Letter to myself:
You obviously don’t care about me or my life. It’s been 25 long years and you STILL have not given me anything but pain. You came to me when I was scared and alone, and you came to me when I was abused and you came to me when I needed a friend but you lied to me. You don’t want me to be happy. You dont want me to be safe or satisfied. You are selfish and only care about yourself. You jeopardize my work, my marriage, my friendships and my quality of life. You always bring my shame, but you promise me so much. I can’t believe that I believe you. I can’t believe that you always have your way. It’s as if my thoughts or feelings dont even come into the picture and you make me feel worthless. I want what you offer me, but you don’t ever actually give me what you say you will. I want to feel important and satisfied but you leave me empty and alone. I can’t even have my own computer because of you. You want me to cheat on my wife and you want me to go from just fantasizing about other women, to looking at them online, to actually engaging in sex with them and i hate that about you. You are never happy when I masturbate. You always need more. You can’t just have my fantasies, but you take over my entire thoughts. You wont settle for just a little glimpse but you have to binge and feast on pornography. You destroy my confidence, steal my joy and rob me of my life. You make me feel so far from God and you make me think that all he cares about is the fact that I watch porn. But I know the truth, I know that he loves me, I know that I am more then what you would make me out to be. I know that you can NEVER give me what I need, and that you don’t actually want to. You just want to take, and so I am leaving you behind. You are not in control of my life, you are not in control of my marriage and you have NO place here anymore. You have taken enough. You have wasted enough of my time and emotions. I refuse to give you the pleasure that my wife deserves and I refuse to give you my children. You are hereby dismissed and I am taking back the control that you have lorded over me. You make me out to be an animal, like I have no self control and no say in my life. Do you think I’m just going to sit here and watch you destroy everything that I care about? Do you think that I will continue to worship you and give you the glory that rightly belongs to God? Not anymore. I know that I have tried to leave you behind before, but this time its different. I know that I can’t beat you on my own, I know that I am too weak. But the Lord Jesus Christ has died and is risen and he abides in me and through Christ I am more than a conqueror. I am going to let him help me. I am going to ask him to fight this for me until I am strong enough and then we will stand against you together.
Letter from my sex addict:
YOU THINK YOU CAN DO THIS TO ME? DO YOU THINK THAT I WILL JUST LET YOU LEAVE ME!? DONT BE AN IDIOT. YOU NEED ME. YOU WILL NEVER FIND PLEASURE WITHOUT ME. YOU WILL NEVER BE HAPPY WITHOUT ME AND YOU WILL NEVER BE FREE FROM ME. I KNOW WHO YOU ARE. YOU ARE WEAK AND WORTHLESS. YOU NEED PORNOGRAPHY AND YOU NEED TO MASTURBATE AND FANTASIZE. YOU ARE PATHETIC SO I KNOW YOU WILL COME BACK TO ME. I AM THE ONLY PLACE THAT YOU FIND STRENGTH. JESUS DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOU, HE WILL NOT HELP YOU AND HE WILL NOT SAVE YOU. YOU ARE ALONE AND YOU WILL BE BACK BECAUSE YOU NEED ME. YOU NEED WHAT I GIVE YOU. YOU WONT GET IT FROM YOUR WIFE AND GOD WILL NEVER SATISFY YOU. DO YOU ACTUALLY THINK THAT HE CARES ABOUT YOU? HOW COULD HE? LOOK AT YOU! ALL YOU DO IS WATCH PORN ALL DAY, MASTURBATING EVERY CHANCE YOU GET. YOU’RE A LOSER KRIS. GOD IS DONE WITH YOU AND YOUR WILL BE TOO, I WILL MAKE SURE OF THAT. WHEN YOU COME CRAWLING BACK TO ME, I WILL TAKE AWAY EVERYTHING YOU EVER WANTED-YOUR FAMILY, YOUR LIFE, YOUR FRIENDS, YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD. I WILL LEAVE YOU BROKE, LONELY AND MISERABLE. I KNOW YOU WILL BE BACK. SEE YOU SOON.