I know that teens are not the only ones who read from “the teen’s section,” so I want to say ahead of time that this article is mainly for those who are in dating relationships and any porn issue should be handled differently if you are married. To those who have found out that the person that you are dating looks at porn, it can be hard to handle, because no matter how much you love them and want to be there for them, sometimes the best things to do are the hardest.

I personally can attest to this hardship, but if you truly love the person you’re dating, you will let them go. It will help both of you in the long run.  Porn is a huge red flag and can be a symptom of bigger problems. I’ve seen many people who struggle with porn and even masturbation and how dependent they can be on relationships for escape or even a crutch. But for the healthiest relationships down the road it is usually best if we can let go of those relationships so that they can find healing on their own.

This all may sound pretty harsh and even hard to swallow but I’ve witnessed a lot and even had experience from both sides. I have seen the part where it’s hard to let go of the guy you really like because of the red flags in his life, and I also know how important it is for a person who is struggling to face their fears and monsters head on. This is one thing that God has been teaching and showing me this past year that I need to face my giants head on with Him alone, with no roommate or relationship as my crutch. It’s hard. But I know for a fact that I have grown out of this time the most and that it’s been best for me to temporarily stay single in order to face the fears and struggles that I’ve bottled up.

But here are some questions to ask yourself to help evaluate on how you can best deal if you find yourself in a situation like this.

The first questions I would ask:

  1. How did you find out?

Did your boyfriend/girlfriend confess? Or did they get caught?

Depending on their response and even how they are found out can give clues to how they will respond.

  1.  Do they want help? Do they want to stop?
  2. What is your boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s opinion on porn? What is your opinion on porn? Do they match up?

This may take time to know whether they really want to be free. If they do not want help or if they think porn is okay and you don’t, then it won’t be a healthy relationship. And though it may be hard you don’t want to be an enabler or in an unhealthy relationship with someone.

Don’t believe me?

Go read the Spouses blog. Are you sure that’s a road you want to be knowingly travel down? Red flags are called red flags for a reason.

Being in a relationship or even married to someone will not and cannot permanently take away your desire for porn or even the dysfunction and consequences that come from being exposed to porn. The tricky thing about porn, especially if you’re an addict, is that once you become sexually active your desire for porn will fade away; but as many people can attest, after some time passes their desire for porn will slowly start creeping in.

Things that come with porn . . .

A distorted picture of sex

Insecurities.

It’s naturally addictive.

A few other things to look at. . . .

Are you as a couple seeking to have purity sexually before marriage?  In our relationships we should be striving for purity together, as a couple and also purity in our own lives.

So something to discuss is how has that purity been breached? Do you both agree that it has been breached? There should be some discussion there. It is easy to give half-truths when it comes to hard topics like porn and purity, make sure there is complete honesty in your talks of purity.

Because if your purity is more than just not having sex, purity is also in the mind and heart and porn certainly does not support purity if we look at purity holistically.

There is a difference between someone who is struggling against porn and someone who is embracing it.

Even though breakups are hard they can be less than the pain down the road. Pay attention to red flags; don’t make excuses for the person you are dating . . . because it can cost you more in the end.

And along with all of this I would tell you to be in prayer about how to properly deal with a situation like this, along with seeking out someone who is wise and that you can trust to give you the best advice.