Pornography is simply a fantasy world. It is not real nor is it based on a real relationship or commitment. It takes God’s beauty and turns it into something degrading and dirty. However, for most of my marriage I lived in the shadows of pornography. I lived feeling as if I were second best to all the fantasy images and never truly felt as if I could ever measure up to my husband’s expectations, desires, and wants. I lived my life believing a lie.
This lie pushed me into a deep black hole in which I could not pull myself out of. With each passing day I slipped further and further into that hole. That deep dark hole created emotions in me such as loneliness, anger, worthlessness and complete inadequacy as a wife and as a person. I had no clue what to do or who to turn too. I felt so small living in the shadows of pornography and never feeling good enough or beautiful enough for my husband. I was truly dying on the inside and I was in need of a solution!
Thank God, He became my solution! He began slowly pulling me up out of that deep hole in which I was stuck. He slowly began to teach me who I truly was and who He created me to be. I began to learn all about the lie of pornography. You see, I learned that God created me beautifully and wonderfully complex. I am unique and there is no other in this universe quite like me. However, pornography is an ugly fantasy and it is Satan’s playground that he uses to destroy marriages, families and individual lives daily. When I learned the truth about pornography I was able to begin renewing my mind to the Truth. I slowly began believing what His word tells me about myself. I accomplished this by meditating on His word daily. Meditating on His word helped me to gain a new outlook of myself. I began speaking His truths about myself and slowly my self-esteem became restored. I spoke truths such as I am His masterpiece and He knew me before He even created me! Wow, that’s powerful!
Spouses, you are God’s masterpiece, beautifully, and wonderfully made! I encourage you to speak these words out loud daily. Your words have power. God’s word says, “Life and death are in the power of the tongue and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.” So if you speak words of life over yourself, you will gain life. If you speak death, you will gain death. God’s word is life; the world’s words are death. You have a choice which types of words you are going to speak into your life.
Speak this over yourself daily and begin renewing your mind (Romans 12:2):
I am God’s masterpiece (Ephesians 2:10).
You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous – and how well I know it! You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You knit me together in my mother’s womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in Your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are your thoughts about me, O God! They cannot be numbered! (Psalm 139:13-17)
By the grace of God I am what I am, it is all because God poured out his special favor on me—and not without results. (1 Cor. 15:10)
I am deeply loved, fully pleasing, totally forgiven, accepted, and complete in Christ!
I pray as you read these verses, they will begin to take root in your heart and you will begin to fully understand how wide, how long, how high, and how deep God’s love truly is for you! (Eph. 3:18) I also want to encourage you to get a good support group around you. Do not isolate yourself from others. We were created for relationships. Grab onto a support group, a counselor, a friend or someone that you can share your pain with. Start your healing journey today and know that YOU are not to be compared. You are beautiful… you are real… and you have incredible value!