Last Friday was January 9th, a day that has become dubiously recognized as National Quitters Day.
Why?
Because it’s the day when gym memberships start gathering dust, meal prep containers get shoved to the back of the fridge, and those ambitious New Year’s resolutions begin their quiet fade into memory. In other words, it’s a day that symbolizes giving up.
The statistics tell a familiar story. Most people abandon their resolutions within the first two weeks of the year, victims of overly ambitious goals or what researchers call “resolution fatigue,” that exhausting cycle of setting high expectations, falling short, and feeling defeated.
But here’s what makes this pattern particularly damaging for those of us working toward freedom from unwanted behaviors: early failure doesn’t just derail our plans. Rather it triggers a cascade of destructive self-talk.
- One slip becomes evidence that “I’m hopeless.”
- A moment of weakness proves “I’m a loser.”
- A return to old patterns confirms “I’ll never change.”
These aren’t just negative thoughts. They’re narratives that shape our identity and determine whether we keep moving forward or give up entirely.
But what would happen if we completely reframed how we think about failure?
What if failure isn’t a sign of how weak you are, but simply a sign that the work isn’t done yet? What if each setback is actually a clue pointing toward what still needs attention?
This isn’t just positive thinking or motivational fluff. This is recognizing a fundamental truth about how real, lasting change actually happens.
Consider the story of Henry Ford. Before revolutionizing the automobile industry and becoming one of the wealthiest men in America, Ford’s first two automotive companies failed completely, leaving him bankrupt. His third attempt, that being Ford Motor Company, literrally changed the world.
But those early “failures” weren’t evidence he should quit. They were part of his education in what worked and what didn’t.
This same pattern shows up everywhere you look.
- Milton Hershey started three candy companies that failed before Hershey’s became a household name.
- Walt Disney’s first animation studio went bankrupt.
- Colonel Sanders was rejected over 1,000 times before finding success with KFC.
Here’s the point: failure is often an essential part of any ultimately successful enterprise.
This truth hold true whether you’re launching a business, learning a new skill, or working toward freedom from compulsive behaviors.
So then the question isn’t whether you’ll experience setbacks. The question is how you’ll respond when they happen.
When you face a setback in your recovery journey, you have a choice. You can spiral into depression, shame, and ultimately defeat. Or you can engage with what happened in ways that actually move you toward healing.
Here are five alternative ways you can approach your “failures:”
- Get Curious Instead of Critical
Rather than immediately condemning yourself, ask questions: What was happening in the hours before the behavior? What were you feeling? What need were you trying to meet? Curiosity opens the door to understanding; criticism slams it shut. Your setback contains valuable information about your emotional landscape, but only if you’re willing to explore it without judgment.
- Map Your Triggers and Patterns
Recognize that each setback reveals something about your unique struggle. Start documenting what you notice: times of day, emotional states, relational dynamics, stress levels.
With this practice you’re not cataloging failures. You’re identifying the specific conditions that make you vulnerable. And can help transform abstract “willpower problems” into concrete situations you can prepare for and navigate differently.
- Expand Your Emotional Vocabulary
Most of us operate with a limited emotional vocabulary. In other words, we know we feel “bad” or “stressed,” but we can’t articulate the specifics. After a setback, practice naming what you were actually experiencing.
Were you…
- Lonely?
- Anxious?
- Overwhelmed?
- Bored?
- Feeling inadequate?
Because the more precisely you can identify your emotional state, the better equipped you’ll be to address the actual need instead of medicating it with behavior.
- Connect Rather Than Isolate
Shame’s first move is always to isolate you. It whispers that you’re uniquely broken and no one would understand. But isolation is where shame thrives and healing dies. After a setback, resist the urge to withdraw. Reach out to someone safe such as a friend, therapist, support group, or mentor.
You don’t need to share every detail, but breaking the isolation breaks shame’s power.
- Revisit Your “Why”
In the immediate aftermath of failure, it’s easy to forget why you started this journey in the first place. Take time to reconnect with your deeper motivation.
- What kind of person do you want to become?
- What relationships do you want to nurture?
- What future are you working toward?
Your setback doesn’t erase your “why.” It just temporarily obscured it. Bringing it back into focus can reignite your commitment to the process.
Ultimately, National Quitters Day exists because we’ve been conditioned to view failure as final… as proof that we’re not cut out for change. But every entrepreneur who eventually succeeded, every athlete who broke records, and every person who found freedom from compulsive behaviors had to learn the same lesson:
Failure isn’t the end of the story. It’s often just the middle.
The work isn’t done. But that’s not a problem, it’s simply where you are in the process. And tomorrow, you get to choose how you engage with that process again.