“You don’t just ‘treat addiction’. You end up treating things like anxiety, depression, PTSD, loneliness, rage, despair, toxic family secrets, regret, undiagnosed head trauma, untreated ADHD, etc. Only then do we realize that addiction is often someone’s best attempt to cope when they didn’t see any other options.”
This quote by Dr. Glenn Doyle has long guided my work with those who struggle with addiction. I think it allows us to meet ourselves and our struggles with more honesty and compassion; don’t you?
So often addiction carries stigma and shame. When we think of addiction, whether we like to admit it or not we usually all get a picture in our heads of what that looks like in a person. But did you know that it doesn’t discriminate? As a therapist, I’ve sat across from people who are more educated than me, who make far more money than me, and yes who are fellow mental health or even addiction professionals.
There are so many factors like genetics, environment, life events, personality type, etc. that influence our likelihood at developing an addictive behavior. If you notice, many of those are things we aren’t in control of!
Now let me clarify; this doesn’t eliminate us from all responsibility. Once we are aware we struggle with something, we become responsible for managing it and seeking the help we need! Do we see though how understanding what we struggle with is driven by, changes the narrative? If I think that addiction is my fault and I must be a bad person, that’s shame driven. If I understand that addiction is driven by things like trauma, mental health, genetics, etc., then I understand it isn’t about whether I’m a bad person or not.
As a therapist I present what’s called “the disease model of addiction”. I show clients how addiction works in different areas of the brain, which is an organ just like your heart or liver. This can help them understand that rather than a moral failure, it’s a coping skill that we developed for something that our brain and body didn’t know what to do with that was distressing.
I think understanding what’s behind our struggle and changing the narrative also allows us to seek out more help. Think about it. How often has shame kept you from speaking up about things in your life?
The “me, too” movement comes to mind. The amount of courage the first person had to have was enormous. That’s not to say that each person who came forward about abuse didn’t have to have immense courage, but it’s like a domino effect. The reports came pouring in after the first person. Have you ever had a situation where you found the courage to show vulnerability in a room and then someone else shared a similar experience? What did you feel? I would venture to guess one of the things was relief.
I used to be a group therapist in a rehab program. I can tell you that the most powerful part of group therapy had nothing to do with me or my presence. It was sitting back and allowing group members to share their stories, being able to see and hear from someone they finally related to.
My encouragement for you as we start this year is this; as we start a new year; let this be a year where you give yourself the chance to make change. Find a community or at least one other person you choose to share your story with. There are therapists, support groups, bible studies, maybe even people in your circle who are waiting to help. You just might find that they relate to you more than you think.