My Kid Is Looking at Porn

Online Resources, Support, and Community for Those Struggling
with Porn and Sexual Integrity

Yes, this sucks, but please take our word for it: everything is going to be okay.

The fact that you caught it now, while your kid is still a kid, is a game-changer.

And while this discovery is shocking, unsettling, and enough to send you off screaming into the night, recognize that no one solution will protect your family 100% from the invading elements of porn.

We don’t live in boxes and there is going to come a time when pornography makes its way into your families life. The hope, however, is to mitigate its influence and impact as best as possible.

Make sure your kids know your values. Ask yourself the following questions:

  • Does my family have a healthy (and biblical if applicable) view of sexuality?
  • Do my kids know I value these same things when it comes to sex, sexuality, and relationships?
  • Do my kids have an understanding of what pornography is and how to reject it immediately if they see it?
  • Do my kids feel comfortable talking with me about all things related to sex and sexuality?
  • Are you giving a lecture or engaging in questions and dialogue when you discuss these subjects with your kids?

If you’re able to answer yes to most or all of these questions you are well on your way to porn-protecting your home.

Basic Advice

Block or Filter Access Points

What are you doing to block access to pornography? Communication is by far the most important tool when protecting your home but it doesn’t hurt to have some tools that help you stop porn from ever entering your home.

Recognize where the points of access are in your home. These include a variety of locations – most of them found online. The obvious culprit is going to be mobile devices. Having a game plan for when your kids receive their first device should be well thought out. Remember, the most common point of entry for first-time porn exposure is through mobile devices. So knowing how they will be used before they are ever in your kid’s possession is important.

If your kids already have a device then be sure to use the parental controls on the device. Also, limit the number of apps they can have on the device at one time. This better helps you (and them) manage what is coming and going. I might also consider removing the browser, social media channels, and YouTube from the phone till you feel they are ready.

Encourage your kids to be open and honest with you about what apps they use on their phones or tablets. For some families, a “no secret password” policy works, where family members either forego the use of passwords on their devices or share their passwords with you, the parent.

From time to time, take an inventory of which apps your family members have downloaded, what they seem to spend the most time on, and what the purpose or content of the app entails.

You might want to also consider Netflix, Hulu, and other similar accounts. Most services have filters or kid-friendly channels. Hulu has parental controls, so does Netflix, Amazon, and Sling. Take the extra time to set up filters and controls to keep your family safe.

We also recommend a software (now in use by over 1 million people) called X3watch that alerts you when someone looks at porn on your computer. Though it’s meant more for peer-to-peer accountability, it’s still a pretty good way for parents to know what’s going on with their kids and whether they’ve gone somewhere on a computer they shouldn’t go.

Consider How You Spend Time With Your Kids

Often we spend time with our kids on our terms at the places we choose. However, this may take away opportunities for us to enter their world and learn about other points of access.

For instance, video games are a popular way kids spend time playing. Sit down and play the games with your kids, or at least watch them play. This will help you make sure the game complies with your family standards. Also, be smart about which games you let your children play. Use the ESRB ratings (“E for Everyone,” “T for Teen,” etc.), but be sure to use it wisely. Even a Teen rating on a game may not be suitable for teens in your home.

The same could be said of books, music, or television shows. Take time to enter their world and listen to what they are hearing and watch what they are seeing.

Still Feeling a Little Overwhelmed?

Hey that’s ok. It’s natural and no one is expecting you to turn things around overnight. Make sure you check out some of the resources we recommend below which will help you greatly in your efforts.

Don’t worry.
You got this.

And we are here for you along the way.

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