Desperately Seeking for a New Direction!!

This is new for me.. Im 19 and in college and I feel like I wear a mask. I grew up in the church and was the guy everyone pretty much liked, always serving and seeming so "perfect" at times. I started using porn at 16 and ever since than its grown into something I cant control. I would switch back from striaght porn to gay porn to masturbation and feel so guilty and disgusted I couldnt live with myself. When I started going to college, I felt free of porn , and temptation... BUT than I went home and failed every time. A couple of days ago I went beyond the fantasy and wanted something real, something I could touch so I met w this couple from this site who invited me over and it went too far. I drove home that night crying and wanting to kill myself i was speeding ready to die and something stopped me, Ever since that night I cant even look at porn the same its like a numbness that it disgusts me but now I feel so ashmaed and I cant sleep and I cant talk to anybodu and I feel like Im living this lie and I feel so low and I know God forgives and He loves and I hope that He can for give me...

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