Where do I get help

I am feel trapped and ashamed. I am a respect person in the community, Christian, exec position at work, volunteer, council people on porn addiction and I am the one on the net.


I pray everyday for this to stop....

I have tried to live my life by they way my parents have lived theirs. It was so normal it was abnormal. I have divorced twice, one a abusive wife, two one that ran away with the rich guy and now married again. I support 5 house holds. 3 children living on their own, one ex and my home now. The only time I feel in control of my life is when I surf the porn sites. It is not the images that have me hooked but the the way I superimpose myself in the scene and the feelings it generates in my head. The world disappears, the hurt, the frustration, the feeling of being used.

When I get away to a place where the internet is not there I do not miss it. But when at home and alone after everyone goes to bed I start to surf. When on Business trips it like a binge and I just need to let the world go and get caught up in the moment.

I know all the lines to say, can work my way around any software so accountability is an issue. I can not talk to anyone in fear of be discovered in the community. I need help and do not know where to go. The city here is very conservation and does not have out reach programs. I need help before I lose all control. \I know it is easy to say I love my wife, the question is what the hell am I doing, I know the hurt it will cause, but i keep going back even after months of being away.

Is there help, i am lost