Accountability can be a dreaded word for some people.
Especially if we’ve isolated ourselves as we continue to struggle. We don’t want someone else knowing our business, particularly when it comes to addictive or shameful behaviors, and especially in the church. It seems easier to put on a happy face, and respond, “I’m fine, things are good,” when asked how we’re doing.
I dug in my heels and didn’t want to go to my small group. I didn’t want to tell the truth of my life and marriage. I didn’t want to face the truth of my choices. When I’d call my friend on my way to group, she’d ask, “You going to torture group tonight?” She knew how much I hated going. But it was time to take a deep look at myself and invest time and hard work to change and improve my life.
Being slow to change, I saw and felt the importance of becoming accountable to a small group of safe people who wouldn’t judge me. They didn’t placate me, or simply encourage me. They challenged me to think deeper, create healthy boundaries, and stand up for myself and speak honestly. They showed me how to live an aligned and transparent life. The greatest benefit? I made some friends for life.
It took connecting weekly with those I felt safe with for me to tell myself the truth about how I felt and clearly expressing those feelings. For too many years I’d learned to create a separate truth to feel safe in my mind and body.
As women who love and live with men who struggle with porn and lust, we tend to hide. But we also need accountability. Acting like everyone and everything is okay isn’t helping us or any of our relationships. Instead, we need to ACT: practice accountability, accept change, and tell the truth.
We must ACT to live a free life.
A – Accountability
Accountability is defined as: the fact or condition of being accountable; responsibility. Being accountable means we tell the truth and own our unhealthy decisions and their natural consequences. Taking responsibility for our words, choices, and actions and telling people who support us gives us courage to keep going.
C – Change
Consistent intentionality and mindfulness are required to make lasting changes. We have power to make different choices than we’ve been making. Better choices equal better habits and ultimately a better life. Foundational to having the capacity for change is accepting we are loved.
T – Truth
Telling the truth and living in truth are the greatest gifts you’ll give yourself and those around you. Identifying and speaking honestly to those who prove they care about our well-being make all the difference. When we are no longer hiding, distracting ourselves, or medicating our pain we carry a lighter load.
When we feel alone, ashamed, and shattered we need a community who “gets it.” That’s what our Live Free Wives and Live Free communities are all about. As we walk our healing journeys, we support one another and hold each other accountable. I have facilitated these types of groups for many years and seen first-hand the miraculous freedom experienced when people get honest, perhaps for the first time, about their marriages and their struggles.
Joining a Small Group Online offers accountability and realize the value of not being alone in their pain.
Today is the day to choose to ACT differently and experience true freedom!