As we move into June, our focus shifts from celebrating motherhood to honoring fatherhood, recognizing Father’s Day and the men who have served as primary male influences in our lives. However, for men navigating compulsive or unwanted sexual behaviors, Father’s Day can shine a spotlight on the gap between the father they are and the father they want to become. And if that statement resonates with you, take heart. Your healing journey isn’t just about breaking patterns. It also can help you become the kind of father your children need, want, and deserve.
In other words… Your recovery matters deeply, not only for your own well-being, but for theirs.
One thing we all need to recognize is that children sense far more than what they’re told. They pick up on tone, mood, and whether their father is truly present. However, compulsive sexual behaviors can create emotional distance and lead to secrecy, irritability, shame, or withdrawal. And so even if your children don’t know what’s going on, they likely feel the disconnection.
These subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) dynamics can shape how your children learn about trust, safety, love, and what it means to be emotionally available. Left unaddressed, these behaviors can quietly influence the way they relate to themselves and others for years to come.
But here’s the hope…
- Patterns can be broken.
- Legacies can be rewritten.
But that process starts with one simple, courageous act: telling the truth.
That may mean opening up to a therapist, calling a friend, or joining a support group for the first time. And while that moment of honesty may feel small, it’s often the most powerful turning point in a man’s life. This is because this early step isn’t just about managing behaviors but serves as the groundwork for reconnection: with yourself, with others, and with your children.
From there, the work of healing becomes the work of presence.
Recognize that the greatest gift you can give your children isn’t perfection. It’s your presence. They don’t need you to have all the answers. They need to feel that when you’re with them, you’re truly with them and emotionally available.
That kind of presence is built slowly, through consistent growth and inner work. It often starts with small daily practices: asking yourself, “What am I feeling right now?” and sitting with the answer rather than escaping it. Over time, these moments of awareness deepen your ability to respond rather than react, and that’s something your kids will notice.
Support from others is essential here. A therapist or mentor can help you understand the deeper emotions driving your behavior. A men’s group or recovery community offers a space to be known and challenged. These relationships create safety and room for growth because you don’t have to carry the burden of recovery all alone.
That said, as you grow your life will begin to speak louder than your words.
This is important as your children are always watching, not to judge but to learn. This may be especially true of your sons. Understand that many men who struggle with compulsive unwanted sexual behaviors never saw healthy masculinity modeled growing up. Emotional honesty, vulnerability, and healthy boundaries were likely foreign concepts.
But that cycle can end with you.
Your healing allows you to model something different: that real strength includes humility. That being a man is less about control and more about connection. That you don’t need to hide behind anger, distraction, or shame. You show your sons how to be emotionally grounded. You show your daughters what it looks like to feel safe, respected, and seen by a man.
These aren’t lessons you teach with speeches. They’re passed down in your tone of voice, your presence at dinner, and your willingness to say “I was wrong” and make it right.
If this kind of emotional growth feels foreign or overwhelming, start small. Read one book on fatherhood or emotional intelligence. Use a feelings wheel to name what’s happening in your body. Journal for five minutes a day.
These are not just exercises, but bricks for a new foundation.
With time, you’ll find yourself practicing something that becomes a gift to your entire household: emotional health. In recovery, you learn how to name your feelings, regulate your reactions, and honor your limits. You also learn how to respect the boundaries of others. As these skills grow in you, they begin to shape the emotional world of your children. They learn by watching you that it’s okay to have needs, to ask for space, to feel big feelings without fear.
You might catch yourself taking a breath before responding in anger. You might pause to ask your child how they feel, and really listen. These seemingly small moments teach your children that emotions aren’t threats but invitations to connection.
And while growth is never linear or easy, support from a therapist or a supportive community can help you return to the path when you stumble.
That said, if you’ve made mistakes you may wonder if it’s too late.
- Maybe you’ve been emotionally absent.
- Maybe you’re co-parenting.
- Maybe you are currently estranged.
That grief is real. But it doesn’t disqualify you. You may not be able to rewrite the past, but you can shape what comes next. Trust is earned in layers, through time and consistency. Start with age-appropriate honesty that’s grounded in your healing and not your guilt.
Apologize when needed. Stay present. Keep doing the work.
Even a single small step like scheduling a therapy session or attending your first group can ripple forward in ways you’ll never fully see. These actions show your kids what humility looks like. What growth looks like. What love looks like.
Ultimately, some day your children will tell the story of their dad.
What kind of story will they tell?
- Will they remember a man who stayed stuck in silence and self-doubt? Or will they celebrate a man who faced his pain and chose to grow?
- Will they remember a father who shut down?
Or will they talk about the guy who always showed up?
Your healing journey is more than personal. It’s generational. And this Father’s Day, you have the opportunity to begin or continue building a legacy marked not by perfection, but by courage, integrity, and love.
Let your healing be the greatest gift you ever give your children.