I’m Having an Affair

Online Resources, Support, and Community for Those Struggling
with Porn and Sexual Integrity

We’re proud of you… but not because you’re having an affair – that is definitely not something we would endorse here. Rather, we are proud of you for coming here and having the integrity to admit it.

You being here is a big step.

However, we would encourage you not to make this your only step. You obviously have a lot on your mind and much going on in your world; an affair is not something that anyone can untangle themselves from easily.

It wasn’t just one “wrong turn” that landed you in this spot. Most likely it was through a series of internal choices and external factors that resulted in your unfortunate circumstance.

Basic Advice

Choose a better path.

It is time to honor your spouse (if you’re the one married) and/or the spouse of the person with whom you’re having an affair (if they’re married). The road you’ve been traveling on ultimately leads nowhere at best, or to total destruction at worst. And that road is going to be filled with eventual heartache; the later you wait to abandon that road, the more heartache it will entail.

Perhaps you’ll find this to be encouraging, though: one thing we’ve seen time and again are couples who have either had affairs or who are married to someone who had an affair – and they’ve gotten through it.

It’s tough.
It’s heartbreaking.
It requires a ton of work.

But it’s worth it.

Here are some practical steps that we recommend you take:

Counseling: We would definitely recommend that you seek counseling, whether that’s through your church or through a licensed professional counselor. This is something that’s going to require guidance; please don’t try to figure this all out on your own.

Get accountable: Confession is only the first step. Finding a good accountability partner is critical. In fact, it’s wise even for those who have not had an affair. Seeking out a good accountability partner is a process and not something that one does on your behalf. Affairs and moral failures usually start out in secret. Accountability is about being transparent so there are no more secrets. If you aren’t sure of who you can to turn to, try the Live Free Community.

Communicate: Rebuild the communication in your marriage through love and acts of service. Counseling is a great beginning to the road of healing but trust is going to happen through fostering intimacy through relationship and communication with your spouse.

Come clean: At some point restoration will require disclosure to the one(s) you’ve hurt. Realize that opting to travel the noble path is a difficult choice, and it may mean that you will have to face the very unfortunate consequences of your actions. But complete healing requires that we own our choices and seek forgiveness.

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