My Spouse Uses Porn

Online Resources, Support, and Community for Those Struggling
with Porn and Sexual Integrity

Finding out your spouse is addicted to porn is a devastating discovery. The immediate emotions of anger, guilt, shame, and insecurity are overwhelming and can leave you feeling desperate for answers, and desperate for truth.

We are incredibly sorry this is a place you find yourself right now.

We know what you are going though and you are not alone. Many of the people that are involved with XXXchurch understand exactly what you are going through because they have been there.

The despair you feel now does not have to be the place you live forever. There are ways to beat this addiction, find healing from the trauma it has induced, and create a marriage you never imagined possible.

Basic Advice

Here are some next steps.

 

1. Join a Community

We don’t say this so that we can advertise what we offer. We offer these communities because we know for a fact that community breeds healing when done well. And in our communities, life is done together. 

Within Live Free for Men, Live Free for Wives, Small Group Online we take community seriously. We have created a real church where we can all bring everything happening in our lives, without fear of shame, and come alongside one another.

If you haven’t joined a community, today is the day. It truly is vital to overcoming this addiction and finding healing.

 

2. Seek Counseling

Porn addiction is not about sex. It is about something deeper going on inside the individual’s heart. The same goes for spouses. 

Being married to a porn addict is so much more complex than we realize. The lies, the betrayal, the manipulation, gas lighting, and minimizing (to name a few) have caused tremendous trauma for the spouse.

Betrayal trauma, which causes symptoms similar to PTSD and CPTSD,  is the most common type of trauma when married to an addict. Because of this, seeking out a counselor is not only helpful, it is mandatory to be able to heal well.

 

3. Lean into God

I know that sounds cliche. But listen, God is the God of healing. He wants what is best for us even when we don’t know what that is.

Leaning into God in a real way, not a “churchy” way, is essential in being able to find hope and healing. God can handle your anger and He wants to hear your voice.

 

In summary…

These steps may sound daunting at first. Don’t let that stop you. You are capable of hard things, and you and your spouse deserve to have a marriage that is healthy and thriving.

We also know that some of your spouses won’t want to find recovery. In those cases, we want you to know that you can still find healing for yourself and that you do not have to stay in a marriage in which your spouse is refusing to stay faithful. 

Take heart knowing that God wants to bring healing into your life, regardless of what the outcome of your marriage is. We are here to support you the whole way.

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