I always enjoy learning new information and strategies that will help me in my recovery journey. Recently, I learned about a theory in neuropsychology that underscores why having healthy, positive relationships – like those I have developed through my Small Group Online group – can help heal and regulate a part of our nervous system.
In one of the monthly videos in the Live Free recovery app, Carl Thomas discussed the importance of safety in our recovery journeys and touched on Polyvagel theory and how it can apply to our healing journey.
Curious, I did a little more research into Polyvagel theory, and learned that it emphasizes the role our autonomous nervous system (ANS) plays in regulating our health and behavior.¹ One of the interesting points of this theory is that when our ANS has experienced chronic stress or trauma, this part of our brain can become dysregulated, causing it to send signals of danger when we are actually safe. Our body experiences the physiological symptoms preparing for “fight or flight”, because this part of our nervous system has difficulty separating our unsafe past from our safe present.²
This type of response from our ANS can be a major trigger for acting out with unwanted sexual behavior. The fight or flight response triggered by our nervous system can cause us to feel unsafe in the situation we are in. This often leads to wanting to escape from the feelings and engage in unwanted sexual behavior. Simply knowing and recognizing what our nervous system is doing and how it can be a trigger to acting out is in itself vital information.
However, we can also apply Polyvagal theory in a positive way by engaging in healthy activities and interacting with healthy, supportive people to help bring healing to our autonomic nervous system. One is through co-regulation, a process by connecting with others who are in a healthy emotional state, can actually help retrain our ANS . Building positive relationships, such as in a church, working on a team, or recovery small group, help us reduce stress and feel more secure. According to Polyvagal theory, these positive relationships can help to soothe our nervous systems.³
But how do we find supportive people, especially when it comes to our recovery? One incredible resource I have found is Small Groups Online. These groups have played a vital role in my own recovery. The key for me was committing to the groups and my own healing. Once I was willing to do that, my healing journey really began.
Since I have started regularly attending these groups in 2018, I have found not only accountability, but support and growth I could not experience anywhere else. These weekly online groups provide a supportive environment where I have been able to share my struggles, failures and victories with a group of guys who I know are going through many of the same things. My own group includes men from a variety of ages, life stages (single, married, separated) and different life backgrounds. We all share one thing in common: a desire to be free from our unwanted sexual behavior and to become the men God designed us to be.
In our groups we laugh, cry and pray for one another. Each man has a chance to share about his week (using a series of questions to guide the discussion), after which the group leader and the other group members can offer support and encouragement. Then one of the members prays for the guy who just shared.
I have seen tremendous growth in so many areas of my life since joining these groups. Yes, I have made significant progress in my recovery, but also in emotional maturity and self-awareness. They have helped me to become a better father and husband. These groups are also a great place to share new information and resources with others (I plan on sharing Polyvagal theory with my own small group).
If you are on the fence about joining a Small Groups Online recovery group – my encouragement is do it! It is worth every penny. These groups have been a huge part of my healing journey, and I hope they can be for yours as well.
Citations
1, 3. “What is Polyvagal Theory”, Polyvagal Institute, 2025. https://www.polyvagalinstitute.org/whatispolyvagaltheory
2. Trauma and the Nervous System: A polyvagal perspective. The Polyvagal Institute
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uH5JQDAqA8E&list=TLGGs778TJPLSswyODAyMjAyNg&t=435s