I had a hypocritical standard though. I waited until I was sure she was cheating on me to file for divorce. And here (according to Jesus) I was the first one to commit adultery all along!

So, I remained addicted to sex with may women and porn. The women were just a means for me to fulfill my fantasies, which kept getting more and more perverted. I would warn the women that I was very "kinky" and felt that if they still wanted to go to bed with me then I didn't need to feel guilty. But, even after I found a woman I truly loved, she wasn't able to fulfill all my perverted desires. There were just some things she wouldn't do and I couldn't blame her.

To make a long story short, God showed me my life was deteriorating on the inside while outside it looked like I was successful and blessed. I started giving up all my bad habits, like smoking and cussing, but throwing away all the porn I'd accumulated was the hardest thing to give up. I finally truly repented and surrendered my life to God on a late night drive and have never looked back.

There are times when I catch bad thoughts and images popping into my head, but I rebuke the devil and, as suggested, think on good things, like a song or scripture or prayer, and shortly the images and thoughts go away. The Bible says "Resist the devil and he will flee from you" (James 4:7). I still find myself automatically thinking about porn when I see a woman in a certain stance or her mouth open a certain way. That is just the scars from my habits and I have to shake myself loose from the thoughts and pictures. But, God is faithful and will make you stronger over time against this stuff. It will always be a big weakness, but Christ said we'd all have our crosses to bear. This is just one of many for me.

Praise God, He still delivers people FROM their sin (Matthew 1:21). God is true, He is not a liar.

When Paul says "No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." (1 Corinthians 10:13 ESV), you have to believe that. Every time you overcome the temptation, Satan gets a black eye and you get stronger. It's like exercise, where you can't just take a pill or watch a video to get in shape. It takes effort and desire to get where you need to be.

God bless and help all of you who are struggling, to surrender to God's will and strength.