A Stage-of-Life Guide to Honest Talks With Kids

If you’re like most parents, the thought of sitting your child down for “the talk” might make you break out in a cold sweat. Maybe you’ve been putting it off because you don’t feel ready, or maybe you’re hoping school will take care of it for you (spoiler alert: that’s not a good plan).

However, despite the discomfort, there is some good news.

You don’t need to have one big, terrifying, all-or-nothing conversation. In fact, you shouldn’t. Talking with your kids about sex, pornography, and digital safety works best when it’s a series of smaller conversations spread throughout their growing-up years. Think of it as an ongoing rhythm in your family life, not a one-time performance.

And here’s the other thing: it’s less about age and more about maturity.

Understand that kids grow at different paces, and what a seven-year-old is ready for might completely overwhelm a five-year-old. Additionally, not every seven-year-old is ready for the same talk. Still, it helps to have some rough age ranges as a guide, so you don’t end up explaining pornography to your preschooler or skipping over important conversations with your teen.

With that said, here are some rough guidelines to help guide your talks.

3 to 6 Years Old

When your kids are little, it’s not so much about “the birds and the bees.” Rather, it’s about laying a foundation. This is where you start teaching them the correct names for body parts. And yes, that means saying “penis” and “vagina” instead of making up cute names like “pee-pee.” (If you just cringed, you’re not alone. Most parents do.)

But here’s the deal: using real words helps kids understand their bodies in a healthy way and signals that these topics aren’t off-limits or shameful. You’re also introducing the basics of privacy and respect, as well as what parts are private and why other people shouldn’t touch them.

6 to 9 Years Old

As kids move into the six-to-nine range, curiosity starts to expand… rapidly. This is when you’ll likely hear questions about pregnancy such as “How do babies get in there?” or “How do they get out?”

This doesn’t mean you have to go into graphic detail. But you can give honest, age-appropriate answers. This is also a great time to explain that sex is a good and intentional part of God’s design for marriage. You don’t need to make it weird, just straightforward. Remember, if you dodge or joke your way out of uncomfortable questions, they’ll just ask Google or AI. And trust me, you don’t want either teaching your child about sex.

9 to 12 Years Old

Around this time of life, the stakes begin to rise. Thanks to phones, tablets, and gaming consoles, this is the window when many kids stumble across pornography for the first time. It’s relatively unavoidable.

So the best strategy is to be proactive.

Explain what pornography is, why it looks appealing, and why it’s actually harmful. Be clear that it distorts intimacy, damages how we see relationships, and doesn’t reflect God’s design. This is also when the topic of masturbation may come up. And even if it doesn’t, you probably should begin that conversation.

The truth is that many voices in culture talk about masturbation (and even porn) as a healthy thing. But you can seize the opportunity to explain that while masturbation might bring temporary pleasure, it’s not a good long-term practice and can even lead to problematic habitual behaviors.

By the way, this is also a great age to teach digital safety basics such as don’t click on suspicious links, don’t share personal information, and if something online feels off, it probably is—so come straight to you.

12 to 15 Years Old

Ahhh, the teenage years. Please rescue us all because this is where things get really interesting. By now, your child may have crushes, face peer pressure, or even start dipping a toe into the world of dating. This is your prime chance to talk openly about what healthy relationships look like, addressing topics such as:

• Mutual respect.

• Real communication.

• Why sex is not a good way to gain approval.

• That “no” means “no.”

• The benefits of waiting until marriage.

You’ll also need to address sexting, oversharing online, and the reality that many of their friends see pornography as “no big deal.”

15 to 18 Years Old

As kids hit fifteen to eighteen, your role shifts from manager to coach. The reality is they’re nearing adulthood, and you can’t make decisions for them anymore. However, what you can do is continue to reinforce the values you’ve been teaching them all along, such as monogamy, waiting for marriage, and approaching relationships with respect and intentionality.

You can also prepare them for independence by talking about setting boundaries, protecting themselves in a digital world, and revisiting the importance of consent.

Now, here’s the most important thing: these conversations never really stop.

They evolve. You’re not ticking boxes on a checklist—you’re building trust over years. Answer their questions honestly. Bring up topics before you think they’ll encounter them. Keep reminding them of your family’s values. And, maybe most importantly, keep your cool when they ask something awkward.

Because when you treat these talks as a normal part of family life and not as emergencies or one-time lectures, you help your kids grow into adults who are informed, grounded, and confident. The truth is that the world is throwing all kinds of confusing messages at them all the time, but your steady, honest presence can give them a compass they can trust.

So, don’t stress about “having the talk.” Instead, have many little talks. Start early, keep it going, and let your kids know they can always come to you. Because at the end of the day, it’s not just about talking to them about sex and porn. It’s about shaping how they see relationships, respect, and God’s good design for love.