I’m done. Over. This has to go. My relationship with God is suffering more than I ever could imagine. I’m wondering if he really is there… so you know what? I’m dropping you. I’ve done it before, so why can’t I do it again? Remember that time? Those MONTHS I lived without your constant shadow? I miss them- and I’m getting them back. You’re ugly. A big fat liar.
You tell me I need you to stay afloat. To relieve my stress. To help me fall asleep. To calm me down. But you know what I’ve realized? THOSE ARE LIES. I can’t sleep afterward- I’m too busy thrusting shame upon myself. My stress? It sky rockets with you around. I’m worried if someone will see me. And calming? Yeah- big joke there. I get so ANGRY after I do it. My irritation level rises to a ridiculous level. Why do I allow you that power? NO MORE. And you know what? No more Facebook. It just causes me SO much pain. If someone wants me they can text me. I’m ridding myself of it, for at least a few weeks. I have to. My ETERNITY DEPENDS ON IT. I’m not saying it won’t be hard- in fact this will be the biggest challenge OF MY LIFE. But I’m up for it. God is up for it. This will be an ongoing war- spanning my entire life. I may win battles, and you MIGHT too. But, I can assure you one simple thing. I WILL WIN. Actually, I already have… remember the cross? Yeah- WE beat you. So here are my ways to boot you out for good. Ready for death?
A) I will read my Bible, and spend time in worship at least 4 times a week. (See that? It doesn’t have to nightly. If you miss a night, or even a week. Just pick up and keep going… God never minds a restart.)
B) I will not be tempted by stupid Facebook, or Instragram, or Vine, or Twitter posts, God is so much more worth it.
C) NO MORE movies that even HINT at the act- I’m not strong enough.
D) EVEN IF YOU LOSE A BATTLE, PICK IT UP AGAIN. Remember letter A? Yeah- same thing applies here.
E) I WILL NOT LIE WHEN CONFRONTED ABOUT HOW I AM DOING. IT ONLY MAKES THINGS WORSE.
F) THIS IS WORTH IT.
So, there you have it. Me and you are done for my darling. This will be better for my future husband, kids, and students. THIS WILL MAKE ME BETTER. God is with me, so who can be against me? You will not win. NOT NOW, NOT EVER.
All Of My Hatred,