Yeah. Well…

Every once in awhile, I’ll come across something that’s so ridiculous that I want to comment on it (mostly because it’s not always packaged as ridiculous and people will actually be tempted to fall for it). Today is one of those times. I won’t be mentioning the name of the book or the author (cause I don’t want to help his book sales), but I do want to address some “slick deceit” (John 8:44) that seems to be going on….whether you watch porn or not.

There’s a porn star who, according to him, has been in over 1000 flicks to date. That saddened me right there, although, from the review that I read, he seems to be pretty proud of himself (pride will do that to a person-Proverbs 16:18). Anyway, because of his, um, skills, he has now written a how-to so that we can be just as, um, good as he is. Here’s an excerpt from the author’s introduction:

“I listened, learned, and made changes that made a lasting impression on my co-stars, directors, and the public. I became a better lover and performer not only because gave my lovers what they wanted, but because when I failed it only drove me harder to succeed…”

And here is an excerpt from the person who reviewed the book:

“But no, _____________ reveals a sensitive side in this comprehensive opus which touches on every area of human sexuality you could think of, and then some. The book is broken up into 16 chapters ranging from conventional behavior like kissing and the missionary position all the way to bizarre practices including group sex and sadomasochism.”

Now anyone who knows me knows that I enjoy a good debate. But when it comes to spiritual matters (and sex would most certainly qualify), I am learning that the Word needs no defending. With that said, “Do not answer a fool according to his folly, lest you also be like him. Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own eyes. He who sends a message by the hand of a fool cuts off his own feet and drinks violence.” (Proverbs 26:4-6) Calling this man a “fool” is not really my agenda…but what he’s doing, yeah, it’s quite foolish. Not just participating in sexual sin (Hebrews 13:4) but then encouraging others to do the same under the guise of learning how to be a “better lover”.

A wise man once said, “A great lover is a man who romances the same woman for a lifetime.” And yes, while I am aware that one definition of “lover” is “a person who has a sexual relationship with another” (whether in marriage or not), I want to encourage you to not be a better lover but the RIGHT LOVER; the kind who is actually in love with another person. The kind that honors what the Lord says about sexual relations:

Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband.”—I Corinthians 7:1-3 (NKJV)

I get into this discussion with my sexually-active male friends often. Now, I’m 36 not 23 and so the topic of marriage comes up quite a bit in my social circles. When I ask my friends why they are not married, they respond with, “I’m not ready” and yet, they are often rushing me off of the phone to spend the night with some girl. IF YOU’RE NOT READY FOR MARRIAGE, YOU’RE NOT READY FOR SEX and yes, it’s just that simple (not easy, but simple).

I often joke around and tell people that I don’t need a manual on how to be a great lover to my future husband. Proverbs 3:6 says that if I acknowledge the Lord in all of my ways, he will direct me. Yes, yes. There is truth in all humor. The Lord knows you and your (future) mate between than even the two of you do. You think he is ignorant to what pleases you both?

Being that our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit (I Corinthians 6:19), that means we are holy ground; a sacred place. A man who desecrates his temple and the bodies of countless others cannot show you how to be a good lover; he’s actually showing you how to set yourself up for a few bouts of self-hatred because, although it’s not spoken of nearly as much as it should be, an orgasm is not the PURPOSE of sex. It’s a BENEFIT. His book is focusing on the flesh when, again, more than anything, sex is to be a spiritual (the Spirit of God) experience.

Walk in the Spirit and you will not fulfill the lust of the flesh, right? (Galatians 5:16). “The lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life” is of the world not of our Father…the Creator of us and sex, correct? (I John 2:16)

Almost four years into not having sex (of any kind), and as someone who really enjoyed the “counterfeit model” while I was having it (cause sex, outside of God’s will, is not really the real deal), I’ll tell you what: you see being loved in an entirely different light when a man has to hold your attention in non-sexual ways. Don’t be so consumed with your performance that you lose sight on how to be a good person. I’m speaking to the married people, too.

Besides, you can ask people both in and out of the Church what the key is to great sex and most will tell you that “trust” is paramount. How much can you trust a man who has group sex…for money…with strangers? He doesn’t care about you pleasing someone. He cares about you paying his bills.

JUST LIKE PORN DOES.

Porn is not great sex. It’s just a great lie.

Don’t fall for it.

©Shellie R. Warren/2010