One thing that anyone in recovery recognizes is that eventually slip-ups and relapses happen. This is not meant to be discouraging, but rather realistic. The truth is that finding freedom from compulsive and unwanted sexual behaviors is not a simple or quick process. Yet, the reality remains that few things feel more discouraging than a setback.
Slip-ups or relapses can trigger excessive shame, guilt, and that nagging voice that says, “See, you’ll never change.”
But here’s the truth: A setback is not the end of your story.
What matters most is not whether you fell, but how you choose to respond. In fact, many people who experience long-term freedom will tell you that their relapses, while painful, became turning points in their recovery because they learned how to rebound well.
So if you’ve stumbled and ever wondered, “What’s the point?,” here are some practical steps you can take to get back on track and even grow stronger in the process.
- Reach Out to Your Accountability Partner Immediately
The first instinct after a relapse is often to hide. This is because shame whispers, “Don’t tell anyone. Figure it out on your own. You’ll just disappoint people.” But secrecy is the oxygen that keeps addictive patterns alive. That’s why one of the most important steps you can take is to reach out to your accountability partner.
Share honestly about what happened.
Don’t minimize or make excuses.
This isn’t about punishment; it’s about breaking the power of isolation.
Because when you speak the truth to someone who knows your struggle, it releases the weight of secrecy and creates space for encouragement, prayer, and practical support. Often, the act of simply being known is enough to disrupt shame’s grip and help you re-engage the recovery process.
- Don’t Abandon Your Support Community
After a slip-up or relapse, it’s tempting to avoid support group meetings or online communities like Live Free. You may think, “I don’t belong there anymore,” or, “Everyone else is doing better than me.” But nothing could be further from the truth.
Your support community or recovery group, like the ones we offer through Small Groups Online, isn’t for people who never struggle. It’s for people who are committed to the process of growth, setbacks included.
By showing up after a fall, you’re actually strengthening your recovery muscles. You’re proving to yourself that connection matters more than shame. Remember, the people in your group understand what relapse feels like.
They don’t need you to be perfect; they need you to be present.
- Do a Post-Mortem Analysis (Preferably with Your Therapist)
Instead of treating relapse as a vague “failure,” dig into it as a learning opportunity. Sit down with your therapist, mentor, or even just a journal, and do a post-mortem analysis.
Ask:
- What were the emotions, thoughts, or stressors that led up to this moment?
- Were there triggers I didn’t recognize or ignored?
- What could I do differently next time?
This isn’t about self-condemnation. It’s about gaining clarity. Relapse usually doesn’t come out of nowhere. By identifying patterns and vulnerabilities, you can make practical adjustments to strengthen your defenses going forward.
If you don’t currently have a therapist, at the very least take time to reflect on your own and write down what you learn. The more specific your insights, the more empowered you’ll feel to respond differently in the future.
- Make Adjustments, Even Small Ones
Awareness is important, but change requires action. After you’ve identified the factors that contributed to your relapse, make at least one concrete adjustment. That might look like:
- Setting up better boundaries on your devices.
- Building in a daily check-in with your accountability partner.
- Adjusting your sleep schedule to avoid late-night vulnerability.
- Adding a healthy outlet like exercise or journaling to reduce stress.
Even small adjustments can have a big impact. The point isn’t to overhaul your life in one day. Rather, it’s to make steady, intentional, and incremental changes that reduce the likelihood of repeating the same cycle.
- Recognize Where Growth Has Already Happened
A relapse or slip-up has a way of blinding us to the progress we’ve already made. But it’s vital to pause and ask: Am I further along than I used to be?
- Maybe you “blew it” after months of sobriety rather than days.
- Maybe you recognized it faster.
- Maybe you reached out for help instead of hiding.
These are not excuses. They’re evidence of growth, even if the process is messy. Because recovery isn’t about perfection. It’s about direction. Noticing how far you’ve come keeps you motivated to keep moving forward.
- Refuse to Spiral Into Shame
Shame says: “This relapse defines you. You’ll never change.” Grace says: “You are still in process. You are still worthy of healing.”
Always remember…
- You are not the sum of your mistakes.
- You are a work in progress.
And progress often includes setbacks. The danger isn’t in stumbling; it’s in letting shame convince you to stay down.
So instead of spiraling, remind yourself that every day is a new opportunity. God’s mercy is new each morning, and so is your chance to grow. Recovery isn’t about never falling. It’s really about learning how to rise again and again until standing becomes your new normal.
In the end, a relapse or slip-up doesn’t erase your progress. It’s a painful bump in the road, but it can also become a powerful teacher if you allow it to be. By reaching out to your accountability partner, staying plugged into your support community, processing what happened, making adjustments, and refusing to live in shame, you’ll not only rebound…you’ll actually grow stronger.
Remember: you are not aiming for perfection. You are aiming for progress. And progress, even slow progress, is still movement forward.
Stay patient. Stay persistent. And keep going. You’re growing more than you think.