The moment can come in like a flood, when I least expect it in the middle of my day. I may be walking through the Target store I work at and see a girl’s outfit that doesn’t leave much to the imagination and bam! My mind is off to the races. Seemingly out of nowhere this incredible desire to watch pornography begins to rise up inside of me and it’s time to go to war.
I lost ten years of my life, from ages 12-22 to the nasty pit that is pornography. When I look back on that part of my life I get mad, sad, and grateful all at the same time. Mad for what a waste of time and resources it was. Sad for the pain it caused me and several other people and finally grateful. I’m so incredibly grateful that God didn’t leave me there and that’s not who I am today. At the the same time I completely understand it takes work and effort on my part to make sure that I never go down that road again.
Sometimes that work and effort is uncomfortable and altogether inconvenient but I know it’s for a purpose.
1 Corinthians 15:58
58 Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your toil is not in vain in the Lord.
For me this effort and work in the Lord includes being very careful about what I let my eyes see and where I let my thoughts go. I understand that I can kill the urge to watch porn even before that urge ever comes about. I really pay attention to the movies I watch and music I listen to. I know that one lyric, one sentence or one provocative scene can put me behind the 8 ball in this struggle really quick.
When that urge does come though, it’s not time to show how strong you are by yourself, it’s time to find strength in numbers. If you’re in the house by yourself, then leave. Go somewhere, anywhere that people are. Go for a walk, call your accountability partner and get help. On your own the battle is already lost, but when you decide to call on the tools and people God has placed in your life, then victory is yours!
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
9 Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. 10 For if [c]either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not [d]another to lift him up. 11 Furthermore, if two lie down together they [e]keep warm, but how can one be warm alone? 12 And if [f]one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart.
Just because God has freed me from the chains of porn doesn’t mean that urge never comes at me. It does however mean that this is a battle that God has taught me, trained me and equipped me to win. It’s not about me, it’s all about Him. And you don’t have to fight alone anymore.