For me, the New Year brings a mixture of excitement, hope, and more than a bit of anxiety. There is the possibility of setting new goals, starting new habits and trying to break some bad ones. And that’s where the fear and the tension exist. Yes, it’s a new year, but how am I going to change the same old behaviors? Especially when it comes to my own recovery, I find using willpower alone usually only lasts about as long as a couch potato does when they are trying to stick to a goal of getting into “the best shape of their lives.” After a few months at the gym, you’re back on the sofa eating bags of chips. It’s often not a lasting change.
So as I entered this year, I tried to think of how I can grow in my recovery journey in 2026. I’ve realized I need to focus less on wins and losses when it comes to behavior modification (i.e. I didn’t look at porn or masturbate this week so I must be doing great) and look deeper. For me there are a number of things that often drive my unwanted sexual behavior. But I’ve decided to focus on a few in the new year that have to do with the battle for my mind.
One is looking at the stories I tell myself or how I feel about myself in general. Do I feel loved, valued and have a sense of my own worth outside of my performance at work, or how I am doing as a husband and father? If I’m honest, I don’t always feel my own sense of value and this can leave me vulnerable to believing lies about myself, others and even God.
For this reason, one of my goals for the New Year is to implement affirmations – statements which affirm my worth, value and the truth about myself. There is a great deal of research about the power of affirmations and how saying them positively can impact our brains and overall wellbeing (see this article¹ for more information about the benefits of affirmations).
For me I try to avoid feel good fluff statements which have no basis in reality – (such as “I’m better than Lebron James at basketball” or “Everyone I meet will like me”). My aim is to ground myself in what I know to be true. As a Christian, I often make my affirmations based on scripture. For example, if I feel like I don’t feel like I have a lot of value at a particular moment because I screwed up at work or said something stupid to my wife (again), I can speak an affirmation of my own worth based out of the Bible, such as Roman’s 5:82 – that God demonstrated his love for my in that even while I was a sinner Christ died for me. This reminds me of God’s immense love for me, that even at a time in my life when I could care less about doing the right thing, he still sent Jesus to die on a cross in my place. It’s this type of affirmation that reminds me of my own sense of worth, no matter the circumstances I am in.
Another area of recovery I am focusing on is the lies I listen to that feed my unwanted sexual behaviors. Like the lie “It’s just one time, you’ve been doing so good – reward yourself!” Or the whisper in my mind that “I need to do this right now and I’m powerless to stop myself.”
If I feel like a situation is too difficult to handle and I am tempted to act out, I can paraphrase the encouraging words of Paul in 1 Corinthians 10:133 into an affirmation statement: “No temptation happens to me that isn’t unlike what everyone else faces. And God is faithful not to let me be tempted beyond what I can handle, but will provide a way out.” I need to reinforce in my mind that I have a choice, no matter how tempted I feel, and that God provides a way out – whether it’s going for a walk, checking in on the Live Free app with my small group, or calling my wife.
Of course, affirmations only have power if you say them out loud, believe them and then act on what they say. There is something powerful about speaking the truth out loud. If you plan to try affirmations, I encourage you to make them your own – what I mean is really examine the things you believe about yourself. Write them down. If nothing else, it’s a good exercise to evaluate what is true about yourself and how you see the world. (I want to stress that if religious faith is not part of your recovery journey, that’s completely okay, I still encourage you to try making your own affirmations – even if it is something as simple as “I have worth and value as a man”). And if you don’t have a clue about the Bible or don’t know what you believe about God, don’t feel ashamed. Maybe embracing faith will be part of your recovery journey!
My encouragement to you (and myself) this year, is to focus on changing your mindset, not just your behavior. I hope that speaking affirmations will become part of your recovery toolbelt in 2026. If you do plan to use them, I highly recommend picking a time and a place to say them out loud daily. (In the past, I said them in my car on the way to work). And stick to a few, I found working on more than 2-3 at a time can be too much! Focus on a few and then when you feel the idea has sunk into your head enough, try a few new ones. Hoping that you and I make great progress in our recovery journey in 2026!
- The Benefits of Positive Affirmations. Well Spring Center for Prevention, July 2024. https://wellspringprevention.org/blog/the-benefits-of-positive-affirmations/
- Romans 5:8, New International Version, 2011. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
1 Corinthians 10:13 New International Version, 2011. No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.