DOMINANCE HUMPING: LAYING DOWN AND TAKING IT

“Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces.”---Matthew 7:6 (NKJV)

“Man has sold his soul for time, language, tools, weapons and dominance.”---William S. Bouroughs

Dog: a domesticated canid, Canis familiaris, bred in many varieties; something worthless or of extremely poor quality

Dominance: rule; control; authority; ascendancy; the disposition of an individual to assert control in dealing with others

Off top: Let me just say that I'm not totally sure where I am going with this. After writing an entire book on the “no-no sides of sex” just a couple of weeks ago, I really thought I had exhausted the topic...at least for the time being. Oh, but thanks to the cutest little, what appeared to be toy terrier, I am back...with a vengeance...for a moment...or two.

Dogs in heat have always fascinated me. I mean, that may sound a little weird but whatever. They have. It's intriguing to me how they can go about their business for weeks...months even on end and then all of a sudden, BAM! They are humping on anything and everything that they can. Seemingly on instinct. And while it would appear that one of our legs would suit them just fine, inanimate objects seem to be their preference. Especially things like blankets and pillows (yes, I really have taken notice; hence my stating the fascination). However, until today, I didn't really understand why. I simply figured that they couldn't get what they wanted (another dog) and so they used what they could (whatever was closest).

Oh, but after catching about two minutes of a reality television show today, insights were revealed and questions were semi-answered. I'm assuming that The “Real” Housewives series is what inspired the SOAP Network's latest program, “Southern Belles: Louisville”. I can't really comment on all of those shows one way or another because personally, I am so busy being on my face praying to El-Berith (check it out sometime: http://ldolphin.org/Names.html) about my own (future) family that I try to make it a point to stay in touch with my own reality (Ecclesiastes 7:18). BUT as I was flicking channels, the thing that fascinates me so caught my eye...yet once again.

“Why do they do that?” I heard myself asking again as I watched the dog busily hump while the poor, softy toy whistled---or was it screaming?---in a steady rhythm.

Then I heard someone reply, "This isn't about love, sex or romance...it's about dominance.”

The dog is dominating the softy toy. OK. Wait...THE DOG IS DOMINATING THE SOFTY TOY. Really?!? Alrighty then.

Oh how I wish that I could have seen just five minutes before that portion of the program to understand the full context of the dog expert's advice. It didn't matter. The dog's owner then chimed in, in an almost giddy tone, mind you: “Maybe she gets it from me...I do hump around a lot."

OK look: I don't know if it was for ratings or what, but if you're currently a sexually-active woman, please spare yourself the embarrassment of referring to yourself as “a humper” (thank you). It's not a good look. Next sentence: However, I will say that even in this case, God used her “put on blast” for his good because it was her response that prompted me to write this message.

QUESTION OF THE DAY: How many of us, like the dog---and it would appear also the dog's owner----settle sexually...not because of love, sex or romance, but due to dominance?

Again, I'll just speak for me; after all, it's been pretty darn therapeutic thus far (James 5:16). Back in the day, I must admit that I used to look at my (unhealthy) sexual decisions just like I looked at dogs humping on things: I had the urge...the natural urge and I needed an outlet. But over two years away from my last “dominance hump”, I can honestly say that I agree with the dog expert. Now, let me just say before I continue that the resolve that I'm about to share is for BIBLE BELIEVERS (I Corinthians 2:14). If the Word of God is not what you build your life, relationships or sexual activities upon then this will probably read more like a foreign language transcript. I get it. I don't expect you to agree, but I encourage you to contemplate. The rest of y'all...yeah, sit tight.

So anyway, before I go deeper, let me try and set this up a little better. A couple of days ago, I was having a conversation with someone about why I was waiting until marriage to have sex (again). Plain and simple, it's because the Bible says to:

“Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.”---Hebrews 13:4 (NKJV)

Honestly, for many years, while I knew this, I didn't really care. My natural needs always mattered more to me than what God (a spirit) said my spirit (the part of me that represents his image---Genesis 1:26-27), deserved. Basically, I was a gal in heat and I was gonna get some relief...somewhere. The little terrier used soft, squeaky toys. I used close friends...boyfriends...other people's boyfriends...my hands...porn...whatever. NOT A HUSBAND; not the one that (covenant) love, sex and romance is created for. And so, today I am seeing that my motive was probably the same as the canine: dominance.

John 1:1 says, “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.”

2 Timothy 3:16-17 (NKJV) says, “All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.”

The first commandment in the Ten Commandments is “You must not have any other gods except me” (Exodus 20:3). This means that we are not to make anything an idol. An idol is not just a deity, but “a figment of the mind; fantasy” or “a false conception or notion; fallacy”.

The Amplified Version of John 33:3 says, “Whoever receives His testimony has set his seal of approval to this: God is true. [That man has definitely certified, acknowledged, declared once and for all, and is himself assured that it is divine truth that God cannot lie].”

John 8:43-45 (NKJV) tells us, “Why do you not understand My speech? Because you are not able to listen to My word. You are of your father the devil, and the desires of your father you want to do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own resources, for he is a liar and the father of it. But because I tell the truth, you do not believe Me.”

John 8:31 (NKJV) says, “If you abide in My word, you are My disciples indeed.”

John 15:7 (NKJV) PROMISES, “If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you.”

God's Word says that sex is for married people; that it is a wife and husband who have authority over one another's bodies (I Corinthians 7:4). Because God does not lie, we must accept this to be true and trust that if we abide by this, in time, sex within his will (marriage), if we ask and he agrees, will be granted to us. Therefore, if you are a disciple, fornication and adultery are off the table (and out of the bedroom) period. It's non-negotiable. However, it goes far deeper than that. I Peter 1:15-16 says, “...but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, because it is written, 'Be holy, for I am holy.'” To be “holy” is to be “specially recognized as or declared sacred by religious use or authority; consecrated”; “having a spiritually pure quality” and “entitled to worship or veneration as or as if sacred”. The Word of God commissions us to declare ourselves as consecrated, to have a spiritually pure quality...to be entitled to worship as if sacred (you do see how the lead scripture says don't give what is HOLY to the dogs, right?). This is why the Holy Spirit can dwell in us. Not only does he dwell, but even he reveres us as a TEMPLE; a holy place...a sanctuary...”something regarded as having within it a divine presence”.

You, my friend, are DIVINE. You are GODLIKE. You are HEAVENLY. You SURPASS EXCELLENCE. You are EXTREMELY GOOD and UNUSUALLY LOVELY. You are worthy of a covenant that is full of the praises that is within the Songs of Solomon; one that is consecrated and concentrated with love, sex and romance.

The Enemy knows this. It's his job to steal, kill and destroy this reality; to taint the truth and tell us lies. And so, he works hard by tempting us to be in a place where our natural man tries to dominate the spirit man. Ah-ha! No wonder Galatians 5:17 (NKJV) says the following:

“For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish.”

Lust is just another word for dominance...for control. Love is not controlling. Love doesn't use its powers to rule over people in an unhealthy way. God loves us enough to give us the power to choose. We should love ourselves and those around us (Mark 12:30-31) enough to encourage them to choose LIFE...abundant life (John 10:10). Lust doesn't bring that (James 1:15) and sex outside of covenant is an expression of lust. Lust is simply a way of allowing the natural man to dominate over the spiritual one. Settling for sex outside of the confines of God's Word (and boundaries) is like being the softy toy pawn in the devil's game. You're just lying down and taking defeat. The Enemy doesn't use sex to please you. He uses it to lure you in...so that he can taunt, torture and if at all possible, destroy you. If he needs to package your “pillow” as a boyfriend, even a fiance', then so be it. Just so long as you use it so that he can use you...up.

WOW. All that from watching two-minute (if that) footage of a dog humping a toy? Yep. ALL THAT. I've always loved Matthew 7:6, but the more I think about it...the more I pray over it...the more I heal from it, I realize that I am so much better than the dog or the softy toy.

DOG: I don't want to feel so out of control with my own life (including my sexuality) that I have to take advantage of a weaker vessel: some guy that will allow me to use him because he doesn't understand that he, too, is divine.

TOY: Nor do I want to be so “out of it”, so fixated on the needs of the natural man that I will allow myself to be dominated by a lying spirit; one that will say/do/use whatever it can to destroy me. The dog didn't want to wait on another dog. He wanted to “get his” NOW. A lot of guys in my past didn't want to wait on their covenant partner. I was their softy toy. The truth is that no matter where currently you lay in your situation, if it ain't abstinence, this is an instance where being on the top or the bottom still puts you in a jacked-up position.

Poor little doggy. He doesn't really know any better. YOU DO, THOUGH.

God didn't make you a humper or humpy.

You don't have to lie down and take the compromises that the Enemy dishes out.

You're so much better than that. You're divine.

SIT UP. TAKE NOTICE. ACT LIKE IT.

©Shellie R. Warren/2009