No single thing has been more important to my recovery from addiction than the healing I’ve done—and continue to do—around my relationship with women. As I’ve learned, the best way to heal my relationship with the world is by healing my relationships with the people in my daily life.
A dear friend and mentor of mine said early on in my recovery: “Our relationship together is a microcosm of your relationship to the world.” That has proven true, over and over again.
Each core relationship in my life has reflected back to me the exact inner work I needed to do. But none has been more impactful—or more transformative—than my relationship with women. And ultimately, with my wife.
Enter: My Wife
The most incredible woman I’ve ever met. Is she perfect? No. I mean… yes. She’s perfectly flawed—just like me. Was I ready to meet her the moment I got clean and started a decade-long relationship that would lead to marriage and two beautiful sons? Absolutely not.
I needed time. I needed to pause. To heal. To reset my relationship with myself and the world before diving back into romance. That same mentor once suggested: “Before you start dating again, learn how to be a good friend, a good brother, a good son.” So I did.
It wasn’t flashy. It didn’t get me what I thought I wanted—some amazing girlfriend to complete me. But it helped me develop consistency. Integrity. Trust. By showing up for my friends and my family, I started operating at a different frequency. One that eventually allowed me to attract the woman who would become my person.
Baggage Doesn’t Disappear—It Transforms
One thing I’ve learned in recovery: Getting clean doesn’t automatically mean I’ve faced all my demons. I had to look in the mirror. I had to get honest about how I had objectified women for years—how that was a core part of my addiction. Even in recovery, that mindset didn’t vanish overnight. Eventually, it caught up to me. And I had a moment of clarity: I wanted something different. I wanted real love.
So I leaned on one of the most powerful tools I was given in early recovery: “If nothing changes, nothing changes.” If I wanted a new experience, I had to change my behavior. So I made a choice. I stopped dating. For three months. I focused on my recovery. On my growth. On my relationships.
And Then, She Appeared
Three months later, I met her. The most amazing woman I’d ever met. And I courted her—truly courted her. We didn’t rush. We became friends. I asked her questions. I got to know her. And she got to know me. This was the beginning of one of the most profound transformations of my life.
What Love Looks Like Today
Today, my wife and I are true partners. She is my spiritual partner. As one of my acting teachers once said: “A healthy marriage is not two people gazing into each other’s eyes. It’s two people holding hands and facing forward on the path together.”
That’s us.
She is the only woman I’ve ever been completely faithful to. The only woman I’ve ever shared everything with. And that—more than any professional success, any moment of clarity, any milestone—feels like the greatest miracle of my recovery.