Past addictions haunting me again.

I am a 19 year old female, and recently my old addiction to porn and masturbation has been haunting me again. I was exposed to porn in the 4th grade. In the 7th grade, I began to turn to porn when my hormones acted up. I was depressed, and I got made fun of in school for being chubby. I guess I started watching porn because I wanted to be them originally. I wanted their bodies. I wanted boys to want me like they wanted them. After a while, I became more and more addicted. I felt so dirty any disgusted with myself that I pushed God away entirely, too ashamed to face him. I looked at porn everyday, I even talked on sex chatlines with men because I liked feeling wanted. When I reached my sophmore year in high school, I turned back to God, and I was able to find strenght to quit my addiction. For 3 and a half years, I was completely clean and I never thought that it would come back. Last year I started going to a Christian college. Somehow I found myself looking at stuff again. Just this last couple of weeks it has been worse then ever since I gave up my addiction. I just got engaged and my fiance is having the same issue. Clean for 2 and a half years, just now struggling with it. I am ashamed to say this but I am worse than he is. Last year was the first time that I told anyone. I always thought that I was the only girl with this problem. Now I am able to talk about it and face it, and this time I will not push God away. But it needs to stop NOW. For both me and my fiance. I need prayer and advice.

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